Workplace small-talk etiquette

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I started a new job recently and they've put me in the same room with one other girl. now I've never been any good at small talk, but I just assumed that this is a serious workplace and I'm not there to socialise but to do what they hired me to do...

anyway, I did ask a few questions in the beginning, just to be nice (stuff like where are you from, how long have you worked there etc) but in general I don't like to be disturbed so I also don't disturb her... but yesterday I had a technical problem so I asked her about it and... she literally jumped out in her seat because my breaking the silence got her scared

anyway, she said that she got scared because I never say anything and she didn't expect it... so I got labeled as "the quiet one". but how come I am the quiet one when so far I've been the only one to start small talk? she never asked me about anything, apart from "ho was your first day of work", yet I am labeled quiet

so I've been wondering, is there something I'm missing? is it a hierarchy thing? is the new person supposed to be the one initiating contact with co-workers?

it bugs the hell out of me, I don't want to come off as creepy for initiating pointless conversations (it would be terribly awkward and therefore- creepy) but I also would hate to be seen as the quiet one (I'm far from quiet privately so I don't want to give people the wrong idea).

any thoughts?

i don't know they say small talk is for small thinkers... at work i watch people making small talk and it kind of makes me cringe at how pointless it is. but at the same time I am terribly jealous of the way they can just talk about nothing because i actually feel like it's a very important professional skill. and i'll never figure out the "quiet person" "creepiness" thing. more people need to post in this one haha

You need to be really careful as well, sometimes if you talk too much to someone they may get the wrong idea and think you are flirting with them even if you are not.

What you consider "small talk" is probably not really considered "small talk" to them (i.e. it's too infrequent), the fact that she says you "don't say much". Small talk is "thinking out loud", many people express themselves and comment on the day-to day stuff. You're not doing anything wrong, it's more of 'making statements' about your environment, other people 'spontaneously' converse and our quietness can come off a bit strange (i.e. they think we're cold, uncaring, unfriendly, etc).

Try to approach it from another angle - what kind of emotional vibe are you giving off (i.e. visualize yourself from the third person in your minds eye) and what can you do to change that? People tend to talk about their feelings about day-to-day experiences and relate to each other like that.

being scared cause you dont talk...now that is creepy. Persoanlly I fiond the lsess I know about my coworkers and vise versa the better

You'd be surprised how many people are weirded out by queit people.

i'm an NT and i completely agree that small talk is useless and a waste of good clean oxygen.
"how are you?"
"fine?"
"you?"
"fine."
world's most common lie.
"nice shoes"
"thanks, i got them on sale at..."
nobody gives a crap...
"how 'bout that game, eh? the last inning was just a thrill, wasn't it?"
yeh, yeh, whatever...

can we talk about something serious like the global water crisis or overpopulation or extinction of polar bears ??
no, we can't talk about THAT so let's just talk about the fact that i broke a fingernail and who got voted off the island on survivor (TV show).

that being said, i have made some of my closest friends over the years through the workplace and most of our smalltalk was bitching about the job! LOL! in truth, the office environment doesn't WANT folks to get up close and personal. i agree, the less my co-workers know about me, the better. i'm always "out there" with my honesty and openness. it's not a good trait for the workplace.
don't feel bummed you can't small talk. you're saving yourself a ton of grief. if you decide you want her as a "real friend," meet outside of work.

ptown, you're totally right, bitching about the job/boss/coworkers is the universal number-one subject to talk about with coworkers, and in all my previous jobs it was exactly this way.

but this job is very cool, the boss is a sweetheart and all coworkers are nice people... and they are almost all male IT-people so they don't have any lives worth commenting on LOL

You sure about that you can be surprised at just what some IT people get up to outside the office, I'm studying computer science at university and among the other students I know:
A guy who's previous degree was in photography.
A woman studying maths with computer science who previously did a course in contemporary dance
Another man who started computer science after an intensive study of the Qur'an in Saudi Arabia
I myself have recently taken up horserideing.
I'm sure there's more I haven't actually met.

BTW all four of us are considered to be seriously good at the course, I did wonder if there's a link between computer aptitude and unuseual yet unrelated interests but four examples are hardly enough to generalse from/

I meant it in a social context- in all my previous jobs I observed that gossip was one of my co-workers favourite subjects. in this job there is nothing to gossip about because everyone is single, workaholic and pursuing interests of their own (mainly computers).

although I'm pretty sure everyone else is talking behind my back now just because I'm the "new kid" =p

And yes, maybe listening will just do for us... It's so easy, man! We can smile and listen to what others say if we can!