Having twins with someone scared

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I'm about to have twins I am scared and realize I do not Handle this stress of her almost dying on me well I responded with toxicity... she said awful things in panic and I said unforgivable things.... she said sorry and i.did it 2 more times... she is weak with babies that are a borderline risk to both parties... she is fragile I am seeking therapy this isn't healthy of me to be like this to her... she still has to work with twins and I feel bad but living in an affordable and still can't afford it working an I.T job with a bachelor's now in that field and a gas station side hustle... she deserves better but I don't know how to say sorry or prove to her that I am able to be a good guy to her... this is a woman I did a love lock abroad in South america with for christ sake. I still have the key. She is a good Christian woman if I am unable to be a good partner to her what am I to what can I do to not be so "scary and say wild crazy Loco things out of panick".

I am about to also do a program designed to help autistic my mom and aunt L bought for me... I may pay the additional 20$ for the staying calm in crisis (or something like that) course. Would you suggest it and outside of that I need advice if you have any I need help sje worries if they will be autistic too I don't care along as it's aspergers I won't panic you know.. also considering shroom or other therapy my folks would pay for it if im serious not in full but largely help... idk I need help badly

What are you saying? All I could understand from your post was that your girlfriend is pregnant with twins and it has scared the bedickens out of you. Which is understandable.

Is she in the same country as you? Do you both have good family support? You will need either her family or yours to physically come in and help with things like feeding and cleaning the babies for awhile so you guys can get rest, etc.

We have several sets of twins in my family. I was relieved when I just had one!

DO NOT BE HARD ON YOURSELF. SHE CHOSE YOU!

YOU ARE HER DREAM GUY AND NO MATTER HOW RICH OR POOR OR HOW INADEQUATE YOU FEEL SHE CHOSE YOU BECAUSE SHE REALLY LOVES YOU!

One can and does go through trials in life. Trials test but also trials remind you that you two are still deep in love. (I know you really love her because of the things you have written. Stay with her because she really deeply is in love with you too!)

Trials come and go in life but one thing that is rare is finding someone who loves you and who you love too, and with that, all other little issues can be overcome, as real deep love conquers all!