Frustration over always being single :(

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For over two decades, I have lived my life with exactly one primary goal, one primary focus, and one primary interest: finding a serious, long-distance romantic relationship. I am 39 years old, and I have never been in a relationship. I have never received romantic attention, and I have never known what it feels like to have a woman love me back.

Many people treat dating as a secondary aspect of their lives—something they do on the weekends between their careers, their sports, their movies, or their travels. But for me, the search itself is my life. Writing about my desire for a girlfriend isn’t just a casual pastime; it is my full-time pursuit. I do not care about reading what other people write. I do not have a traditional career, and I have absolutely no interest in popular hobbies like exploring coffee shops, watching movies, or following sports. My mind is entirely occupied by one single subject, and I don't see why I should have to pretend otherwise.

What fills me with such intense sadness and confusion is the absolute standstill I have faced for the last twenty years, culminating in a year of total, deafening silence online. I take care of my hygiene, my looks, and my health. I am not asking for a woman to jump into an immediate commitment the second she messages me; I am genuinely willing to ask her about her day, listen to her life, and learn who she is. I am completely open to a long-distance connection where we build comfort over text first.

Yet, whenever I am honest about my life and my goals, the responses stop. On dating apps, I get zero matches. On websites like Reddit and Facebook, my writing gets heavily criticized by women before I am inevitably banned by moderators who flag my honesty as spam. I am constantly told by strangers online that I "need a hobby" or that I need to "expand my interests." But writing about my desire for love is my hobby. Why should I have to invent fake interests or talk about things I don't care about just to get a basic response?

It feels deeply unfair to put an incredible amount of focus, dedication, and raw emotional energy into one single life goal for over twenty years, only to be met with total isolation. I want to learn everything about a future partner, and I am willing to tell her everything about me. I just want the digital void to stop, and for one woman to look past the screens, see my dedication, and finally want to build a serious, long-distance bond with me.

Well...whatever you are doing doesn't seem to be working.

I abandoned looking for a girlfriend when I was 40...I figured any children would come too late for me to be sure I could properly care for them. I socialized with the sole interest in meeting a few nice people and sharing my time with them.

Not long after that I stumbled into a relationship (all I was looking for was a friendship!) with the gal I married. We've been married for 26 years now!! And no children...and I'm OK with that.

My suggestion would be to stop putting all your effort into catching a gal. Why would one be interested in a guy who's sole interest is catching a gal?! She couldn't be sure what you would be like after you satisfied your one and only life's goal, catching her. What comes next??

Welp, all I can say is that is still my only goal. I would love to hear from someone else like me who is still looking

Unfortunately, the cruel reality is that people whose sole or primary goal is a romantic relationship (long-distance or otherwise) have thereby made themselves unlikely to find one. For the sake of that very goal, itself, you need to have other goals and interests in life.

Mona is 100% correct!! !

I have made getting married my primary life goal at the expense of everything else but that stops now!! !! !!

Without David I don't really desire to restart the dating process or reach marriage so it is time to move on to other things...

I'm sorry you are feeling so frustrated.
Sometimes by being too singularly focused, we miss the good things that do enter our life, or don't appreciate them as much. My advice to you, you can take it or leave it, is to take time to enjoy the small things in life around you. Goals are fine and dandy, but the way I see it, life happens while we work towards goals and that's where fun things happen.

I didn't have a lot of goals when I was younger, because I was aware of so much uncertainty of life, but I also could never have predicted what I would end up doing or where I would end up today. Even though it wouldn't have been a crazy prediction, I just couldn't have guessed it! lol

Sometimes the things we think we want are not going to happen the way we imagine they will. So that's why a lot of times, when people stop searching they might actually find what they are looking for. Even though I know that sounds so cheesy!

Sometimes the things we think we want might even get in the way of something that could be really good for us.