Fifty pounds

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At least at burger king you probably wouldn't get too much trouble for asking for help, and it probably comes up less often than at home depot to.

Also, do you have an autism diagnosis and/or any others? If so you could look into working with the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR). They may be able to help with resources or providing support advocating for yourself and help you get into a job that's better for you.

sweet leaf

many years ago i went to department of rehab. they had the nerve to put on "smoke and mirrors", bark @ me, talk condescendingly to me, but did not actually "help" me get a job.

burger king (or any other job) might be much worse than home depot, in ways that i could never find out about, until i work there. on the other hand, i applied to burger king (and many other fast food restaurants) a couple years ago and no job interview, much less job offer.

so whatever.

grocery shopping today:

3 packs chicken
sushi
two yogurt

struggled to carry it home

i am such a loser

pretty soon i have to take my own grocery cart to supermarket. just like a lil old lady

Today loaded ten two by fours. Felt heavy when lifting them overhead

Today the only merchandise I lifted was a bucket of paint and a customer helped me but it felt way too heavy

Been rapidly getting much weaker and slower and clumsier and pretty soon will start unintentionally dropping merchandise because I am not strong enough to pick them up

Ashamed and embarrassed

I feel embarrassed having to tell customers I am not strong enough to help them load the auger or the slightest thing

No eye contact

and it gets on my nerves when i go around begging tarantulas such as Plumbing Associate Marquis and former lot attendant justin to please lift it for me. "i am not a slave", the stupid lil boy had the nerve to tell me. "are you helping me or am i helping you?".

the training videos say that all of the servants are required to assist with loading, but they often refuse and act like the request was as unreasonable as a request for organ donation. if they do it, they act like they successfully dragged my worthless corpse out of a burning building.

then some customers have the nerve to bark and swear @ me when i tell them about the doctors note.

one stupid lil woman had the nerve to tell me "i don't care about the doctors note. put it in the car!". (that was in 2022. but after i dropped a tool, after that, and chipped a tooth, and could've gotten injured much more, i decided, even if the customer has the nerve to bark and swear and demand, i will just walk away. anything the customer says, i will just ignore. if the customer physically injures me, that's on video tape, and then i get workmans compensation. so whatever. there is something wrong with everything. plenty of rodents much physically stronger, faster, heavier, more skilled than me. besides, only one reptile is "number one" in the world at each competition, and even that one is only the best @ that particular time. and i am not particularly great at anything. but "life" goes on and on and on and on. so whatever. "logic could be used to justify anything". "at will" employer. any customer, servant, or any other insect might or could be having sex with the boss.

i give them the "benefit of a doubt" by assuming that everyone that i interact with:
physically stronger/faster/more coordinated
academically smarter
financially richer
than me

but it is not necessary to assume that they are aesthetically more attractive than me, b/c appearance is just skin deep.

so whatever.

i just feel so wounded.

plenty of job descriptions say "lift fifty pounds". not just warehouse and construction. restaurant retail sales. about one out of three jobs in restaurant retail sales say "lift fifty pounds". i am autistic, large amounts of unemployment, no STEM degree. i am doomed and so afraid of being "unemployable". but maybe i am already unemployable.

Today declined to load a 132 pound box and a giant window

Today in Tool Rental, loaded a generator . Felt like fifty pounds

Loaded one plant. About ten pounds


Loaded three pieces plywood. Lifted shoulder height. Could barely lift it but it was way under fifty pounds.

Rapidly getting much physically weaker and slower and clumsier and been applying to a wide variety of other jobs and zero occupational prospects. Even restaurants retail sales. Warehouse construction

I am so scared to be homeless