How do any of you deal with self hatred?

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What would you advise people to do instead of this sandwich technique? Would you prefer that the person just blurt out the criticism?

In tutorials on assertiveness and constructive criticism, the "sandwich technique" is commonly advised as a way to soften the criticism, to assure the person that you don't hate them.

I wouldn't say hate, but I've felt like a failure a lot from social screw ups, doing stupid things, and god knows what else. I've hit myself after an invent as happened as I know came off as weird, cringy, or creepy.

I have struggled a lot with self-loathing.

I have not been able to internalise nice things people say about me. I think it takes a lot of practice. So I've got good at paying myself compliments

...about the things that matter! I think I've tended to be praised for things that aren't relevant to my values system - things that don't really affect how I feel about myself.

I prefer to be told things frankly I can enjoy very critical feedback, unless it is said deliberately to wound, but if someone pads it for the sake of softening the blow it makes me cringe.

Personally I believe that the ability to simply and kindly state the unadorned truth conveys self-assurance.

By trying to minimise leakage and finding external validation?