Testing Friends

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Hi..I am new here. I met a man two years ago who I think is an undiagnosed Aspie.
One of the statements he first told me was.." I am always testing you.."
What is he testing me for? And does an Aspie "grade" people?
Would really want a feedback on this.

well i do not have to "test" anyone.
i know within a minute if i can like a person or not.
it is because of what they reveal about themselves that i know, and not because of the result of some test i have performed on them.

i think that a man who stays distant and says he is "testing you" is someone who is narcissistic and wants you to think that the reason he is not ready to be with you yet is because he is doing high level "tests".
what are the tests he performs i would ask.

if someone said they were testing me, i would ask if the test was over, and what i scored, and most importantly, how they tested me.

i bet he can not tell you the mechanics of his tests.

Ouch, you sound like me as someone like that which I have known for 5 years. In his case, he even thought about having me as a girlfriend. However, he wanted a wife that was equally as brainy as he was. He had even asked me to impress him with my intelligence but it never really worked out. He eventually dropped me like a rock over a year-ago on New years's Eve and told me that he thought my other friend would be better for him friendwise because I was too, "annoying," and she was more calm.

Diana,
I was very very hurt that he did that and I was angry with him for a long time. My suggestion to you woukld be to call him up or send him a polite e-mail, letting him know that you didn't appreciate what he did to you and that it hurt.

Myah and b9...thanks a lot! You have just given me the answer I need..
This guy was and still is testing me for "his" suitability and for my brains..if I am qualified to be his friend? That is so sad I think he will losing a potential good friend very soon...

Thanks guys..

My first impulse is to say that I would not want to spend any time with a person who felt they had to test me. (I've met people like that & they seem... "devious."

It's possible (probable) he has trust issues. AS can make it difficult to judge people's intentions & many (if not most) of us have been "betrayed" by people who we thought were our friends, but were really not. Over time, a person becomes very cautious as to who can be trusted (because we can't even trust our own instincts.)

Still - "testing" is a harsh way to put it.

I agree with you..."testing is a harsh way".
He definitely has trust issues which has remained unresolved.
Devious did not enter my mind until I realized he has a way of extracting information without
contributing anything (except biodata info) about himself. This way, he got to know many of
the contacts I have and whom he can call on when he needs them for anything.

I hope someday, someone will point this out to him.
As the song says "Softly I will leave you.."

Thanks, Zeichner

I would NEVER test anyone - except in business. I do it very methodically and intentionally in business. I am dealing with a particular predictable shit-storm right now where this guy failed one of my tests miserably. I am still considering my next move.

It's dishonest and manipulative - which is required in business - especially sales and marketing.

But I can't imagine doing it to that to a friend or someone I otherwise cared about. In my mind, it's so wrong.

I believe he can "turn it off" if he understands it and if you kindly confront him on it. If not, I suggest you keep your options open, if you know what I mean.

Gasp! What a dick! I sound like you - annoying and with "average" intelligence.

I can handle all kinds of rejection and judgement - but I am very self-conscious of my "perceived" average intelligence. I don't think "smart" people know that we know what they are thinking. And combine it with the ADHD (I assume) and its no wonder we don't get along with low-energy braniacs.

"Calm" - what a tragic label.

AS or no AS being a jerk is still being a jerk.
Sounds like he has trust issues but I reckon HE fails the test for friendship right there.
I have trust issues and am liable to flip out over things that are insignificant, but I am not going to go around "testing friends".