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I am still hurt 10 years later - Help me let this go

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Summer_Twilight
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26 Aug 2020, 10:55 am

Fnord,

She was a Bridezilla to me frequently during her engagement, which was in a very sneaky way. She pulled lots of things on me as well, which nearly caused me to cut her out of my life before her wedding. However, the friendship was never the same after that as she was always doing and saying things that pushed my buttons. She eventually decided that she didn't want anything to do with me because I was not willing to play her games or take crap from her.



Fnord
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26 Aug 2020, 11:01 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Fnord, She was a Bridezilla to me frequently during her engagement, which was in a very sneaky way. She pulled lots of things on me as well, which nearly caused me to cut her out of my life before her wedding. However, the friendship was never the same after that as she was always doing and saying things that pushed my buttons. She eventually decided that she didn't want anything to do with me because I was not willing to play her games or take crap from her.
Then you are a much better person than she, and you are much better off without her, too.  Good riddance to her!


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Summer_Twilight
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26 Aug 2020, 12:17 pm

I have led an amazing life without her and I am fine with that. I have too many things to do and other people to keep me company. Every time I would associate with her or hear from her, I would end up getting upse

Long story short, I got a letter and a card from her a year ago after some time. While I don't want to get into how I handled things, I will tell you this. I told her that my aunt had died, who did a lot for her, and it only took her 5 months to get back with me. She also sent me a letter saying she was "Sorry" for treating me poorly and admitting that she was not a good friend. However, she talked about herself and how she improving her own life, rather than admitting what she did. She also seemed to build me until the end by saying she didn't want to be friends but wanted us to be at peace with each other. I was mad and suggested we meet up and in person with a third member to sort everything out, but she stonewalled me.

So



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 26 Aug 2020, 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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26 Aug 2020, 12:31 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I have led an amazing life without her and I am fine with that. I have too many things to do and other people to keep me company.
Then it seems to me that you are well on your way to letting go, and any further advice would be superfluous.

:thumright:


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Summer_Twilight
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26 Aug 2020, 12:50 pm

Yes, I think so too but for the longest time; I was furious and hurt because I thought she was my friend when she wasn't and I felt betrayed. I don't like her either, so as she does things that bother me.



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26 Aug 2020, 1:00 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Yes, I think so too but for the longest time; I was furious and hurt because I thought she was my friend when she wasn't and I felt betrayed. I don't like her either, so as she does things that bother me.
I understand betrayal.  My ex-wife divorced me so she could marry her boyfriend.  It took a while before I stopped obsessing about what she did.  Eventually, I decided to think of the woman I had married as dead, and the woman who divorced me as her murderer -- even though they are actually the same woman.  Once I let that idea take hold, the "crime victim" switched from being me to being her, and I do feel some sadness and pity for her, but no longer for me.  Otherwise, I feel only regret that I wasted part of my life on a fool's dream, and the successes I've made since then (including a 25+year marriage to a beautiful woman) have eased that regret significantly.


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Summer_Twilight
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27 Aug 2020, 6:49 am

What hurts is that these people do things that make you mad, while you are in the relationship, they keep convincing that they "Love you." This ex-friend kept convincing me that she "Loved me like a sister," which was not true. That really stung.



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27 Aug 2020, 7:16 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
What hurts is that these people do things that make you mad, while you are in the relationship, they keep convincing that they "Love you." This ex-friend kept convincing me that she "Loved me like a sister," which was not true. That really stung.


Aspies tend to be more loyal than NTs.
And NTs find it much easier to lie.
Not a good combination.



Fnord
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27 Aug 2020, 8:18 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
What hurts is that these people do things that make you mad, while you are in the relationship, they keep convincing that they "Love you." This ex-friend kept convincing me that she "Loved me like a sister," which was not true. That really stung.
This might also sting a little, and I am sorry; but no one can make you feel anything without your permission.

Deny her the privilege of "pressing your buttons", and you will eventually be able to laugh in her face.

But if you cut her out of your life completely, then you won't have to do even that.


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Summer_Twilight
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27 Aug 2020, 1:16 pm

Fnord wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
What hurts is that these people do things that make you mad, while you are in the relationship, they keep convincing that they "Love you." This ex-friend kept convincing me that she "Loved me like a sister," which was not true. That really stung.
This might also sting a little, and I am sorry; but no one can make you feel anything without your permission.

Deny her the privilege of "pressing your buttons", and you will eventually be able to laugh in her face.

But if you cut her out of your life completely, then you won't have to do even that.



She is on the spectrum herself



Fnord
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27 Aug 2020, 3:10 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
What hurts is that these people do things that make you mad, while you are in the relationship, they keep convincing that they "Love you." This ex-friend kept convincing me that she "Loved me like a sister," which was not true. That really stung.
This might also sting a little, and I am sorry; but no one can make you feel anything without your permission.  Deny her the privilege of "pressing your buttons", and you will eventually be able to laugh in her face.  But if you cut her out of your life completely, then you won't have to do even that.
She is on the spectrum herself
Do you know this for a fact?

Even if it is factual, being on the spectrum should not absolve her of treating you like trash.


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Summer_Twilight
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28 Aug 2020, 10:07 am

She never got an official diagnosis, but she has disabilities that resemble ASD based on evaluations she has told me about. As for treating me like trash, I was not happy that you did that myself because the way she did it was strange. That being said, it was a miserable friendship and though it hurt; it has been nice to breathe. Anyway, she threw me away a long time ago and I would like to leave her alone and go on with my life now. She's very stuck on herself and acts like she's superior to other people with disabilities. I honestly don't have time for snobs.



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 28 Aug 2020, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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28 Aug 2020, 10:09 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
She never got an official diagnosis, but she has disabilities that resemble ASD based on evaluations she has told me about. As for treating me like trash, I was not happy that you did that myself but that shows I am better off without her.
Did I really do that?!  When?  What did I say?  Please tell me!

:(


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Summer_Twilight
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28 Aug 2020, 11:11 am

You are right, having a disability does not imply that someone should be a jerk and behave badly