Dating supposed to be easier today why are there more single

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BrianWV38
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Today, 2:21 pm

I am just looking for a relationship. I am not sure why you do not understand that. I am looking for a romantic relationship with someone who can accept, that the only goal in my life is a romantic relationship. If a person does not like me because of that, that is totally fine.

The only salvation I will ever receive in this life or the next is the love of a lover. I expect nor desire anything else.



funeralxempire
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Today, 2:34 pm

BrianWV38 wrote:
I am just looking for a relationship. I am not sure why you do not understand that. I am looking for a romantic relationship with someone who can accept, that the only goal in my life is a romantic relationship. If a person does not like me because of that, that is totally fine.

The only salvation I will ever receive in this life or the next is the love of a lover. I expect nor desire anything else.


Why do you insist that goal isn't understood?

Your goal is understood, that's why you've received advice intended on making that goal more readily achievable.

You respond with hostility to any advice that will make that goal more achievable, as though anything that makes that goal more achievable is somehow a distraction.

Ironically, much of the advice is just as applicable to maintaining a relationship as it is to forming a relationship, which makes your rejection of it read like I don't want to do what's required to participate in a relationship, I just want to be able to claim I'm in a relationship.

Basically, it comes off like you view being in a relationship as an achievement to check off your list, rather than an ongoing partnership with another person that requires constant work.


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BrianWV38
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Today, 2:38 pm

Oh well, I am glad my goal is understood :)

I guess I need to be firmer about it. I only want love under the condition that the other person is ok alright understanding that for me being in a romantic relationship is the most important thing in the world and the only thing I care about.

I am sorry to be so blunt. I realize that will eliminate a great deal of potential partners. Maybe all of them, who is to say, but that is the only sort of love I am interested in.

And really that is the only subject I am interested in talking about.



BrianWV38
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Today, 2:39 pm

To be fair I demand nothing from the other person than them having a desire to spend time with me.

I seek nothing else.



funeralxempire
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Today, 2:47 pm

BrianWV38 wrote:
I only want love under the condition that the other person is ok alright understanding that for me being in a romantic relationship is the most important thing in the world and the only thing I care about.


Part of the reason why this approach represents such a red flag is because it makes a considerate potential partner worry about how you might react if the relationship doesn't work out. It makes them likely to worry about how you will personally take it, as well as possibly making them worry about if you will take those feelings out on them.

Beyond that, this thread also provides a microcosm into some of your struggles. You're very insistent on being understood, but you don't seem to care about understanding the feedback in the slightest. If one can't reciprocate even in a conversation, how can they possibly reciprocate in a relationship?

If one wishes to participate in a relationship, one needs to possess and develop the tools required to be a participant in a relationship.


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If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


BrianWV38
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33 minutes ago

I get what you are saying.

The problem with using terms like 'red flags' is that what one person sees as a negative another person may see as a positive and vice-versa.

I see things like ambition, hobbies, and goals as negatives. I get that I am in the minority on this issue; but you do see my point. Just because you like something does not mean that everybody likes something.

I get it, I am a bit different :)

Just trying to find someone like me :)



funeralxempire
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9 minutes ago

BrianWV38 wrote:
I get what you are saying.

The problem with using terms like 'red flags' is that what one person sees as a negative another person may see as a positive and vice-versa.

I see things like ambition, hobbies, and goals as negatives. I get that I am in the minority on this issue; but you do see my point. Just because you like something does not mean that everybody likes something.

I get it, I am a bit different :)

Just trying to find someone like me :)


The problem is, not everything is a mere preference.

No one would label preferring one flavour of ice cream over another as a red flag, because that's merely a preference.

Most reasonable people would recognize something like totally reinventing one's self to suit another's preferences as a red flag because it demonstrates a lack of self-identity.

All I care about is being in a romantic relationship is a red flag because it's admitting one doesn't have standards or expectations, and in this case seems like it's largely motivated by having little to offer to any potential partner.

Trying to frame it as a preference rather than as something that will send most people running to the hills won't change how most people respond to it. It sure seems like you're hoping for someone who will see you through rose-coloured glasses and therefore will only see the red flags as flags and what you have to offer them is offering to do the same.

You're holding out hope both of finding that imaginary person that only seems to exist in your imagination, and for their real life equivalent to have romantic interests rather than predatory interests.

It comes off as though what you want isn't actually a person (with everything that comes with being a person), it's an accessory and no one is willing to reduce themselves to being an accessory for no benefit to themselves.


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There's no such thing as a free market.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


MakaylaTheAspie
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less than a minute ago

^ I'll also add as someone who was treated like an accessory, the honeymoon phase of a relationship doesn't last long. I grew to resent the person who treated me like this.

I would also argue that this:

Quote:
I see things like ambition, hobbies, and goals as negatives. I get that I am in the minority on this issue; but you do see my point. Just because you like something does not mean that everybody likes something.


Is also a red flag. Do you just want someone with no personality? This reads "I want an accessory" to me.


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