Christmas "blues"

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I have no Christmas spirit this year. Even less than most years. No Christmas parties to go to, which is a mixed blessing if you know what I mean (well, I skipped my work party/drunkfest). I got very few cards this year- from immediate family, and a couple old friends from school that moved out of state that I hear from once a year. The cards were all very impersonal- you know, just a signature. I also got a couple of those "look at these pix of our awesome lives" but even fewer of those than usual.
My dad's sisters didn't send me cards this year, probably because I didn't go to my cousin's wedding in September. Those events on his side are always neurotypical nightmares for me. So this time I didn't go.
I tried to have a caroling party last night, and nobody came.
I didn't even send Christmas cards out myself this year, so I shouldn't complain.
I am actually a Christian, and I do see meaning in the story of the birth of Christ and God's love and all that, but all this gifting is dragging me down. So much spending on useless crap. I am just tired, I think. As sad as I feel, the irony is that by the 26th I'll feel disappointed that it is all over.

This was suppose to be the best Christmas ever for me and it's turned out rotten too. My family can't get together until Friday so this has just been another day and tomorrow will be the same. I don't actually want anything for Christmas. Well, the things I want can't be bought. I'm bummed out by the whole situation too.

This is a bad christmas for me too. People expect me to act "normal" and buy me useless crap. I spend so much money on people and get them things they want. Noone even says thanks except my parents. This year my family celebrated early and I got cheap ballpoint pens and gift certificates.

The "Christmas blues" finally hit me. I was OK until tonight, when I started crying...

AS or NT this time of year is hard 4 anyone

I agree! You look forward to it and then it's nothing like you expect it to be, a complete let down! I usually enjoy my own company to extremes, but today has been lonesome for me.

I ordered white christmas lights and they shipped me blue ones....

Its like rubbing it in!

'Blue Christmas' church services attract the depressed, joyless
By Kristen Gelineau, Associated Press Writer | December 19, 2006


RICHMOND, Va. --There were no jolly Christmas carols to be found at the Cannon Memorial Chapel. No brilliant poinsettias or festive branches of holly. No smiling faces or hearty wishes of happiness.

Instead, somber piano music echoed through the hushed church. Dead branches were lain on a table covered in blue cloth, representing the "winter of our souls." Men and women held each other and cried.

"This is not a traditional Christmas service," Chaplain Kate O'Dwyer Randall began, opening the church's nondenominational "Blue Christmas" service on Tuesday, which drew around 60 people.

The University of Richmond's chapel is one of many churches across North America offering Blue Christmas services this year, aimed at addressing a season that brings many people depression and grief rather than comfort and joy.

"Holidays in our culture are often about families, and families are not always happy institutions," said O'Dwyer Randall, who once worked as a grief counselor. "I think that particularly if you're facing a death or a divorce, the 'empty chair syndrome' becomes very real at this time of year."

Sharon Van de Walle feels that emptiness. Her husband of 40 years died suddenly earlier this month.

"This just is a preparation for Christmas, which is going to be rather difficult," she said tearfully.

Her friend, Anita McCabe, consoled her with a warm embrace.

"And it's a good place to have a cry and no one will mind," she told her friend.

Some churches refer to such programs as "Longest Night" services and hold them on the shortest day -- and therefore, the longest night -- of the year. This year, that falls on Thursday.

"I find in my ministry that there's quite a bit of pastoral work to be done in December. It just seems that whatever griefs or pain people have increase in this time," said Rev. Cynthia Maybeck, pastor of the Trinity Church of Northborough, Mass., which has been offering "Longest Night" services for more than a decade. "Everything on the commercials is 'Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas, such a season of tidings and great joy' -- and there's a lot of people whose hearts are breaking."

While some may find the "Blue Christmas" concept unusual, it serves an important function, said O'Dwyer Randall, who lost her brother two years ago and feels the grief more acutely at Christmas.

"I think something people don't think about around grief is they just want to avoid it," she said. "The biggest sigh of relief for people who are grieving comes when you name it. When you say, 'Hey, you're probably having a hard year.' When you say the person's name."

Her sermon Tuesday drew a parallel between the journey toward hope and the three wise men, who walked through cold and darkness toward the light of a star.

Later, she and others placed blue flowers on the dead branches, symbolically transforming them into something blooming and alive.

Frank Minter, 21, gazed up at the light streaming through the church's circular stained glass window. His mind was on his mother, who died unexpectedly last month after a battle with multiple sclerosis.

"We're not sure how the holidays will play out," he said softly. "So this was a chance to enjoy the holiday season, because this is certain. And in uncertain times, even a little bit of certainness is helpful."

The Rev. Emily Richards, pastor of St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in Ridgefield, Conn., said there has been a huge response for her church's first Blue Christmas service, also scheduled for Tuesday.

"We have to have the perfect Christmas and we have to be happy this time of year -- when the reality is that we're not," she said. "This is an opportunity for people to come and be in the presence of God and acknowledge their grief and despair and loneliness and give it to God."

This is the first Christmas 77-year-old Charles Minter Jr., will have to celebrate without his wife Barbara, whom he was married to, he says with a sad smile, for "57 years, four months and three days." They married just 19 days after they met. In May, she succumbed to cancer.

"I hate the holidays. I see the lights and Christmas -- I just get the chills," he said. "I hope this is gonna help."

Later, he hangs a blue flower on a branch and gives O'Dwyer Randall a hug before returning to his seat, wiping away tears. His Blue Christmas experience has been beautiful, he says, but difficult. He can't stop thinking about Barbara.

He speaks of her last days with an aching tenderness. Her eyes had long since lost their sparkle, turning cloudy from the drugs. But the day before she passed, he says, she suddenly opened them and gazed at him. For a moment, the cloudiness was gone. Her eyes were clear and bright.

And they were, he remembers, so very, very blue.

Good thread. I have had my crying jag, and still weeping a bit here and there. I stocked up on my favorite Christmas movies, and watched one tonight. Kept thinking of family that isn't here for me, nor supportive. This year, I gave myself permission to ignore them right back. At least there is no pretense going on. Maybe now, I can heal. At least I am not alone in this Blue Christmas.

Great article, sinsboldly!