Hi I'm sepia

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i'd like to give a big tenticle wave to all on this forum.

I am a 28yo girlie living in London.

i first learnt about AS in 94 and though it really struck a chord, it has only been the last couple of years that i have been reading into it properly (isn't the internet great!). i had thought about a dx, and although i haven't ruled it out am not sure if it would really be to any practical good. so it is back to researching & places like this to gain what i can from other peoples experiences.

i have had many chrises in my life and very few smooth periods. AS has dogged my family life, especially watching my partents split messily. my father is definately AS and my mother very depressive, meek and socially phobic. all 4 of my brothers and sisters display various aspects of AS and share a special kind of understanding as such.

friendships and relationships have been very difficult to say the least and although i desire to be quite outgoing and meet people i have learnt that it is best to keep my mouth shut unless i am with someone i know well, and even that is awkward.

i can keep a job, just! luckily everyone in my office are quite good at respecting each others space for the most of the time, don't think i could hack going back to an 'open plan' office. sometimes i make some really stupid mistakes just because someone distracts me and i lose concentration. most people think i am thick. i go along with that because it is easier than trying to explain, (hehe and perhaps i am just stoopid)! i worry a lot about losing my job and what my colleagues must think of me and this probably makes me worse.

okay, this is tricky and i don't know what else to say so i'll tell you my interests: being in the coutryside and gathering wild mushrooms to cook, cooking, marine life (again also cooking the stuff!), cycling, gardening, vintage clothing, gigs, music & clubbing.

i look forward to chatting with some of you.

I just shared words with another about the office politics in one who can analyze, sometimes through self talk, the social happenings evolving in a work place. After a personal assesment, judgment (intuition?) is made:

"Yes, it is said to be an acquired talent of one who is autistic. The shock factor to another when you can at times accurately determine intentions, can make them "scurry with worry" thinking you are part of the "gossip circle". LOL The action they take in this assumtion (definition of ass-u-me: make an ass out of you and me), causes the downfall of many who are spectrumental. (Yes, I have a knack and liking of making up my own words.)"

LadyBug

i like making up words too, especially if they are onematapaeic (sp?). you like wordsmithery, do you do any creative writing?

i guess that my introductory message was a bit vague as i was trying to cover all general stuff. i think the real problem i have at work is that although i like the company and the people, after nearly 3 years i am not in anyway challenged in my job which is why i am easily distracted and make mistakes. everytime i make a mistake i berate myself and low self esteem is not helping me in moving on to another job.

Hello

No sepia, I don't write creatively, nor am I educated per se. And I gave up on having an extensive vocabulary a long time ago as I was worse for not being able to express myself understandably. Now it is only an air of "arrogance" that gets carried in my written words.

Yes, worry can lead to paranoia and freaky behavior. It gives me the shivers just thinking about this that you write. Thankfully, most all of my jobs have been working with men so I didn't get trampled on very much. Uh, no offense to my fellow women who too can be delightful.

LadyBug

i am sorry that you feel very unable to express yourself with language. do you paint/create things or have another good outlet for at least some creativity?

i certainly sympathise with you on this, i find chit chat best not expanded on and writing difficult to flow naturally. also i do find men easier to get on with on the whole too. i got very few female friends. i find women too emotionally demanding in a certain way that i cannot fake so either they lose interest in me pretty quickly or we do hit it off, it can all be a bit intense. not sure if i can explain how.

Communicating through Poetry

Thank you for your sentiments,
There is much I do get in compliment.
Once being told that a college professor,
Would find my writing as more than lesser.

Some think I hold a degree,
And expect very much from me.
It is shock and wonder for them to discover,
I don't have much more than being a mother.

To a sweet little boy who is quite mannered,
Very likeable by many yet still hammered.
To thinking it is all his fault in trying to talk,
When the words come out cold and wrought.

This manner of creative writing I've been doing,
Came to me when one couldn't speak fluent.
She wrote to me in prose struggling to share,
I understood and replied and now I'm here!



Thank you for your sentiments. However, I've been told I can hang in there with the best of them in spite of that which I'm lacking. I just go on along as best I can, and don't become to caught up in what I don't have, or didn't get. Instead, I found a way to make it work.

LadyBug