Attention Seeking

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I'm wondering if this kind of behaviour is to do with seeking some kind of validation

I mean I'm no expert but it was just on my mind

I'm no stranger to attention seeking myself and I've gone to extreme measures in my life to get attention so it is a genuine thing that I think about from time to time

Oh yeah and can it be related to autism or adhd or what

Attention-seeking can come in different contexts. It's normal for humans to want to be seen and heard and known about, although "attention-seeking" seems too strong a term to describe that as, although, in a way, it is, if you get what I mean.

But actual attention-seeking behaviour as we know it is the unacceptable sort. I used to be an attention-seeker when I was a child, by becoming sulky and doing little things to get attention, such as hiding so that my family would come and find me, or dropping something on the floor on purpose, stuff like that.

I do crave attention in a way, but not the childish or narcissistic sort of attention-seeking behaviour. I'm just very expressive and I like people to know who I am. So with me I think it comes from being a social Aspie/ADHDer with extrovert traits. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to express oneself. It might stem from my teenage years when I was unpopular and lonely but really craved company and wanted to be known. I lacked attention too much from my peers back then, and so now I just want to be known, seen, heard, understood, etc.

Yeah because some people can turn quite nasty can't they if they're not getting their own way

I don't know what attention-seeking is, really.

Like, someone drawing attention to accomplishments? Hoity-toity stuff? Acting out, getting aggressive?

Maybe attention-seeking is what happens when people have a need they just don't know how to get met. Like validation or security or meaningful relationships or whatever it may be. So you draw attention, like calling for help. "Other Human Animals Are Needed in This Space, Please."

And my gut feeling is that that might be correlated a bit with autism because... we don't internalise strategies we observe sometimes and I think it's also a bit more likely that we're just not taught good strategies.

Is there a sort of panic, like, when we know there's something we need but don't know how to get it. And then can we sort of thrash or flounder about sometimes until someone steps in or we figure out how the need can be addressed.

Is that attention-seeking behaviour? I don't know.

I just think we're very needs-driven animals and it's hard to be dignified and restrained about it when you don't know what you're doing, like.

It all seems very human to me. Except the hoity-toity stuff, which I sometimes really struggle to be patient with.

I didn't have the language for what was happening to me when I was a child and I still struggle with that now

But I did used to behave really badly to draw attention to myself because in my childish brain I thought that this would mean someone would see me

It didn't really work out for me though because then all people see is the bad things that you've done and not the reason why

From children, it is definitely a need that is not met. There is no question in my mind.

Kids have a developmental need for recognition from their adults. Obviously kids need love in general, but they also really, really need sustained, attuned attention. It is developmentally necessary. It is how we learn how to regulate, emotionally and behaviourally. If we don't get it, we develop survival strategies like attention-seeking.

^ that is what I think :p I deleted a bit because I got very long-winded about it.

If you're an adult and you attention seek like a child then you would be in big trouble

I was a child for a long time so I know about that

I am not a fan of punitive responses to stuff in general, whether it's adults or kids. But, sadly, the response to adults who act out is often unkind.

Knowing that doesn't help a kid learn to regulate their behaviours, though! Especially an autistic kid or a kid with adhd.

(and I deleted a bit here because... I was unintentionally a rude wench.)

Yeah there's stuff about me that only he will/can ever know

I'm going through a developmental process in my life ATM and I can see myself from a different perspective sometimes

I am very glad you are starting to catch glimpses of it