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ebec11
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20 Apr 2008, 12:57 am

MissPickwickian wrote:

KatieRose212 wrote:

Hey hunni I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through the same thing and I self-harm myself. The knives we have in our kitchen are sharp (yay lol) and I have my own special 'cutting knife' which is a butchers knife I bought from my local supermarket... I can buy them of course, I'm of age!

I don't just cut myself though... I bite myself, scratch myself and I dunno what else.

I really want to stop, and I am getting help to do that.

I will not feel a compulsion toward self-harm. Some people take a bizarre yet understandable masochistic pleasure in self-harm; I just found the stinging sensation annoying.

I had bad sensory integration dysfunction when I was little. I bit myself a lot because of my high pain threshold. Now my pain threshold is almost average (though my internal thermometer is still all screwy). This was all emotion.

Thanks, I'm bizzare now? :lol:

I get what you mean though, if I wasn't numb, I would be in extreme pain from all the stuff I do to myself.

deathchibi
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20 Apr 2008, 4:48 am

i dont suggest doing it because it may get you teased more.

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ebec11
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21 Apr 2008, 12:01 am

deathchibi wrote:

i dont suggest doing it because it may get you teased more.

Not anymore, I think I'm going to finally do what I've been meaning to do for a while now.
Death might set me free from this stupid thing called life.

Inventor
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22 Apr 2008, 11:48 pm

Miss Pickwickian,

More support, and wondering about your well being.

If you could show signs of life, wiggle a toe perhaps?

Brittany2907
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23 Apr 2008, 3:19 am

MissPickwickian wrote:

After an emergency therapy appointment, it was determined that this was a dramatic form of school refusal. My mother is going to get an IEP for me.

I can't study anymore, even the subjects I cherish. Anything associated with school nauseates me. This includes books. I've stopped doing my homework. I just come home and drink nighttime cold medicine so that I fall asleep immediately.

I hope that this IEP makes school more bareable for you.

I'm not meaning to lecture you here, but I think that you should stop drinking the medicine to cope. It could develop into a serious drug addiction. I suppose that you already know that, but I would hate for someone to go through that because of school stress.

I remember when I was at high school...I too, felt nauseated by anything associated with school. I used to be good at, and enjoy english lessons. Although eventually I stopped trying, stopped caring and a few weeks later, dropped out of school.
I really hope that things get better for you as I would hate to see another person with potential just throw it all away and leave school.

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coregazer
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23 Apr 2008, 10:25 am

ugh, know how you feel... felt it before... the truth is... school is hell, well to that i say, when the going gets tough, you get tough with it. dont give up, fight (metaphorically) for your rights. do whatever the hell you want because im pretty confident you can catch up with work pretty easily. i know if it sound stupid but being difficult really helps me sometimes, just force everything to be perfect. and if it wont be, make it perfect. oh and as for the pain threshhold thing, try hitting somthing when you get mad, cuggle someone when you get sad. in the end you'll pull through *sighs and rolls his eyes*. im being forced to... but then theres also that tiny little bonus that theres a bright thing called "real life" when you leave school... more indipendance... sounds fun.

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marshall
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23 Apr 2008, 2:22 pm

I know how you feel. I got so depressed in high school that I dropped out. I had all A's up until about 10th grade then completely lost my motivation to work. I was also suicidal for a while.

In my case it was probably hormonal or brain chemistry changes. I'm 27 now and I still miss my childhood where I could get so excited over my interests. Even with anti-depressants nothing makes me too happy anymore.

Sorry I don't have anything more positive to say. I do feel for you though.

Brandon_M
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24 Apr 2008, 1:18 pm

Suicide is something constantly on my mind. Although i've only attempted once, i've also been sick of leading such a lonely life, feeling there's nobody to understand you. However, the one time I attempted one of my best friends walked in and gave me the most worried expression i've ever seen. At that moment, I realized that there are people who care and no matter how bad things get, ending your life ends your chances of getting better and you'll never know how things could've been. It just hurts everyone around you who cares about you as well. There were always questions about it and I lied saying it was from a construction accident while carrying sheet metal. Luckily most of them believed me, although those who knew me well knew better. Is suicide ever a good answer? It's not really my place to say, maybe there are some exceptions. Writer Hunter S. Thompson himself once said that without the option to take your own life, he would feel trapped. He ended up dying of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, but he was suffering from immense pain from various physical conditions. Personal issues can be resolved and no matter how hopeless life may seem, taking your life isn't the answer. I try to keep this in mind whenever I think about killing myself, you should do the same.

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24 Apr 2008, 2:41 pm

i cant remember if i posted or not but i hope you are better than the last time i skimmed this thread

Ana54
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25 Apr 2008, 4:52 pm

Tell your mother not to expect things of you, and you might please her at your own speed.

Tell your father to treat you like you are already the way he wantsyou to be, and he will help you become the way he wants you to be.

ebec11
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26 Apr 2008, 2:27 pm

*hugs*
I wish both of us a wonderful non suicidal life!

MissPickwickian
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27 Apr 2008, 9:40 pm

I feel a little better now. Watched a stirring play on PBS that was based on one of my
favorite books.

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beentheredonethat
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27 Apr 2008, 9:57 pm

MissPickwickian wrote:

I've been out of school sick for the past two days, and I got a lot better this afternoon. When I thought that I would have to go to school tomorrow, I was plunged into a black, existential despair. I looked outside onto the gorgeous sunlit day that I could not venture into due to my hay fever, pondering my imprisonment as a metaphor for life. So I slit my wrist.

Well, 'slit' may not be the word I'm looking for; 'sawed at' would be more accurate, as I ran a knife over the same place for thirty minutes, scraping off the first two layers of skin but not drawing blood. Either our knives are very dull or I wasn't determined enough. My mother was absolutely horrified.

After an emergency therapy appointment, it was determined that this was a dramatic form of school refusal. My mother is going to get an IEP for me.

I can't study anymore, even the subjects I cherish. Anything associated with school nauseates me. This includes books. I've stopped doing my homework. I just come home and drink nighttime cold medicine so that I fall asleep immediately.

No one bullies me. Some people are nice to me. I am just very, very lonely.

Miss P:
You of all people. Funny, intellegent, and a reader. You have (if I might be so bold) classic symptoms of depression. This is a disease, medical sciences knows how to cure. Cutting is a symptom. I don't really have much left at the end of today to be really enthuastic, but You're just As. You don't need to live a trigic life. Not someone with your brains. I've been AS all my life. It's never stopped me. So try saying to yourself what Lillian Helman said she said to herself when she got down (and she was not a young woman when she said this. "Oh, come on, kid, you're better than that!)
And if you are lonely, (and we all are at some point) remember...nothing is forever, including lonelyness. Ever think of a boy friend? But then, that's a whole new set of problems, but you won't be lonely.
Luck, and cheer up.
Beentheredonethat

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28 Apr 2008, 2:13 pm

Sounds rough... you get well now. Good luck *HUG*

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