There's a good reason why I'm able to walk at night alone to a point I have to reassure people.
Seriously. Sometimes it's annoying that I have to.
I don't have to use a lot of words, more like I make people assume from my body language.
I have particular habits that make me seemingly more aware of my surroundings than I actually do.
I don't know how, but I don't register as someone who's anxious that will fawn or will freeze, I'm registered as someone who will hit back. Not my words.
They're more wary about that or underestimate me over it.
Insults and provocations from the streets do not affect me.
I never needed to prepare myself.
It's more like I always have this pent up feeling that I'm always looking for a fight.
Sometimes people read it as if people should stay away from me. And I'm someone whose stature is skinny and not that tall.
So far, I'm not clumsy to not run or not be able to hit back. And I have a screwed sense of danger that people think I'm being brave.
And an equally screwed fear based reaction that's not typical of most humans, let alone typical of an autistics'.
As for verbal confrontation, all I need is a better internal regulation (to guarantee, a reliable executive function processing) and then I can do it well.
Preferably as long as my damn body is not a cognitive processing thief.
As a kid and a teenager?
I was easily provoked and being very reactively violent that's mistaken for a meltdown.
I say it's not a meltdown because the thought of hurting people back is very intentional.
I chased too many kids at my age, beaten up plenty of boys that did.
And people around me then can see that I'm being provoked, knew better than encourage it, that bullies are more like doing it for the thrill.