What would You Want To Hear...would you at all?

Post Reply New Topic

So I have a 17 year old cousin who I think as Asperger's. I have a pretty hush hush, sweep everything under the rug, pretend like it's not there and it will go away family. So it has been apparent for at least the last 7-8 years that he has a very hard time being social, learning to drive, communicating in general... but is otherwise supersmart (like top 3 in his class).

Now I will be honest with you, I am 26, so up until just the past few years when I really started to get concerned I kinda just thought "oh he's just a little weird" The rest of the family including his parents have all just chalked it up to being shy or dorky, but as I learn more and have let myself be open to the possibility that it may be more, I want to help him... or at least let him know that he's not alone, and that who he is is fine. Heck for all I know he already knows this and I should just mind my own business.

Regardless, I would like to bring up the conversation of the possibility of Asperger's without making him uncomfortable. As I said, communication is difficult for him (errr maybe it's difficult for me). In his shoes...would you want your cousin to even bring it up? Do you think that I am overstepping my boundries? If you do think it is ok for me to talk to him about it...what is the best approach?

You honest opinions are apprciated.

I don't know what kind of person they are, so it is impossible to predict their reaction.

Perhaps you could do something subtle, like surf the WikiPedia entry on Asperger's whilst they are around. Suggest you'd heard about it on the news and wondered what it was.

Maybe come out with something like "Did you know Einstein had this Asperger's Syndrome?", see if that sparks their curiosity...

There is also the issues of whether or not it will benefit them to find out whether or not they are an Aspie. I cannot answer that question.

Do you think it would do any good to talk to his parents? Let them know your suspicions? I would consider gathering some information on Asperger's (which shouldn't be too hard) and talking to his parents about it before you say anything to your cousin. The late teenage years are difficult enough with people searching for their identity, trying to figure out who they are and their reason for being on this earth, that I honestly think it would do more harm than good (in most situations) if you were to tell your cousin directly.

Oh, and if you do talk about AS to his parents, please don't make any connections between Asperger's and something being wrong.

If you're close with your cousin then it'd be fine to just do as others have said a subtly bring it up. I think if one of my cousins approached me I'd be willing to at least listen to what they had to say before either accepting or rejecting it. And if he acknowledges his problems then he might be happy to find a new way of seeing things and improve his skills. Maybe you could write a report on Asperger's and get him to edit it for you and see if anything happens. That way you're just showing him information and asking him to proof read it - he might take an interest and ask for more information or go and search on it himself.

I would not want to hear dishonest phrases, I'll tell you that.

Give him Curious Incident as a Christmas pressie.

Be careful though, if he's bright and has always fitted in, to a degree, the news that he is different, or as I took it, about this time last year, as abnormal, a freak, could send his self esteem spiraling. Perhaps his parents should break the news, rather than, no offence meant, you, as they are 'closer, ' and older. But, being 14, I really don't know.