Men/masculinity as a point of interest make me sexist?

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Lost_dragon
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17 Feb 2026, 5:55 pm

Tamaya wrote:

I think what Lost Dragon meant by

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What? No. Of course not. What social circles are y'all hanging out in?

...was a rhetorical question.

Yeah, I had intended it that way. However, Face of Boo brought up an interesting point. Different types of social groups hold different expectations.

The OP brought up getting weird looks from her female peers when she "got too comfortable talking about men". I wonder if this is a common experience or social expectation, that you're expected to express interest in men in a certain way and that other ways are taboo. Of course, every group is different, I just wonder. I think with purity culture and gender expectations, it may mean that more overt interest might be looked down upon in some circles.

Granted, I'm the wrong woman to be talking about this. I'm curious to know others experiences though if people want to talk about that subject.

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MellowSnake
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17 Feb 2026, 7:46 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:

However, if people know I'm a lesbian and they hear that I don't have a girlfriend, then the response becomes 'well maybe having a girlfriend would encourage you to improve yourself and get your life together', which is rude. Bold of you to assume I require a partner for that.

I mean, my life is a mess, but why the switch up? I find that interesting.

Its because a lot of people still hold this mentality that a man can solve all your problems but its considered more progressive since the man in question is actually a woman. They haven't really unlearned anything, just shifted the target.

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Tamaya
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17 Feb 2026, 7:48 pm

I can't really resonate with this thread, as no matter how much I talk about men in whichever way, people always put it down to a heterosexual female being a heterosexual female, which is what I am. I talk about women too, just never in a sexual way. And I don't always talk about every man in a sexual way. Most men I do not fancy at all.

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JumpinJim
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18 Feb 2026, 6:54 pm

The OP has a more masculine mindset, IMO. I don't have a problem with that, but it is unusual.

RetroGamer87
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20 Feb 2026, 5:28 pm

deadregen7 wrote:

I’m a woman and I like to draw. I almost always draw people, and I mostly draw men because one : I’m attracted to them, and two : I just like drawing them more. I sometimes make my male subjects wear skimpy stuff or I downright exaggerate their masculinity. I ask myself if what I’m doing is sexist—and I know even if it was sexist it still wouldn’t have the same impact as institutionalized sexism.

I don’t know how to feel about myself because I also get weird looks from female peers when I get too comfortable talking about men, I think it makes them think I’m not on there side or something when in reality I too expose and resent the bad things men do and are capable of, like locker room talk. Yuck.

It's okay to feel attracted to the type of people you feel attracted to.

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deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 9:22 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It is not sexist.

Actually I wish there were more like you.

But it is actually rare and unusual to talk about the male beauty so positively - that’s why your female friends are not relating; the internet (social media and forums) is filled with anti-masculine features hate, a lot of women and men believe men are an ugly gender - while most women are by far more physically aesthetic (The ancient Greeks would disagree).
It is a very common belief that gained so much traction not long ago.

Unfortunately you're correct. I've been in more than enough physical and digital social spaces where that belief is more than true. What I've observed and read is that the currently admired masculinity is one that is delicate, androgynous, and somewhat docile; ideologically, this makes sense because I can relate with the notion of the bigger mean being mean, narcissistic, and loudmouthed. It doesn't apply to every huge guy, but it does to a great number it's nearly impossible to not consider it merely a "notion".

Besides, the internet is predominantly used by people in my age group ( 19-23 ). It also makes sense uber masculinity isn't desired.

But let me tell you something : even though slender men are "in", "dad bod" men are catching up. The best part? Women call thick muscle bodies "dad bods". They're not pursuing all fat here, they're pursuing the bestest most perfect blend of muscle and fat, but still a higher percentage of muscle. Honestly, think all muscle, just a teensy bit of fat on the hips, tummy, and pecs---real similar to what I enjoy.

Make that make sense! I'm not crazy! I swear there'll be one-million women like me in the future, unless this "dad-bod" thing's five-year lifespan ends up being a now thing than a then thing.

deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 9:40 pm

MaxE wrote:

There's another thread in this forum in which I said among other things that autistics objectivize their romantic partners to a degree thought inappropriate by the general population, and this applies to both men and women. It doesn't seem odd to me that you would enjoy making pictures that celebrate male attractiveness including their bodies. In manga one sees a great deal of idealized depictions of both male and female physique, and I don't think saying that autistics are more likely to be manga fans than the average person is out of line.

If your peers react strangely when you talk about men in this way, then probably either a.) they are also autistic and feel threatened by an open expression of admiration for men based on their physical appearance or b.) they are NT and feel threatened by an autistic woman talking about men that way. Some NT women probably see autistic women as a threat and I am certain there are men who fetishize autistic women as well as women who believe that to be the case i.e. they don't like the idea that their partner would leave them for an autistic woman with whom they could have a less stressful relationship (which would probably lead to a big disappointment if they actually tried that).

Interesting... I had some knowledge about the autism fetishization but I wouldn't think it'd be correlated with the idea of being in a relationship with an autistic individual to be perceived as "low-maintenance". Irrelevant, but I learned something new. Also, I'm sure it's accepted that the flattened, outsider's view of the farthest side of the autism spectrum, constitutes a hands-on caretaking and babying kind of relationship; this includes the acknowledgement of haphazard communication, engagement, and understanding of the other person. I'm sure this flanderized dynamic is disappointing, but it's just outweighed by the desire to manipulate autistic individuals. Seriously, some would rather pop blood vessels cooing at their "weird and freaky and nerdy" partners if it meant feeling powerful.

Anyway, back to the actual topic.

Your first paragraph strongly resonates with me. I've always kind of felt like a pervert even though I don't intend to be sometimes, and my art has been---for the most part---met with allegations of it being "fetish" art, especially in recent times where people my age are just now starting to learn the definitions of kink, fetish, and sexual deviancy. I don't feel as strange about my little "androphilic interest".

deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 10:19 pm

MellowSnake wrote:

Its very common that women don't think of men outside of a caricature or implicit bias which often says men can't be pretty or that as a woman, they are forced to like men. And a more popular sentiment is to hate men all together and to shame anyone who is attracted to men, who are men, and those who have a more aesthetic allure for men.

You're right.

However, that popular sentiment is reasonable as hell. Let me tell you. I used to be strongly against the "hate all men" thing until I started conducting a blend of formal and informal research, and after having a few things happen to me throughout my life my awareness of that sentiment's power, control, and history has heightened, so to that I say "not all men but always a man". Do I think it should be used to justify double-standards, the disproportionate mistrust of men, the constant "you're a 'pick me' if you like men" rhetoric? Of course not.

Now, what makes this sentiment sort of unsound is that female perpetrators of abuse, harassment, and offense against the male sex are held with the littlest regard; female offenders are jokes, "sexy", and seen as receivers of male power even though they were the exploiters.

All in all, women are not at all empowered, treated justly, or protected by the patriarchy, hence it should be entirely indispensable, eyes open on the threatening of feminine identity, female being, by it---the patriarchy.

Too should be noted that if women feel "forced" to like men, it's because of culture and, well, the patriarchy ( holy redundancy... ). I'm glad my fondness for men was conceived independently from those everlasting ideologies.

Anyhow, thanks for your insight.

deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 11:02 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:

Tamaya wrote:

Is it sexist to not be bi?

What? No. Of course not. What social circles are y'all hanging out in?

You can't choose who you're attracted to.

-

I usually draw women but I do have a male character, so I am trying to learn how to draw men. I've been researching men's fashion, popular haircuts and different body types because I want to draw a variety of different people. Admittedly, they've turned out rather androgynous so far but I'm working on it. Unless I just roll with that and have an androgynous looking male character I suppose.

OP, I think what you're doing is fine. Although if you do have any advice on drawing men, please send help. :lol:

That's great! I'm the total opposite, I can't draw a woman for anything. I'm not against androgynous characters, it's all up to you. I have a few androgynous male characters but most of them tend to fall between the "sexy, hypermasculine look" I like and the standard, not as exaggerated "masculine" look. It's good to have some variety, I think.

I have some shallow bits of advice, like go "man watching"---or "people watching" for that matter. Find some average faces and build on from there. For bodies I recommend looking at queer male spaces as those offer the most body diversity out there, but "people watching" should do.

MellowSnake wrote:

Lost_dragon wrote:

Yeah. I don't like those jokes about 'unfortunately liking men' that I've seen online. Especially if that person has a boyfriend, that seems rather unfair to him. Personally, I think they're on the same level as though haha I hate my wife jokes.

I agree with this; I also think they're like the wife-hating boomer jokes. They're also just flat out insensitive. Think about some of your fathers! My first semester college roommate had such a lovely father who was victim to some irreverent remarks about him being "awful for pulling his wife out of her master's program". The woman had a choice, and she chose love. Does he deserve the blame? He was a father of many principles and lots of kindness for the world, he was also soft-spoken. I asked myself, why? Many would envy a father like that.

Last edited by deadregen7 on 20 Feb 2026, 11:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 11:03 pm

Carbonhalo wrote:

deadregen7 wrote:

Does this make me sexist?

Hah!
In my book that makes you horny.

I mean... you're not wrong. Who isn't?

deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 11:09 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:

Tamaya wrote:

I think what Lost Dragon meant by

Quote:

What? No. Of course not. What social circles are y'all hanging out in?

...was a rhetorical question.

There definitely is a social expectation that's reared by groups. I'm a Mexican-American female whose ( main and most lived in ) female friend groups have been comprised of similar Latin American backgrounds. Trust me when I say the Latin American ( in my case, Mexican-American and Mexican ) worlds of attraction are alien to the White-American one.

deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 11:13 pm

Tamaya wrote:

Relatable.

I love men and I love exaggerating their masculinity but I feel bad if I sexualize them too much. That still doesn't make me a puritan and immune to arousal and excitement, though. We're on the same boat.

deadregen7
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20 Feb 2026, 11:19 pm

JumpinJim wrote:

The OP has a more masculine mindset, IMO. I don't have a problem with that, but it is unusual.

You're not the first person to say this. On other sites I've been confused for a queer man and I've even been told I'm "lying" when I tell them I'm a woman; it isn't until they see pictures of me that they start saying "oh".

I don't know why my brain is geared to the bodies and faces of men and why their relationships and "brotherhood" culture is appealing to me. I'm sure it must be because I'm an outsider attracted to the subject, interested in the way it functions and extends itself in the grand scheme of things, how it makes itself present with a few words and physical differences to mine and my own sex's. I was a huge Mario Bros fan; my first crush was Bowser. I would always draw pictures of Bowser and Peach together, maybe I saw myself as Peach. Honestly, who knows.

All I know is that I can't deny this is more than just "heterosexuality"; I am emotionally, physically, and intellectually attracted to masculinity I'd say.

CockneyRebel
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22 Feb 2026, 8:44 am

I don't think it makes you sexist at all. I wish there were more women like you.

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