Was invited to lunch during school today

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I am pretty awful at making friends, but these guys from my Comp Sci class asked me to sit with them at lunch and I was able to carry on a conversation pretty well if the topic involved school or anime. I still reached for my phone a lot (just scrolling through my feed on fb and stuff calms me somewhat) and I often spoke over people, but I think I did okay.
Does anyone else feel more at ease in a group if they share similar interests? I felt more comfortable.

Yeah, it makes me feel comfortable. When I am talking to others who don't have interests like mine, it kinda makes me feel odd and out of place.

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on November 27, 2017)

So far, so good.



Being on the phone while you're talking with people can be considered quite rude. Same thing with interrupting people ... it's not a good thing to do. These are two areas that you can work on improving.

People who are talking like it when you show you are listening to them, appreciate what they have to say, and ask them polite questions about what they're interested in or talking about. Then, hopefully these same people will listen to you and ask about you to get to know you better. That's how friendships start.



Yes, of course.

It does help "break the ice", and isn't uncommon at all. Small talk can put a lot of pressure on people.

LOL....I was never invited to sit anywhere while I went to school.

You did good!

I don't even sit in the cafeteria anymore! xD It is too noisy for me!

^^^ And the food probably sucks as well.

When I went to school, the food was MUCH worse than it is now. I refused to eat anything but hot dogs, bread, or ice cream. I usually had either Ring Dings or pretzel sticks for lunch in junior high.

Yeah, I don't like lunch food either, I always pack my lunch.

I converse so much more easily with people I have a lot in common with.

Most NTs that I know are always on their phones during conversations. I don't like it when they do it because it keeps them from listening to what I am saying in the conversation.

I know it can hard to jump in the conversation sometimes. I try not to interrupt people but sometimes they never give me much room to talk. Super extroverted NTs tend to dominate the conversation and not give others a chance to add to the conversation.

I'm never included so I just eat lunch alone at work. It feels desperate to push my way into groups so I don't. Very uncomfortable feeling but that's always been the case for me at jobs. Most of these people are related somehow and are also fiercely competitive. The substitute teachers are wanting to snag the Instructional Assistant jobs out from under you! So if they are subbing in a class you work in, watch out. They look for a person they can undermine.

Before anyone asks.....no I don't talk about special interests, stim or otherwise do anything outwardly strange.....yet I'm always somewhat on the outside even with my own work group. Two other assistants and the two teachers.

A new kind of school club is sweeping the United States ( http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/high-sc ... d=46172969 ). Called "We Dine Together" ( https://www.wedinetogether.org/ and https://www.facebook.com/wedinetogether/ ), the "organization aims to provide a proactive solution. 'We Dine Together' believes that loneliness should not be an option, companionship and community are basic human needs."

Like kraftiekortie, I wish I had something like this when I was in school. I was the stereotypical stage-crew nerd. We stuck together because we didn't fit anywhere else. We went to every school dance and other event (only because we set the lighting and sound equipment). It paid off for me years later when I was recruited to work for Robert Redford and his Sundance Institute and Sundance Film Festival. Celebrities became my friends and helped me pursue a career in marketing and public relations.

So yeah, I love the idea of a nationwide group like "We Dine Together!"

I was homeschooled from 4th grade to now and had a brief intermission last year by attending a private school. My coping skills in life to avoid rejection are to only go where I am invited not by me asking and being given a yes but rather them asking me. Better to be alone because of my own choices then to be alone because I am wanted no where else. The first week and a half consisted of my standing/wandering around looking for somewhere to sit with people I had already made acquaintances with. I never ended up staying at one table for more than 2 days because I felt like I overstayed my welcome. So, interestingly enough, when I was looking around for somewhere to sit after about 2 weeks, I was loudly called over to a table by multiple people that I had in 4 other classes. Honestly, it confused me because the last time I attended a school that facilitated other people besides me, was elementary school. In that elementary school I was the black sheep so I had the same 3 friends from k-4 and everybody and his brother (even many teachers) bullied me maliciously (contributing to my severe depression and non existent self esteem in my preteen years). So this invitation had me baffled and I made my way to the table with I questioning/suspicious posture (possibly facial expression but I don’t know) and this invoked slight laughter from the table. They reassured me that ‘yes we are talking to you’. Did I mention that 5 out of 7 of them were very well known cheerleaders (all girl table). I knew this because they were wearing their uniforms because it was some kind of spirit day or something. I knew they were well known because everyone talked to them when we were in class. So I sat down, with many of them saying in very preppy tones to each other with me meant to hear, “I love her voice, it is so weird, I love hearing her talk in Home room”. They didn’t say it in a bad way (my voice is strangely monotonous and as you may have gathered from this post, I do not articulate myself like the average highschool girl). I imprudently disclosed my ASD (Homeschool + ASD = terrible understanding of socially acceptable information) and when they asked me what it was, it just spiraled out of control and I ended up saying something that was extremely embarrassing (not more personal information, just the way I said something). They were no longer angry because they were occupied with laughter. They continued to bring it up and imitated what I had said and my hand gestures well into the second quarter and I finally learned enough social rules to be able to kindly ask them to stop and explain that I wasn’t trying to be funny when I did that and it is not inside joke material without causing more situations like the first time. They took it well and ceased the mocking behavior, I don’t think they understood that I didn’t purposely do that as a joke. Anyway, back to the timeline, after the confusion wore off that day, I went home contemplating why they would invite me to their table, and concluded that they were ‘studying me’. I was different and they wanted to see what made me ‘tick’ for lack of a better term. Unfortunately, communication was difficult for the first month I sat with them, considering my grammar and vocabulary (I frequently let slip ‘perhaps’ instead of ‘maybe’). I eventually learned to tone down to their level (I figured I had done well enough when they stopped asking me what words mean or “we speak English please” or sometimes repeating what I say in a slightly nerdy fashion to signal to me that they have no idea what I just said). If my voice wasn’t so strange and I didn’t have what appeared to be miniature absent seizures scattered throughout my speech, then I might have come off as erudite rather than aloof. We may not have had anything in common or been ‘best’ friends, but we had an understanding. On 2 occasions, I overheard them lashing out at these two boys who talk about me behind my back, who thought that they could talk about me to my ‘lunch sit buddies’. They were sorely mistaken, and that really put away my thoughts at the time, which were “are these people really my friends?”. Skipping to the end, they were but mere convenience friends, and when school started again this year and I was not there, contact faded into non existence. It was to much effort for them I guess. I may not have gained lifelong friends but I learned many valuable social skills. I learned how to speak to my peers (it never became natural for me but I can do it out of necessity), and I learned to not reveal anything about yourself unless absolutely necessary.

I have always avoided telling people about my disability because people have used it against me quite a few times. People act really surprised at how well I function because they assume autistic people can't graduate high school with a regular diploma and attend college and work a job.

I never trusted my popular classmates because they usually only interacted with me to find more ways to make fun of me. I found the super preppy chicks to be too giggly and condescending.

People are always seeking to find others' weaknesses.

I never tell people I have a "disability." What's the use in telling them?

It's along the lines of HIPAA.....people only need to know on a "need to know" basis.

I agree Kraftie

I believe that there is there value in disclosing diagnoses of, say, chronic conditions which would yield needed information to workplace cohorts about diabetic shock, PTSD and everyday anxiety. Why then, wouldn't I support disclosing my autism to others?

The U.S. policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was mistakenly based on the idea of criminalizing disclosure of sexual orientation coercively. Some of America's best service members were denied the ability to serve their nation in the best ways they could. Speaking of LGBT Americans, it took decades for them to act collectively and enjoy the effects of repealing certain laws while enacting better laws. With marriage equality now the law of the land, we can look back to those early years when getting "almost-married" seems noble but worthless. It took disclosing about ourselves for those LGBT victories to happen.

So, I believe that the evidence suggests strongly that: 1) disclosing facts about one's life is a personal choice, and 2) disclosing certain facts can yield benefits for others similarly situated. We all become a part of the larger world community. Deaf and hard-of-hearing students at Gallaudet University in 1988 learned this. Sexually abused women (and some men) worldwide are learning this today.

I respect those for whom disclosing their autism is difficult, but I admire those who, like autistic activists Jim Sinclair, disclosing is empowering and healing after years of social ridicule.