Spot's's Diary vs. Buck the Cat's Diary
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am: Dog food nuggets! My favorite thing!
8:30 am: A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:30 am: Chased the arrogant cat! My favorite thing!
10:30 am: Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm: Lunch leftovers! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm: Played catch in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm: Licked Master's face! My favorite thing!
4:00 pm: Humped the kid's leg! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm: Howled at the neighbors! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm: Wow! Watched TV with my Master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm: Slept on Master's bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from the Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 583 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed canned hash or some sort of stale dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape ... In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to best use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously ret*d! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now ...
Me, I sit at the window and stare endlessly at freedom.
05 Mar 2007, 6:04 pm
This excerpt is the very reason I learned to read.
