Ok here's the deal. My parents divorced in '83, and my dad has only really given a damn when it was convenient for him. He would always drive 130 miles to my city to either make drug deals (he has been off and on Crystal Meth for 35 years and was busted traffiking 150 lbs of pot from mexico) or to shop, or go to concerts, like in '95 I was at one and he spotted me and chased me down and wanted me to hang with him the rest of the show; of course I did not. He would, however try his best to make concrete plans for christmas, summer, etc, and wrench me away from my extremely caring and protective mother and our side of the family. My stepmother is addicted to pills, self pity, and drama.
Well, my half-siblings are turning out the same way. My sister comes down here and to another city 6 hours away to see her boyfriend and to shop. My brother, who is taking after father, turned 21 in rehab, and stole from our grandmother in terms of drugs, food patience, etc...
My dad drives 5 hours at least once a month to go see him because they can both get high and do things they like, ie MMA fights, ret*d metal concerts, and then get higher and have ret*d fights.
Twice a year when I talk to my dad (haven't spoken to the siblings in well over a year), he gives me a sob story of how he works all the time, and asks me when I'm going to his town, and lately I've been telling him when the bullsh*t stops.
Some of you may be asking what's wrong with the road leading to their house... Well, as it turns out, my mother is almost completely physically disabled due to liver disease and 3 bouts with cancer. I owe it to her that my abilities/disabilities (my undiagnosed AS) were shifted in a direction to where they were used or stopped to where I could function somewhat properly and am now a Drug free, devoted, heartfelt, ambitious, yet still Aspie adult. I hate leaving her alone, even though we have our issues and that I do have some people that can help me out for short periods of time.
And this brings us to the last weekend in May. That time of year when students are done and for some reason this is a big deal. This year, it's my little sister. She was even cut some slack by the superintendent because she missed 25% of her classes just skipping because she wanted to.
It's also the same weekend that we have a huge event in which cyclists are invited to spend 24 hours in Palo Duro Canyon State Park in a very successful fundraising event for the Don and Sybil Harrington Cancer Center, a place I am more familiar with than any human both well and sick should be. I have been looking forward to participating in this since I heard about it last year. I am training right now to do a 100 mile ride as a preamble to the event, and it will be a milestone to myself and my family who have helped me get to where I am today and to my mom.
So I ask you, fellow aspies, for a little decision making reasoning. While your input will not ultimately decide what I do, it will give the gears and processors in my head some time to breathe. Ever since this conflict has came up, my brain has been doing calculations to every possible outcome to either decision I make, not unlike a chess player whose big moment has come.
17 Mar 2009, 11:24 pm
