Aggression with my 20 year old Autistic son

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I wanted to share something personal so there’s some understanding. My 20-year-old is on the spectrum and struggles with aggression when he becomes frustrated. I’m doing everything I can to support him, but it has been emotionally draining and isolating at times. I’m trying my best and appreciate patience, understanding, and support as we navigate this.

Sounds to me like more than just autism. Has he seen a psychiatrist?

That is very common among younger autistic people towards parents. Maybe you could talk about this with him when he's in a relaxed mood and say that you want to help him to find a better strategy. What makes him frustrated? What can you do to help him in these situations to make him less frustrated? Maybe he could walk away from the situation when he gets frustrated and be left alone until he is in a calmer mood? Or maybe he wants you to walk away and leave him alone until he makes contact with you? Maybe he's frustrated when he's pressured to do things he simply can't do or when he's put in a stressful enviroment? Bottom line is that I think he gets aggressive because he doesn't know any better way to stop the feeling of frustration.

Often anger and frustration are a result of a conflict between reality and expectations. A solution is to manage expectations such that they more closely align with reality.

Have either you or he tried a martial arts class? I say this not knowing your son's level of executive function.

My kid has ADHD and is very large. Before he was properly medicated he was pretty rough with his dad and I. We have had him in a defensive martial arts class for many years. The class has lots of people in varying levels of the neurodivergent spectrum, if you want to call it that. Autism, ADHD, and other different people. I think most martial arts classes these days are like that.

We have seen a definitive, steady climb of his ability to control himself and be respectful. He also knows how to put someone in a safe, non-harmful hold if they come at him. This is why I think it could be helpful for you, too.

AutismMom_79 started the thread and made her first and only post in it 8th january and hasn't visited WP since 9th January. Maybe the thread could be locked or something?