Feeling like everyone is more "grown up" than me

Post Reply New Topic

I still can't help feeling sometimes that I'm the only one thinking I haven't changed much since adulthood started when people were still college, going to uni, starting work etc and now some are married with kids and seeing someone the same age as me married and so on makes me feel like they are more "grown up" than me because I still live with a parent because of where I work despite my parents being divorced and still single etc but I drive a car, pay rent, tidy and clean and so on but it still feels "not enough".

I say to myself in my head why have these thoughts then when I still choose not to move out? I'm tired of the conflict between two things telling me what I "should" do because of what I perceive society expects and telling me what I "truly want" to do.

I don't know why, but music can sometimes put things I can't control into some type of context



Yes, people change around me. Come into my life (often in the same boat) and go (never to be seen again) as they grow and often prosper. It might seem like you aren't growing as a person but you are. we all do.

If it makes you feel any better, you sound way more like an adult than I do, and I'm married. But I can't work/pay bills or drive, which feels like the most adult things you can do other than... I dunno, sort mail and vote, lol.

Do you get worried others might not see you as an adult?

If it makes you feel any better, I feel that way pretty much at all times. I've been calling it "Impostor Syndrome" as that's as close to how I feel as I've found. For some reason I pretty much always feel like a total fraud, a kid masquerading as an adult among adults... along with the anxiety that I'll slip and be 'discovered' as the fraud I am. I realize intellectually that this isn't likely; everyone *seems* like they have their collective act together, and I know just how much I *don't,* but that knowledge does little (read: nothing) to change those feelings. I'm 72 now, and I've felt that way since my age was in the single digits, so it seems unlikely that this is going to change.

I seem to be 'frozen' mentally at a point somewhere in my early teens; the maturity that typically comes with age has yet to arrive, and the only substantive changes are age-related general decripitude and memory issues. What change there *has* been has been the direct result of my work in recovery (alcoholism.) STILL don't feel anything like a 'grown-up.'

Outwardly, I'm doing well enough; held down a good-paying job for nearly 3 decades, in a specialized technical field tailor-made for an Aspie: working alone in a one-ton van, driving all over New England from one customer to the next, with my boss back in the office, out of sight and out of mind. Dealing primarily with machines and their problems rather than people and *their* problems (and my problems dealing with them.) Been married to the same woman for 53 years, so obviously something's working, can drive without issues (beyond diminished night vision, so I don't drive at night unless it's an emergency.)

Well, probably. But I mean no body has said anything to me like when are you getting married?, when are you having kids? I remember my dad a year on my birthday about knuckling down about finding a partner. That was an exception. But for some reason I look at others in my family who have husbands, wives, kids, boyfriends, girlfriends etc whenever I'm around them and still feel "behind" around them. I know it's ridiculous because I'm still a fully grown adult even if I'm not like them.

welcome to the club. I'm also married with a kid but also get treated like this. I'm not even privy to my parents will.

I came across a site which lists seven reasons why adults don't act like adults.
1. Still living with parents - yes I do
2. Don't have kids - no I don't
3. Not married - no I don't
4. Don't have a retirement plan - no I don't
5. Don't get to decorate my space - yes I do
6. Don't have life insurance - no I don't
7. Still enjoying going out - yes sometimes

I am still young (20s) but several of my peers are married, some have kids, finished with college and moved out of their parents because of work.

Culturally, moving out of your parents home isn't that pressing since even if you do, usually you're right next door or if you're successful, you move them in with you.

I am far behind my peers and I likely will never catch up because of my disabilities - I can't seem to mentally grow up.