Is it easy to control than out of your control with dating?

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I sometimes feel as though for other people now in relationships, it was "easy" when they found each other even though I clearly don't know other people's circumstances.

I feel bad at myself because I didn't spend a lot of time frequenting places like bars in the hope of meeting someone new as though that's where "everyone meets someone" and that's why it seems like everyone is in a relationship, despite knowing that is ridiculous because meet people in different places.

It's as though I feel bad for enjoying doing other things in my own time rather than prioritising finding a date. Its as though I'm not interested but a part of me does still would like a friendship or relationship with someone at some point but I get sick of these thoughts as they are telling me to rush it because I spent too long being single.

To be fair I have spent a ton of time at clubs and bars and places like that. Still nothing even close to a relationship for me despite about twenty years of trying. I am still trying though

I guess my point is I don't think it is ever easy for neurodivergent people no matter what environments they are in. And trust me a good relationship never arrives too early or too soon, it only arrives on time.

I do not know of anyone in my family meeting their long-term relationship partners at bars or clubs. A lot of them met their partners by random chance while doing various things. Going to school together, sitting next to each other on a plane while traveling for buisness trips, shopping at the same store at the same time, talking to each other at a festival after they had both moved out of state, & my parents were set up by a mutual friend while they were in college.

A problem lots of us Aspies have is that we tend to be homebodies & our social skills are not great when first meeting random people. This is def the case with me. I think it's better for people with social issues like us to focus on environments that are more suited for us; like perhaps our hobbies/interests or support type groups. I first met the three girlfriends I've had on online forums.; first was a common interest & the other two were this one. I tried LOTS of dating sites as well as being more outgoing & social but I never gotten so much as a single date that way. I never tried bars/clubs but I imagine that would be one of the worst places for me to try. It's better to know our niches so too speak.

Not for guys like us. Dating sites are the answer. But don't choose the wrong dating site (especially not eHarmony, those guys suck)