I felt anger, then a bleak depression, after father died...

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A breakdown that continues a month after... (put in an image as cloudflare was preventing the direct text... click to zoom...)

Hi I'm sorry about what happened to your dad, I lost my cousin to a car crash in Bangladesh.

I miss him so much.....

Sweet Pea hugs

Anyone has any theories on why he did that? Gender? Maybe due to being born first, gotten used to me? Perhaps due to the perceived neurodivergence?

so sorry for your troubles. sorting feelings around losing a loved one can take years. do your best self care as you work it all out.

Uh, I know it's the thing that's usually said, but as can be surmised it's not, exactly, a "loved one" issue...

I get that too, sort of a blanket term for loss of family member, I came from an abusive household, so I understand the conflicts and upsets that might turn up in processing. So difficult to process, and yes, both my parents have been gone for many years, I am still working on that. In so many ways it was an actual relief..
( I know it is not socially acceptable to say that, but it is true no less).

Answers to why we become the 'focus" of abusive households? Parents feel inadequate , maybe resent that we are "difficult" and do not live up to their *(unrealistic) expectations, we just happen to be there to take their frustrations out on, it is on them, not you.

You deserved love, compassion, guidance, safety, and they did not provide it due to their own struggles they were simply not competent to provide what you needed. Not even close. They failed at being parents. Not your fault.


I have learned how to see the needy scared child in me and to give her the love and comfort that my family situation never did.

You deserve self compassion, you deserve self care,you deserve love, you deserve peace and safety.
You can give yourself these things that you never had before. It wasn't you, it was them.

I find even so late in my life I feel much safer now I don't have to interact with my deceased parents. It is a relief.

I hope you can move on and focus on giving yourself the things they did not give you.

It is OK to feel sorry for that little kid that never got the love and care they needed, when they needed it. It is OK to be angry about it, and it is OK to love yourself and care for yourself today and live your best life as the scars of the past are left behind.