I have to 'validate' everyone's experience

Post Reply New Topic

I got a warning for not validating someone else's experience as aromantic? (It's a space for those with level 2 / 3 autism).

I don't understand why its wrong for me to imply (because I never said it) that faking an attraction is not something i would ever do because I think its, blergh to me? Like, why would I ever do that? It's ridiculous.

I know some people are sensitive, but really?

(Does anyone have thoughts on this?)

thoughts on this;

autism tends to be a 'little' forgetful in 'validating', though that word is problematic
autistics (i'd say for myself) would be not reciprocating as expected, that is an area that is mendable by selftraining, eg as in mindfulness - not concentrating on how to feel but what to do (next)

validating is problematic as it tends to keep demanding, and actually doesn't do anything but create dependencies,
and pulls on the narcissistic tendencies

Was the warning here, or else where?

somewhere else

It seems out of line.

Is someone claiming that you feigned attraction to them?

I don't think disputing that claim (regardless of it's veracity) amounts to 'not validating someone else's experience', since that claim might very well be invalidating your own experience, which would of course entitle you to dispute it.

No. Someone had posed a question for aromantics: have you ever faked an (romantic) attraction for someone, and my response was, no why would I ever do that?

Which devolved into dog piling of how I should use tone tags because I sound mean and 'acting superior' - which I was fine with, because the idea of feigning attraction to someone is ridiculous to me, but after a day or so I was essentially written up by the mods or owner and told that, even if I don't mean it, I had to validate everyone's experience since the group was a 'safe space' - they also tried to explain my own words back to me like, we know you didn't mean to sound like that or feel that way.

It feels like I've found my way to another echo chamber.

Ugh, that's really frustrating. Thanks for explaining the situation better.

Your response sounds reasonable, and as much as someone could assume you're being snarky, that's their judgment, not their experience.

It's nice to have a forum where people don't try to demand tone tags. Personally, I only really use tone tags ironically.