NOTE: This was originally sent to the NAS so there may be phrases in it which refer to its helpline, and my previous enquiry.
I do have some . I am not feeling as happy as I was earlier in our previous school year, because of some worries. One of them is that there were a couple of boys in my year who tried to make me upset. One of them did things throughout the year (once he stuck a label on my back saying “I have AIDS run quickly” and physically provoking me) which has worried me. I have tried ignoring the majority of the time but he often looks into what I’m doing if I do ignore him. I just want him to leave me alone. Luckily he has not assaulted me or beaten me up; the majority of the bullying has been verbal.
The other boy only started in the final week of the year, and has often been trying to get a reaction out of me by deliberately putting his thumb up and saying “I love you.” (Despite the fact that I’m a boy – how bizarre!) Then on the third last day he sat next to me and I ignored him. He deliberately said that I can’t read, even though I can! I proved him wrong but he came up with a smug argument. So I kept telling him to go away. He eventually did, but he got his friend to ask me questions such as “Do you like [his friend’s name]?” and “Do you like me?” I saw these questions as difficult to answer, so I tried ignoring them.
I am very worried that this intimidating behaviour will affect my academic performance next year, and I kept worrying about it over the summer (about whether it would happen when I came back). What are the best ways to tackle this problem without my retaliation getting thrown back at me, and what routine can I do to make myself feel better? I could get a seat change so I am seated away from the bullies.
Another major worry is that I have lost two major outlets in the year: my two friends with Asperger’s Syndrome (who will not be able to see me as often as they are doing their A-Levels while I’m still doing my GCSEs) and my SENCO (who I told you about in the previous e-mail). My friends (who are a year older than me) will not be able to see me as often due to different timetables, and what upsets me is that, two people who I can really share my thoughts with – gone! The reason why they are excellent friends is because I don’t have to vary my behaviour in any way to suit them (like with typical people around my age). I do use a forum though, so do you think that it’s worth starting a pen-pal relationship or starting an Asperger’s activity group?
I can accept that my old SENCO won’t be able to help me because of the work and that she has moved on but I am worried that I won’t be able to get as much help as before. Although my next SENCO will be helpful to me I feel that it won’t be as effective as the help I previously received (which was very good). Because of this I’m concerned that I will get extremely upset and not be able to concentrate with my studies. As a result, I feel in a way that I may seriously go downhill.
Also, there is the idea that my mental stimulation has gone down since our year’s final exam as I relaxed a bit and led to the attitude I have now. I do understand that everybody needs a time to relax, and you have suggested looking for clubs or part-time jobs. The only problem is that I am too young to get a part-time job and I want to do a science-related activity – there aren’t any in my town. I do enjoy doing presentations on Asperger’s Syndrome and autism, but there have not been any requests.
I have a tendency to keep worrying overly and not being able to think positively. I do think that because my short-term memory is not very good that I will instantly forget the positive thoughts. This leads to me becoming a very sad person (as a matter of fact I broke into tears before writing this) with no positive feelings, despite my success (as a matter of fact, I was once on a national TV spelling competition!) I am also considered to be a perfectionist – I mean that I achieve very well and am so used to the positive achievements that I don’t feel very thrilled at doing very well. I cannot cheer myself up very well either, although listening to music or playing computer games sometimes helps. This excessive anxiety over the summer could be because I am not back at school yet (although I have an induction day on Tuesday) and therefore don’t have much of an idea of what to expect. Could it be because I have been very tired lately due to a distorted body clock?
I do feel that there is a possible solution though – when I was very happy in school I did quite a bit of exercise. Now I don’t do as much – do you think that doing a martial art (such as Taekwondo) may help? It is because it may increase my stamina and self-esteem that it may be extremely effective. I just worry though that because my parents are generally very busy, so they may not be able to spare some money for the courses. Sometimes I feel that they prioritise their work over my well-being (although I can appreciate that work is very important to everyone). I don’t know that for sure though.
Speaking of parents, I am also worried that they will not be able to provide me with much support. Often when I bring up a topic about my feelings it may be the wrong time and they just want to relax or have to do something else. I want to allocate some time slots for this exclusively. However, I do feel a bit insecure about talking my issues over with my mother; because she is the sort of person who is very social and may compare me to everyone else (e.g. “I’m sure nobody of your age is doing this.”). I do feel insecure about this because I don’t think that she is the sort of person who thinks “Oliver is doing something that is a bit strange, but that’s just the way it is.” My brother is the same, and will sometimes try to question why I do things in a certain way. My dad said that he will speak to them about this. What is a possible thing I could say to them to make them think?
I know it has been a long summer, but I am always concerned that my work isn’t up to standard. I have been doing some work for two subjects, and I somehow get the impression that everyone else will have done more than me. One of the subjects I didn’t do any work for, but the work will not be handed in to the exam board until December (I also got ‘Highest Achiever’ in it – so was there really anything to worry about?). I am worried about coming back to the work after months of not having to concentrate on it. They say you should only do a bit at a time, but I often take a ‘black-and-white’ approach – I either work or I don’t. What can I do about this?
I am in serious need of advice, so are there any books about Asperger’s Syndrome that concentrate on these issues (or similar issues)? I feel very upset about this and I feel that I can’t find a perfect solution. Often I have talked about it to my father but it eventually leads to a circular conversation which gets nowhere. He said that it upsets him that I can’t easily be persuaded as I was before, and that he is concerned about me going downhill. This also upset me a lot.
So, to summarise, here are my questions.
What is the most ideal and diplomatic solution to dealing with bullies?
What should I do if they try to find a way around my defences?
How can I learn to appreciate my success more?
On our school induction day, should I talk to my new SENCO about my concerns?
How can I change my mentality slightly to become happier? Should I take anti-depressants?
Should I try to e-mail my old SENCO? She did give me her e-mail address but I don’t want to pester her.
Is it worth doing a martial art?
Can you recommend me any good books/leaflets from your site?
How can I deal with oppressive family members?
How can I deal with stress?
It makes me feel happy to know that this is a means of support! Thank you for any support you may give.
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If the phrase "you are what you eat" is correct, technically we must all be cannibals.
02 Sep 2007, 3:55 pm
