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Giftorcurse
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01 Oct 2012, 11:06 am

I'm managed to get the first chapter of my WIP psychological sci-fi thriller done, and the second chapter is where the fun begins. We're introduced to Klaus Krieger, a genetically-perfect, eyepatch-wearing Aryan with an icy blue, almost gray left eye and boyish looks that would drive the average man into envy. Barely out of his twenties, he's already a candidate for a Nobel Prize for his scientific achievements, and is already the head scientist of the Prometheus Corporation's human experimentation wing, Anthro Division. He's also a sociopath, a fact that Klaus is very much aware of, and uses to his advantage. He is an expert, not only in science, but in what he dubs "the Great Game": psychological manipulation. During the course of the story, his pet project, a human enhancement program called Catharsis, is about to be given the greenlight by the Corporation "suits" and become commercial. Catharsis is a combo of gene therapy and psychotherapy, the goal ostensibly being the maximization of human potential. The Corporation sees this as just another cash cow, but Klaus has other plans which has potential backers in Washington and Langley (you know what it means) scared to death. He intends to use Catharsis as a means of social engineering, and "redesign" society into a utopia by infiltrating key elements. He's well-intentioned, but his methods are extremely questionable. He has a covert group of Catharsis subjects, loyal followers of his Eden, who commit acts of industrial espionage and psychological warfare.

So far, so good?


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the_beautiful_mess
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01 Oct 2012, 12:19 pm

I like. And that's high praise from me.

BUT.

1) Something I immediately thought is if he's genetically perfect, why does he wear an eye patch? Is it from some sort of accident? I'd like to know.

2) Also, I'm not saying you're copying, but 'The Great Game' phrase has already kind of been coined, most notably by Sherlock Holmes and Jim Moriarty in the Sherlock series, and the thing is, that's quite a big hit right now, so sociopaths talking about 'The Great Game' is kind of already there, which might just be something to think about.

:elephant:


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MakaylaTheAspie
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01 Oct 2012, 12:29 pm

the_beautiful_mess wrote:
2) Also, I'm not saying you're copying, but 'The Great Game' phrase has already kind of been coined, most notably by Sherlock Holmes and Jim Moriarty in the Sherlock series, and the thing is, that's quite a big hit right now, so sociopaths talking about 'The Great Game' is kind of already there, which might just be something to think about.


Perhaps in some of the dialogue, the character could say: "As other great men before me have dubbed it, I present the ultimate challenge: The Great Game."

I personally think the character is fine. It would make for an interesting novel. :thumright:


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Giftorcurse
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01 Oct 2012, 12:40 pm

In regards to the eyepatch...

Let's just say his father was a cruel, uncompromising man. Failure, in Helmut Krieger's book, resulted in your right eye getting gouged out by a razor blade.


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DominictheStampede
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01 Oct 2012, 2:42 pm

Sounds great to me. Good luck with the second chapter :)



knowbody15
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01 Oct 2012, 4:25 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
I'm managed to get the first chapter of my WIP psychological sci-fi thriller done, and the second chapter is where the fun begins. We're introduced to Klaus Krieger, a genetically-perfect, eyepatch-wearing Aryan with an icy blue, almost gray left eye and boyish looks that would drive the average man into envy. Barely out of his twenties, he's already a candidate for a Nobel Prize for his scientific achievements, and is already the head scientist of the Prometheus Corporation's human experimentation wing, Anthro Division. He's also a sociopath, a fact that Klaus is very much aware of, and uses to his advantage. He is an expert, not only in science, but in what he dubs "the Great Game": psychological manipulation. During the course of the story, his pet project, a human enhancement program called Catharsis, is about to be given the greenlight by the Corporation "suits" and become commercial. Catharsis is a combo of gene therapy and psychotherapy, the goal ostensibly being the maximization of human potential. The Corporation sees this as just another cash cow, but Klaus has other plans which has potential backers in Washington and Langley (you know what it means) scared to death. He intends to use Catharsis as a means of social engineering, and "redesign" society into a utopia by infiltrating key elements. He's well-intentioned, but his methods are extremely questionable. He has a covert group of Catharsis subjects, loyal followers of his Eden, who commit acts of industrial espionage and psychological warfare.

So far, so good?


I'd say that because he's a psychopath, he's ultimately selfish and misguided.....he doesn't REALLY care about anything but himself. But you only see that in very candid moments, most of time he's bullshitting.... The villain sounds cool to me, he sounds like a brilliant a**hole lol


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Chevand
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02 Oct 2012, 1:19 am

My immediate first impression is "Bond villain". To me, what you've posted here about the character is reminiscent of an amalgum of Emilio Largo, Hugo Drax, and Max Zorin. I don't mean this to be necessarily good or bad; it could go either way, depending on how you choose to interpret it. If that sort of character was what you were aiming for, I think you've hit the target on the bullseye. I certainly don't see anything wrong with that, either. The old artists' saying about there being nothing new under the sun comes to mind, and since it's inevitable that there will always be some similarities to other creative works, my philosophy is that it's better to embrace them. However, in any case, whether the similarity is an influence, an homage or purely coincidental, you might find it helpful to come up with a couple distinguishing characteristics or actions that broaden the character's scope in the plot a little and set him apart from the Flemingian clichés. I think the "eugenic social engineering" angle has a lot of potential, if you bring something else into it that surprises the reader.


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knowbody15
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02 Oct 2012, 2:13 am

Giftorcurse wrote:
I'm managed to get the first chapter of my WIP psychological sci-fi thriller done, and the second chapter is where the fun begins. We're introduced to Klaus Krieger, a genetically-perfect, eyepatch-wearing Aryan with an icy blue, almost gray left eye and boyish looks that would drive the average man into envy. Barely out of his twenties, he's already a candidate for a Nobel Prize for his scientific achievements, and is already the head scientist of the Prometheus Corporation's human experimentation wing, Anthro Division. He's also a sociopath, a fact that Klaus is very much aware of, and uses to his advantage. He is an expert, not only in science, but in what he dubs "the Great Game": psychological manipulation. During the course of the story, his pet project, a human enhancement program called Catharsis, is about to be given the greenlight by the Corporation "suits" and become commercial. Catharsis is a combo of gene therapy and psychotherapy, the goal ostensibly being the maximization of human potential. The Corporation sees this as just another cash cow, but Klaus has other plans which has potential backers in Washington and Langley (you know what it means) scared to death. He intends to use Catharsis as a means of social engineering, and "redesign" society into a utopia by infiltrating key elements. He's well-intentioned, but his methods are extremely questionable. He has a covert group of Catharsis subjects, loyal followers of his Eden, who commit acts of industrial espionage and psychological warfare.

So far, so good?


Let me just continue here with my uber professional advice[/sarcasm] in bold, is the most important part of the next step of figuring what this means specifically. Here's the really bad example. The good guys want to use Catharsis to help humans become more educated, more productive, happy.... while Patch wearing bad guy wants to build super soldiers. Totally bad example, but do you see what I'm saying. And the way you figure out what the bad guy wants

Then think about what kind of story you want to tell in regards to the catharsis project. If the project never gets underway, then the story is about the backstabbing, clandestine operations, murder that is going on in order to create Catharsis. The end result is stopping the Catharsis process from initiating. In other words, stopping the bomb before it goes off so to speak.

But with your villain, it sounds like you're looking for a more action oriented story. In this version, the Catharsis project in under way, and super humans are being created, and you may want a hero who is gonna be doing a lot of fighting.

The third way, another kind of thriller where these super intelligent humans are infiltrating society and carrying out some sinister plan for the villain. This would be pretty cool. Half detective/we need to track these guys, and part action thriller.

Sorry dude, for the long winded post, I'm not trying to say I'm some great writer, most of that is prolly crap, but I tend to get into the whole structure of story.......


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Giftorcurse
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02 Oct 2012, 7:29 am

A plot summary, just to help you guys.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt206524.html


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