Group conversations

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I know that people with AS have trouble with group conversations. I get tired of wanting to say something in a group conversation, but don't. Any ideas on how I can get my thoughts in during a group conversation?

Making sure I'm on topic, I just nicely butt in... meaning I use a nice slightly excited or concerned tone of voice, not angry, insistent or sullen. I've noticed that NTs butt in quite a bit, so study how they do it, what tones of voice seem to work best and then give it a go.

Yes, sometimes you will be perceived as rude... so are NTs. They just apologize and carry on. We should, too.

If you observe long enough, you'll see that no one gets it right 100% of the time, so we don't need to either.

And don't forget to be concise when you talk, rather than hijacking the whole conversation and turning it into a monologue.

Which is what I did last night... dammit.

I think my average is about 50:50
Practice, practice, practice.

DonkeyBuster gave absolutely the best, most accurate advice on this subject that I've EVER READ on this forum!

Enter the conversation politely but without letting other people crowd you out. NT's do it ALL THE TIME. Don't talk for too long. Acknowledge other people's positions or comments. Be agreeable. And again, don't talk for too long. And don't overthink things too much -- NT's don't worry about butting in or expressing themselves that much, and neither should you. You deserve to be part of the conversation! I think the biggest thing people on the spectrum need to remember is that their comment NEEDS to be ON SUBJECT -- if not, the NT's cant follow your logic. Think about what you want to say, and make sure it has something to do with what is already being talked about.

Ah shucks... thanks

I pretty much had the desire to talk sucked right out of me by 19 years worth of Lyme Disease and Babesiosis. It's far too exhausting for me, so I end up doing a lot of listening.

For me although sometimes I don't know what to say, often when I do, I mess up the timing, sometimes speaking when others are already speaking, so it's almost as if I didn't say anything at all. Or I come up with something to say too late and by then the subject has already changed.

I would comment but like said before, DonkeyBuster's post was clear, concise, and complete.

Tangent:

Is it useful for NT posters to butt into threads and just lay down, in no uncertain terms, any insight they have on the topic? I've done this once or twice, just trying to provide perspective on the matter which I *think* aspies tend to not see. But few, if any, of the posts following seem to benefit from it.

I see all too many threads go like:

"I have this awkward social problem"

"i do too"

"I just do this entirely maladaptive response to it and it doesn't work well for me but i do it anyway"

"same here..."

Without a voice saying "you can learn, you can do it, here's a step in the right direction" these threads just go on ad infinitum. I really like seeing posts like DonkeyBuster's since they provide insight, guidance, and support; to me these are what people need to overcome their problems.

I've noticed that I can be in a group of people, say, six, in a group conversation. All of a sudden one person will address another while someone else is still talking. The person who is talking doesn't say, "You're interrupting!" The person being addressed doesn't say, "Shh! I was listening to him, but responds. Suddenly what had been a group conversation has broken down into two separate conversations without any visible cues apparently having been exchanged.

Guess who usually is sandwiched between the two active conversations but part of none? One group talks about their school's sports team, the other about the office they work at. Neither conversation is one I am capable of participating in and both groups should know that but don't care. Neither group even tries to include me.

I noticed the other night at a family dinner that I was saying something to my niece and my brother started talking to my father. I just kept right on talking and my niece responded and my brother kept going and my father responded.

I never manage it. I used to try, but it always led to getting told off.
Well, I do here, I guess, but forums are different.. sometimes.

This happens all the time. It is a bit mystifying, but I'm sure someone has studied it.

Here we have to take turns...
my fantasy world...

I agree. Way to go, DonkeyBuster!

Here's something that I've noticed. When someone is talking, but another person has thought of something they'd like to say, they sometimes open their mouth as if they are about to speak. I mean, they aren't just gaping their mouth open, but they are positioning their mouth to make the first sound. If the person wants to interrupt with, "But...", they will put their lips/mouth in the "b" position, and maybe hold up their pointer finger a bit, or tilt their chin slightly up. That's a subtle signal to the others that that person wants to talk. And yeah, sometimes the loudest, most persistent person gets heard first. If two people want to speak at once, the one who speaks first should keep it very short, and then look at the other person's eyes to signal that it's their turn.

These aren't things I've really studied; but I'm thinking of an imaginary group conversation with other women my age, and those are the subtle things that come to me. There might be differences among ages and cultures that I'm not aware of, though. I see groups of middle school girls talking at my son's school, and as far as I can tell, all they do is fall all over each other and scream. No wonder adolescence was such a confusing time!

I'm definitely no expert in social skills, but my difficulty is generally not with conversation itself. For whatever that's worth.