Tried to make a friend and ended up with a girlfriend...:(

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Dear all,

A quick question on your experiences on a very niche problem I keep having.

I found myself 3 times now already in the un-enviable position that I like, am fond of someone, of the opposite sex and wanted to engage with them to try and start an eventual friendship. They saw/heard my openheartedness and, what I would call, info dumping as sweet and as a sign that I would be a good romantic partner for them...
Do not ask me why because I have still to figure that part out and fear I never might...

tldr: I lost 3 friends, because romantic engagements are Not what I'm looking for.

I blame myself but have yet to find the way/script/approach to not have this happen.
Since the last time this happend a year ago, I try very hard to avoid all male-female interactions.
Yes, I know it's a luxury problem. What is not a luxury problem is that I have no friends and would truly like one...
In my teens, I've always been more comfortable conversing with girls than boys and the macho attitude that seems to be a prerequisite for male friendships is not something I can not relate to at all.

I actually have this problem, but with men.

It has always been easier for me to connect with men more than women, with the biggest factor being that I am interested in masculine hobbies. I never had to navigate some weird, unspoken social status with women like I do with men. More often than not, I have had confessions of romantic feelings, where I had to reject them. I think what happens is that I'm considered to be a "safe" woman to talk to. I already know a side of them that they won't need to be afraid of showing to a potential mate. I have the same humor, the same opinions, etc. I won't ridicule them, like some women might. There's some kind of... understanding that has already been made.

Maybe that is similar to the dilemma you have with women? You are creating a safe environment for them by being yourself, and it is being interpreted as safe to explore romantic feelings.

Not sure if this all makes sense nor am I trying to brag about attention. This is something I have happened to notice throughout my time as a preteen to now.

I've had this problem.

I mostly don't mind it, but when/if things end it makes it more stressful because I'll end up with both no friends and no partner instead of no partner but still having some sort of support network.

@honeytoast
@funeralxempire

Dear honeytoast and funeralxempire,

Thank you so much for your feedback.
I am truly grateful for your feedback and confirmation that I am not alone in this.

I think you hit the nail on the head honeytoast; hind-sight being 20/20, by trying to set the stage as accomodating as possible for their values and opinions in my conversations, as life has tought me that beeing ASd in a NT world requires this stance. It set the stage for them to feel peraps too safe and their limbic systems then trigger romantic emotions.
as such, I'll try and be a bit more adversarial in my "getting-to-know-you" conversations.
Thank you.

And indeed funeralxempire,
A good support network is worth its value in gold... but life gets in the ways sometimes.

many thanks and kind regards,
Kada