Withdrawn

Post Reply New Topic

Tonight I've reached a point where I can't process my own thoughts, and have withdrawn mentally, at least I think. I can't even process that. It's overwhelming, the emptiness. Can't feel, can't think, listening to music, but can't hear it. Don't have a clue what to do with myself. I've tried to post, but nothing comes to mind, except this. Thought maybe some discussion would help, but I've nothing to discuss. Everything's inside, somewhere.


Not looking for a response, as it would be difficult to respond. Just writing it down, in hopes that it will open up something inside. And maybe it will. I hope so.

Lab Pet shall respond anyway and maybe this will help (?), be of consolation (?)...no words.

Anyway, re: your post. I do this as well and sometimes at extreme levels. Of course, I can and do interact but there are certain times when I am.....just gone. As you stated. I am a HFA/Aspie but there are definitely times when I am really autistic. I do let this be because I live inside my mind. Then, I must find that way out because I have to.

Lab Pet really never says this but I think at some point I have had the choice to (no right words here) just not come back. That is, to stay locked inside. I sense/feel/think (right word?) there are channels that I may go through to emerge >>> interact. But the thinking and processing happens inside, as if I'm toggling between inside, then translating to 'the outside.' I cannot imagine being able to begin to explain this to another (meaning, NT) since there are just not words to explain or show what this means.

But there are times when finding that channel is a struggle. I never truly emerge, but I do contribute and function as an Autist.

jawbrodt: I cannot know. But maybe you are locked inside now. Just....far away like I am sometimes. Somehow I lose sense of self and there is just 'to merge with.'

Another peculiar concept that is related somehow: I have no sense of 'I.' This means, when writing/speaking I do use the word 'I' by convention.
But inside there is no 'I,' just 'self.' Then 'self to merge with.'

Outsiders then are (I do not think in words, translating here) 'that which is not self.'

There are channels from 'self' to outside but the connection must exist with a pathway to follow.

So you will find your way back but in the meantime.....drift. We all know about meltdowns but you may be experiencing a shutdown (yes, that's a real word). A shutdown, as I understand, is like a meltdown but the 'outside' and senses can be shut off. We all have that reset switch though!

Just as we and others sleep maybe Autists do need to shutdown to regenerate self. Like charging a battery, yes?

Are you able to zone out J.

I sat in bed for a whole day just zoning out. That really refreshed me and made me feel better. I tend to find I'm thinkin to much about things and that stresses me out.

That works for my brain, DDon't know how your brain works though. Could be worth a try:P

Jawbrodt, I hope you are feeling a bit better, some days are worse than others I know, I can get pretty depressed at times, though my depressions are of a different nature, sort of like a 2 year old having an angry and sad tantrum, is how I describe it, I dont really implode I more explode.. when I try and repress, things just tear their way out of me.

Anyway I dont think it will last.. brains have a way of changing their chemistry after a while... I always found that my moods go up again eventually.

Sorry I wish I could give better advice..

Sometimes we shut down out of self preservation. Your body's way of protecting itself when you have more than you can handle at the moment. An extreme form of burnout when you've reached your limit. By shutting down, your body can repair itself and while it's doing it, it's using less energy. I've been there many times before. I know you'll come out on the other side of it, jawbrodt. But it takes time. No rush, no timeline, no pressure.

Thanks people. You are all right, and all in slightly different ways. But when you read 'em all, all the different opinions make sense. I really was lost when i posted this, and it probably should've been posted as a rant, but I wanted a few people to read it. And, the responses were a bonus. Thanks again.

Good to read that you are feeling better .

I am always like that. Right now I wish that I was not conscious, that I could switch off all my senses for a few million years