She wanted me to be honest. So I was.

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My boyfriend’s cousin and his friend stayed over at our house for three days. (We also have a roommate) and for the record I work 12 hours a day and my bf also works but his schedule is different.

First day went well but when I woke up the next day, I woke up for work to see dirty dishes and trash on the kitchen island and trash on the couch. I came home from work and saw the same thing. I thought okay and just put the dishes in the sink and took care of the trash.

Next day I woke up to the same thing and got more annoyed. So I did the same thing with the dishes and the trash. Got home from work to rotisserie chicken sitting out and lot of groceries sitting on the kitchen island.

I was okay with the chicken because they had gotten home about an hour before I got off work. I had some of it and tried to enjoy rest of my afternoon and had a drink.

I didn’t sleep well and woke up at 3:00 in the morning. Walking in the kitchen to a mess I just sighed tossing my hands in the air and took care of the dishes.

Fast forward to today they were wanting to head home so we took them back home. While in the car his cousin asked if they were good company and I paused for a minute thinking if I should be honest.

My bf said “are you sure you want to know that answer?” His cousin said yeah and even asked to tell her. My bf pretty tried to drop me a hint not to say anything saying “you are wanting an honest opinion from an autistic person”. Again she wanted me to tell her.

So I did. I told her I was annoyed waking up in the morning to dirty dishes on the island with trash, trash on the couch, no body asked how to run the dishwasher or take out the trash. She responded with an ohh well I’m sorry.

My bf is pretty sure she was upset by what I said. But I wanted to be honest which I am trying to do more of now.

Our roommate was able to do much due recovering from an injury, and my bf is a type 1 diabetic and his sugar will drop. He also has been sleeping a lot.

There’s part of me that feels bad that I was telling the truth and she was upset. But other part that’s not.

I don't know all the details, but it sounds like they were really bad (temporary) roommates and you shouldn't feel bad about saying so, especially since they insisted that you do.
There's a stark difference between a guest and somebody staying with you. Invited guests are to be treated with respect and catered to, within reason, and they're not expected to do anything. If a guest uses your dishes, you are expected to take them away and it's left to you to clean them. When somebody is staying with you, however, they are the ones that are expected to be respectful and abide by the rules and the things you ask of them. When somebody is staying with you they should clean up after themselves. They should never be leaving messes for you to clean up.
Even if they didn't think so, they were disrespectful and rude, and it's important that these people know they did something wrong here. This bad experience is going to impact whether or not you let them stay with you again in the future and the only way that there's any chance of their behavior improving is if they're aware of it. So, you shouldn't feel bad about that.
That aside, she asked you for your thoughts. Your boyfriend heavily implied that she wouldn't like the response but she insisted you tell her anyway, so you have nothing to feel bad about in that regard either. A non-autistic person may have been more delicate or political in telling them they made bad roommates, but the implication that you would be blunt was there as well and after spending three days living with you she should also already be familiar with how you reply. If she was upset by your honesty she shouldn't have insisted. Or, really, she should have just been respectful and cleaned up after herself. Then you wouldn't have had a complaint.

Uhmmm.. Well she asked ? and I guess your guest needed a ride home ? on top of it . Either way at least you were honest, Aspie or not.

Perhaps the cousin is too used to getting away because they're surrounded by enablers like the BF. It's best they learn. The manner in which they asked the question too, I bet a shrink could have a field day with that one.

This reminds of of what a famous (and controversial) psychologist says on parents who let their kids be a source of irritation to others; if your Child is the most precious thing in the world and you're there to protect it, what kind of parent allows a roomfull of people to be angry and despising towards their child?

IMO, Telling the truth was the right call here. Otherwise they will come back and trash your place again!!

I hate I mean HATE people leaving messes. Dirty dishes need to be washed and put away, or put in the dishwasher. things need to be put away, coats need to be hung up, etc...

So if someone is a house guest, they need to be told how it's going to be.

I think it's pointless to say something like this after the fact. The time to negotiate or set boundaries had already passed. Honesty is a virtue when it facilitates communication or effects change; when the moment has passed, and it can achieve nothing except to hurt someone's feelings, it seems self-indulgent to me.

I think it would have been fine to ask them to take more care or to state your frustration, and fine to decide you didn't need that consideration from them. Nothing wrong with honesty! It's just the timing that makes me a little uncomfortable here.

Having said that, there's no point regretting it. Either you'd do the same thing again or you wouldn't: something to know and accept about yourself, not something to feel guilty about.

Me & my girlfriend both tend to be very lazy at home partly due to our various issues. We tend to be laid back about what others do or not do in our home when staying over. That said, I do get that coming home from work to dirty dishes can be upsetting for some. It's your place after all & having others in your space at home can be problematic even if it's only for a short time.

My mom is passive aggressive about housework. She'll take it upon herself to do various housework feeling it needs to be done & then she complains afterwards about how she had to do it because no one else would. She's also kind of picky about the way things get done & complains if they are not done right. My dynamic when I lived there was to let her do all the housework unless she asked/told me to do something since she would be upset either way & not doing work is easier than doing it; I was the the opposite way at work when I was employed but very happy to relax when I got home. I kind of wonder if your house guests have experienced others acting in this kind of passive aggressive way. It's also possible that they planned to do some housework before they left but you took care of it before they could. I tend to let chores like washing dishes & taking out the garbage pile up & then do a bunch at once. Three days worth of a mess is a lot smaller than a couple weeks worth which I often let pile up. On the other hand it's also quite possible that your house guests did not consider doing any housework or they did not care about doing it.

Either way she directly asked about what kind of house guest she was & insisted that you be honest with her & you were. If she really cared she should of offered to help out while she was there. Also if you were really bothered you could of asked them to help out or suggested how they could though us Aspies can majorly s#ck with communication & some want to avoid confrontation. If I was bothered I'd probably would of answered in a half truth by saying something about the extra housework being only a small minor nuisance but not a big deal but I'm an Aspie who's good at lying when I see a good reason to.

I'm sure if I went to a person's house and made a mess like that and asked them if they didn't mind me there, they'd be honest with me too. So, no, I don't think you did anything wrong, even for an ND.

^Good point. I know better than to ask the question afterwards & I'd offer to help while I'm there but maybe not offer to help my mom due to our long term dynamic.

You felt the need to speak your mind, so you did. I would have done the same thing.

Good on you for speaking up. I bet they won't ask to be house guests again at your house.

Thank you all for the replies and support.

When NTs tell you to be honest they mean only if you're not going to say something they don't like.

Usually I can't handle an honest answer, so if I really don't want someone to be honest with me then I wouldn't ask them to be honest. The only time I ask someone to be honest is when I am emotionally prepared to hear the worst of the truth.