I am so confused

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Hey everyone. I um, have gone through several friendship transformations, and I have been unmasking and I also have adhd and have been on vyvanse and the more I have been on vyvanse the more I feel like I am autistic… I just, I don’t understand anything, and vulnerability is scary, but the coping mechanisms that used to give me that shot of dopamine before are just not doing that anymore. I feel so confused and scared. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore and I don’t know who to trust and it’s scary.

Is this depersonalization? I’m scared and I don’t want to do this alone. And the only person that I know would understand is someone that I like romantically who doesn’t feel the same way and essentially told me if I’m going to come back into her life it has to be in a non-romantic way and so I am just so lost and confused and I just want some help and understanding because I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to admit that I don’t know what I’m doing but I actually don’t.

Who am I? I feel a little… alien. But at the same time I feel more like myself than I ever have. Somebody help

All I can offer is some help in gaining confidence regarding Autistic-or-not-Autistic. Check out AQ.

In my case AQ supported a diagnosis of Autism and then the psychologist who did an Adult Autism Assessment of me gave me a formal diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) with an additional note that I also satisfied the criteria previously associated with Asperger's Syndrome. And with those credentials I would speculate I am not the best person to ask about such a complicated, sensitive interpersonal relationship issue.

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Well this is weird.
I get the impression you're resisting the urge to be somewhere you're supposed to be.
You'll know you're there when you see someone radiating like a beacon, which will completely override your hesitation.

You may freeze midway through the line you rehearsed, but it won't matter. The smile you get will leave you grinning like an idiot.

Enjoy!

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