First off, I am twice diagnosed ASD and ADHD. But in the past I was diagnosed with dysthymia, a major depressive disorder, in my early 20s. I decided to bold all my diagnoses, its important later.
Anyways, schizo disorders were first suggested to me with the dysthymia diagnosis due to my sleep issues. I will get into that later.
I did notice stimulants calmed me down and I was weird with people. So at 38 I got diagnosed with autism and adhd in solidarity with my kids who were autistic. But, schizotypal often appears as autism until later on in life.
I have had a lifetime of substance abuse. I started smoking pot at 14, and switched back and forth between pot and beer since. Everytime I quit everything, my life seemed to go haywire. Outsiders might attribute it to whatever but from my point of view, what happened everytime I quit everything was I got so incredibly socially paranoid that I shut down, or became incredibly irritable.
Thats not autism. Social paranoia is a key difference. Another is creativity. I have a very active imagination. I talked to myself when I was a child and was my own best friend. Made up huge fantastical stories outside. But the problem is, I also still do it as an adult in private.
Do I talk to people? Sortof. I have conversations with people I pretend are there. I can tell the difference. But thats why schizotypal is not schizophrenia. I can still tell its not real. I just get really close to believing its real.
My older brother died at 25 and he talked to people that were't here and it wasn't pleasant convos. I now believe he was schizophrenic. But he died young and schizophrenia sometimes takes longer to fully develop.
So thats one marker - a potential schizophrenic brother.
I also believe my mother may have been, but she died in 1989 when I was 7.
Anyways, so I get to the final diagnosis I got that probably means from here on out I have to "come clean."
I got a BS involuntary commitment. It was BS. I won't get into it. It was my first and hopefully only.
But, I did not go on any meds despite a bipolar 1 diagnosis. I survived it and got out after the 72 hour period.
So, FYI, if you get Autism, ADHD, and bipolar 1, and major depressive disorder diagnosis in your lifetime, its highly likely you are on the schizo spectrum and not either one of those. Bipolar 1 is a transient symptom of it. The social paranoia looks like autism. The attention span issues look like adhd. The depressive disorder stems from experiencing trauma especially harsh. I lost a mother and brother before I turned 20. I nearly killed myself with drugs and alcohol at age 25.
Anyways, so what does it mean?
Sleep issues:
Falling asleep is like dying to my brain. I fear it. When I fall asleep I am at risk of extreme night terrors. If the door isn't locked I will often have vivid nightmares of a monster coming in the room while I am helpless, and it kills me. It happens a lot, a very high percentage of times I fall asleep aware the door isn't secured.
Then theres sleep walking. I once carried my 5 year old daughter up the stairs to her mother while sleep walking and said "take her, she's safe with you." I vaguely remember it. Years earlier I slept walked and walked to my wife and said "f**k off" and pushed past her.
Oh and sometimes auditory hallucinations while falling in/out of sleep.
By the way, none of this happens on beer or large amounts of pot. Its why I have issues with drugs. Its hard to explain to others.
Stimulants also make me focused and are the reason I have a job. I prefer espresso. A long time ago, 20 years ago in college I used cocaine a few hundred times. I found it very relaxing. So in my mind cocaine is this drug that almost puts you to sleep. Almost. I would get a hotel room (I had a roommate that was not into that in a dorm room) and do it all night. I'd lie on the bed and just zone in and out. I'd swear it was opiates but I saw others do the exact same batch and they'd be bouncing.
15 Nov 2025, 1:19 am
