No life, and a boyfriend who wants to keep it that way

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Tequila
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11 Oct 2007, 1:26 pm

You can say that about a lot of people though.

Try and look for ways out now - plan ahead. I'm sure there's disability services locally that can help you with that.



miserylovescompany
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11 Oct 2007, 1:32 pm

Not without a social services referal there isen't



agmoie
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11 Oct 2007, 1:33 pm

Where in the UK are you?You could find a womans refuge and they could get you into accomodation.You are suffering spousal abuse even if he does not physically hit you.
Mental torture like you are getting is unacceptable.PM ME IF YOU WANT HELP FINDING HELP....



Tequila
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11 Oct 2007, 1:39 pm

Mansfield she said agmoie.

What about disability organisations? You need a social worker or as agmoie says a women's refuge. You are under attack and need to leave.



agmoie
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Tequila
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11 Oct 2007, 1:53 pm

Is there anyway you can leave the house to call them?



Graelwyn
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11 Oct 2007, 4:06 pm

Loving him is not a good enough reason to stay and put up with this crap.
To be honest, it sounds as if you have become too afraid to try and step out alone and break free of this, so in a sense, you are imprisoning yourself. He IS NOT going to change. If he were, he would have by now. He has found a great way to control you and play power games, using the pretence of love for it. Does this seem like love to you? It sure is a funny form of love, in my opinion. Love is not meant to be controlling. He is quite obviously very dysfunctional and in remaining with him, you are allowing both of yourselves to continue this pattern.

What help do you expect here if you are not willing to break free and step out alone?
There is assistance out there, if you want it. If you told housing what is going on, and got a doctor note to say you have AS, you could probably get housing benefits sorted out. At the very least, you have 2 offers of assistance here and there are shelters.

I would take you in, being a fellow female, but my flat isn't that large or tidy and I know we aspies have different routines and requirements.

I do hope you will realise that your love for him isn't doing you or he any favours.

That is just the way I see it. You are wasting time suffering in the vain hope there will be a miracle.



WhiteRaven
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16 Oct 2007, 11:25 am

please don't take this the wrong way, but are you sure you do love him, not that he hasn't scared you into making yourself love him?

you need to break the cycle of abuse, either by standing up to him, or leaving when he is out one day, it may sound cowardly, but if it is the only way out, then take it


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samtoo
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16 Oct 2007, 11:51 am

Seriously miserylovescompany I don't think you can change people in this stuff... you have to take action. You cannot let this guy control you.


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17 Oct 2007, 8:44 pm

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you. You DO NOT deserve it. It sounds like you're starting to realize that - and that's a great, healthy step in the right direction. I know you're not ready to step away yet, but this is an abusive relationship. Leaving an abusive relationship is a difficult, emotional decision, and no one can be expected to just up and leave suddenly. There are social work professionals and shelters that can help you when you're ready. I'm not in the UK, so unfortunately I can't offer you any physical support like housing, but I'm supporting you in spirit.

Here's an internet (hug) for you - and being an Aspie, I don't give them to just anyone!



talitha_kumi
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18 Oct 2007, 3:59 am

Citizens Advice Bureau. If you get DLA and your condition is bad enough you can't work, then you likely qualify for a whole bunch of other benefits that they can advise you about. The benefits you're entitled to would probably cover the rent on a flat of your own. Most CAB branches have advisors in them specifically trained to help people with mental health problems. My local one helped me a lot when I applied for DLA.

Quote:
Mansfield Citizens Advice Bureau
Suites 22 -24
Brunts Business Centre, Block B
Samuel Brunts Way
MANSFIELD
Nottinghamshire
NG18 2AH

Telephone: 01623 627163
Fax: 01623 427472
Map: link to map