I can only give an example of what i did
that made my life better, probably wont
help much but i`ll throw it in here.
Things were ok but then they started to go downhill,
after a year or two i was so tired and felt bad, alone
and just helpless. Then my girlfriend and me moved
apart and that nearly broke me inside, i had no motivation
to do anything so why dont just not care at all. And i
did nothing for a week, never went to work again at
that place or even called there, just dissappeard and
laid on the couch. But, i saw that if i did that my life
would only get worse later on. So i had a moment one
day were i just stood up and said to myself "thats it,
enough of this s**t". I realized that bottom line, all i had
was me and no one else would take care of me. And
that was the bottom line. So i.....i`m not sure what i did,
i just changed attitude and gave it hell. I thought
that "ok, i`m alone and sad and that is probably the
way it`ll be. But, if i dont keep myself up and should
be so insanely lucky that for example my ex comes
back or i bump into someone, then i will not be able
in any way to even try and grab that opportunity. It
was hard but i got myself going again, i kept an eye
on the bottom line and worked, worked, worked. I had
nothing else to do anyway and it helped not thinking
too much about all the sad stuff all the time. This is
some years ago now, i`m still alone and dont have
any real motivation to do much but i`m glad i didnt
give up, then i would probably feel much worse now.
Some days everything is meaningless, those days
i look at flowers and try to remember all the beauty
hidden all over the world- and the bottom line. All
this happend without me knowing i had AS, that
explains alot for me now later on when i look back,
i was fighting myself half the time but i didnt know it.
13 Dec 2008, 12:06 pm
