yealc wrote:
I understand about not existing. I went to a cast party with a friend and I am setting right next to the friend when his boyfriend asks where is yealc? OK I am right there.
Anyway I often have this problem also but now in my thirties it seems more funny than painful. I remember very well years ago how much it hurt and how lonely life seemed.
I hope you begin to feel better.
Y
I was going to a party at my cousins house and at first I thought I would try and stick around and social-eyes with other people but I decided not to. Regardless of what my mam would say, that was the right choice. Why hang around talking to a bunch of people who think of me as a wirdo ( and not in the misinformed way, way more in the deliberate,I knew you're half of the family was the bad half,I don't really give a s**t wheter you have AS or not I'm just using it as an excuse to be a b***h, way) and who would think I was'nt 'all there' wheter I had AS or not (fact not rant).And I would'nt hang around with them even if I turned into a social genius. I hung around by myself and did my own thing and it benafited me far more.There was this hunch backed, old woman who might have been in her 70's outside with me.Now SOMEHOW noone else seemed to think this was in the least bit crazy but for crying out load HOW could you Not see the crazyness in AN OLD, MAYBE IN HER 70'S, HUNCH BACKED WOMAN sliding down a fun slide!Come on she was playing on the quad bike and everything COME ON you have GOT to see the crazyness in that.Its not that I felt sorry for her, I felt happy for her, I hope I'm that healthy when I'm her age.It's sort of errie because the woman seems to be like I might be in the future.She's got the same colour hair, I'm likely to stay skinny like her,she has the back problems I might well get when I'm older,and I'm likly to loose all my teeth too.Allso when she was playing outside(yes that WAS what she was doing) she was doing all the things I was doing(also we wer't acctually playing with each other but rather each having are own alone time) and of course I'm sure she's also AS.
This play time she had at the party really was crazy.I mean I saw her plenty of times before the party, shuffling along or riding her bike and always seeming so fragile.I won't think of her the same way again.It's encouraging to know I was'nt insane for thinking that the people in the party were not worth the effort and they wer'nt.I wouldn't have leart that by trying to be nice to those bitchs and bastards( do you know, at another party,it was my cousins 21st,all the 'adults' sort of blew me off,and my cousin,even though we are eye level accually managed to look down on me like I was a gob-shit,even the acctual gob-shits arn't all that gob-shity, so what the hell is her problem?)I think I would have even dropped a few IQ points.
18 Dec 2005, 11:00 pm
