Why it is best to date and marry someone you have known for

Post Reply New Topic

MANY YEARS vs. starting with a clean slate (stranger)! !!

I will use my neighbors Phil and Anita as a case study for why this approach works:

They met as kids and knew each other for a long time which made it easier to build trust and get to the point of transitioning from friendship to a romantic relationship/marriage!

What I am getting at is I believe people who desire marriage should have the foundation of friendship first before taking the plunge because you have to live with them until either death or divorce!! !

We should STOP initiating relationships with complete strangers since it's too risky and can lead to abuse & imprisonment!

It worked out for me with David but I think I just got lucky

What do you guys think about my analysis?

Thanks in advance!! !

This may seem like a good idea in theory but I don't think single adults typically become close friends with single people of the opposite sex without things quickly turning into a relationship or friends with benefits thing. Not to mention there's various cases where people change after they've been friends or in a relationship for a long time. From my personal experience I never had close women friends for an extended period & very few close guy friends for an extended period. Me & my first girlfriend became best friends very quickly & then entered a relationship after she told me she liked me & our seemingly great relationship became a disaster after a while. I was not friends first with my other two girlfriends but they quickly became my best friends after we were in a relationship & got to know each other a bit. My second relationship didn't work out partly due to our life circumstances requiring us to mostly remain long distance for possibly the next couple years in addition to her trying to figure herself out & that causing some major incompatibility. If we had only became friends first for a while instead of us being a couple we probably would not have entered a relationship & our friendship would of fizzled out after a while so you might have a good point with that relationship. In the case of my current relationship I think if we were only intending to be friends at first we would have quickly fallen for each other. We were both very upfront about things from the very beginning. The experiences of being in my two previous relationships helped change me in some major ways as well as helping prepare me for making my current relationship work.

The thing is that lots of people want or expect to experience an attraction towards their partners & want to feel a chemistry or spark. These things may be more likely to develop with someone they just meet or are getting to know than with someone that's been friends for a long time. There's also something called the friend zone where if someone has just been friends for a long time they will likely only remain friends & nothing more. Being friends with someone for an extended period hoping that the relationship will turn romantic can become painful which can lead to the person wanting a relationship to feel like they are being used & the person only wanting to be friends can feel like the friendship was faked. When someone is wanting a relationship it may be better to know where they stand with potential partners early on so they can know where to invest their time & if the other person also wants a relationship they can start dating & possibly become a couple instead of missing an opportunity because the other person gets in a relationship with someone else.

I'll add that people get in relationships for lots of various reasons. What works well for some people & couples may not work or is even bad for others & on the flip-side what does not work or is bad for some people & couples may work quite well for others. In my experience most of the typical dating advice was impractical for me & my situation. I also know that very few women would consider me as a potential partner. The same could be said for my current girlfriend but we're generally a great match for each other & understand & relate to each other better than anyone else has. I should not be judging what is best or not for other couples & people seeking relationships.

I disagree. My policy is to never date friends. Only date people you're dating, not people you were already friends with.