Is it easy to control than out of your control with dating?

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I sometimes feel as though for other people now in relationships, it was "easy" when they found each other even though I clearly don't know other people's circumstances.

I feel bad at myself because I didn't spend a lot of time frequenting places like bars in the hope of meeting someone new as though that's where "everyone meets someone" and that's why it seems like everyone is in a relationship, despite knowing that is ridiculous because meet people in different places.

It's as though I feel bad for enjoying doing other things in my own time rather than prioritising finding a date. Its as though I'm not interested but a part of me does still would like a friendship or relationship with someone at some point but I get sick of these thoughts as they are telling me to rush it because I spent too long being single.

To be fair I have spent a ton of time at clubs and bars and places like that. Still nothing even close to a relationship for me despite about twenty years of trying. I am still trying though

I guess my point is I don't think it is ever easy for neurodivergent people no matter what environments they are in. And trust me a good relationship never arrives too early or too soon, it only arrives on time.

I do not know of anyone in my family meeting their long-term relationship partners at bars or clubs. A lot of them met their partners by random chance while doing various things. Going to school together, sitting next to each other on a plane while traveling for buisness trips, shopping at the same store at the same time, talking to each other at a festival after they had both moved out of state, & my parents were set up by a mutual friend while they were in college.

A problem lots of us Aspies have is that we tend to be homebodies & our social skills are not great when first meeting random people. This is def the case with me. I think it's better for people with social issues like us to focus on environments that are more suited for us; like perhaps our hobbies/interests or support type groups. I first met the three girlfriends I've had on online forums.; first was a common interest & the other two were this one. I tried LOTS of dating sites as well as being more outgoing & social but I never gotten so much as a single date that way. I never tried bars/clubs but I imagine that would be one of the worst places for me to try. It's better to know our niches so too speak.

I met my ex in a crowded bar.
We crawled under a pool table and yelled for 10 minutes and we're back at mine and in bed in 30.
That lasted 37 years.
I've been on dating apps for a year to get a solitary ongoing conversation.

I wish the old way still worked.

I met my husband on the bus. If I fancy a man I don't find it hard to chat them up at all.

I tried dating sites when I was single but I just couldn't get on with them.

Women are more likely to be fussy, sorry to say, and male autism can be unappealing in romantic relationships, especially the flat-effect types and constant hand-flapping and explosive meltdowns. I find NT men so much easier, though I do know a guy at work who thinks he might be on the spectrum, but he's fun, goofy, social, popular, and just doesn't display the stereotypical nerdy autistic behaviours. I don't know what he's like at home but according to his lifestyle he seems pretty functioning and busy (he has kids and a wife).