chocolate

Post Reply New Topic

It's harder to restrict intake in the winter than in the summer, all things equal, because:

Fewer daylight hours , rain

Eating makes me warmer

More fruit in season in the summer

______________

On the other hand maybe it's not the end of the world WHEN (not "if") I get grotesquely fat, because I am already 42 and my "life" is now behind me, not in front of me

yesterday and today, felt sick. the zongzi tasted a lot more greasy than usual.

not going to eat zongzi regularly anymore. too much fat.

but tastes really really delicious.

Today unintentionally ate the sugar added metamucil instead of the sugar free one

Additional 32 Grams of sugar at 5am

Surprised I was not exhausted all day long

But whatever. When I was 33, used to eat two clif bars and a candy bar every day. Over 60 grams of sugar.

It was failure to pay attention, and reading comprehension. Not an emotional flaw.

But still.

As a result, today, ended up eating (13 extra servings) instead of the usual 9 or 11 extra servings. But whatever. 42 already really old.

Should have read the labels before buying

My bad

Wasted $30 and emotional turmoil

today, nothing bad or eventful happened. got enough sleep. no work. but still when i started lunch, felt like could not stop. kept eating until only had (four servings) left for dinner.

ashamed embarrassed timid shy wounded scared frightened terrified exhausted confused hateful edgy misunderstood frustrated angry incompetent inferior

today, nothing good or bad happened. and that is an extremely good thing, in and of itself.

nobody hacked my bank account.
zero symptoms.
zero physical pain. nothing like that.
phone, computer, sinks, dryer, etc working.
still not made redundant

slept great

litteroxing good enough
nobody bothered me today

anxiety gone haywire

constantly wanna gorge

"hunger" and satiety signals crossed wired

exhausted all the time

nothing to do all day long

tired and bored of everyone and everything, especially myself

brainfog

breakfast

two servings pita bread, four packs metamucil
one serving soy milk
two yogurt
four tofu

___________________________________________

lunch

ate the rice and avocado (only) off 12 pieces sushi
four servings wheat pita
three frozen bananas

________________________________________

dinner

one serving wheat pita bread
two pieces chicken
three servings broccoli/carrots
one serving cheddar
one serving jalepino
three frozen bananas

did not feel hungry before dinner. but kind of hungry and bored.

in my defense, no chocolate/candy today. only 12 servings bread (the usual).

dread work tomorrow.

head cashier angela d and juan m

stupid lil girl and boy

past couple weeks, been eating an extra of two servings during breakfast, and sometimes during lunch too.

dinner tends to be original size.

according to scale, no weigh gain thus far.

paranoid of getting much fatter. but whatever. 42 already really old, for an autistic transsexual.

"life" goes on until it stops. numerous times in my "life", i thought i was dying pretty soon, but i am still alive.

so whatever.

yesterday found and ate a calzone @ the bus stop.

penne pasta and chicken

delicious

threw away the crust part. throat felt too greasy

paranoid of menstruation

feel so pathetic eating garbage like a wild animal

ashamed and embarrassed

Food Maxx, and vending machine and garbage on the ground

That's all I am allowed to eat until further notice

Although "garbage" could be anything

I don't go dumpster diving or look for garbage but if I see it I might eat it

Anxiety

Nervous disposition

security
safety
comfort food
comfort zone

every day dread getting hit by car, raped, hacked/scammed, made redundant

things like that

feet frozen when cold temperature

constantly terrfied of getting made redundant

angela d, asm gabriel

plenty of rodents @ home depot make me wanna: cry, scream, wet pants, puke

home depot is a disaster waiting to keep happening

autistic. never gonna get "friends".

i've been wounded

meaningless

going nowhere

loser

failure

crave chocolate

luxury

delicious

indulgious

indulge

want

need

addiction

the bus stop pancakes from 1/3 have been in refrigerator since then. haven't finished eating them. delicious. tastes like sugar, eggs, flour, butter, vanilla. maybe i should've thrown them out a long time ago. (sanitation).

after getting back from the library today: ate the rice (only) off twelive pieces of sushi, two bananas, two mangos. was going to eat dinner and lunch @ one go (it was already after 3pm), but all of a sudden, full and bloated and didn't even feel like eating. so, thought: groceries $$$, heavy gravitationally, afraid of getting fat, and et ceera. so was trying to not eat for the rest of the day, but emotional overeating.
_______________________________________________________________________________

my worthless corpse is just a disaster waiting to keep happening.

yesterday, kit kat. used to eat kit kat almost every day. kit kat used to be in home depot vending machine. not anymore. home depot sells kit kats $2.68. kind of miss dark chocolate kit kats, but hardly any store sells dark chocolate kit kats. some 7-11s though sell them. not any of the large grocery stores though.

day before, reeses oreo. love the "vanilla" part of it. don't like the filling - prefer peanut butter. love creamy peanut butter. haven't eaten crunchy peanut butter for many years - k-12 or so. i don't buy peanut butter by the jar, b/c then i might eat the whole thing in one sitting. and enjoy it.

vending machine @ work sells reese's. love eating the peanut butter first and the chocolate next. love peanut butter and chocolate but peanut butter tastes kind of healthier (wrong word?).

every day

every meal

i wanna gorge

on something delicious

and expensive

and luxuerious

indulgent

binge eating

out of control

hypnotized

trance

it's a wonder i'm not 600 pounds alreayd

good thing i'm 42 years old

"life" has been over for a long time

yesterday ate way too much after getting home from library.

surprisingly, scale showed not just no weight gain, but weight loss.

suspect scale malfunction.

also, two weeks ago, lab results said testosterone 1336 (700 is the upper end of standard reference range)

wondering if high testosterone, tapeworms, or any other condition is raising metabolism.

paranoid of if its Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, Cushings Disease, or some other disease like that. a disease that requires a lot of time, $$, energy, physical pain, inconveinecne and embarrassment.

but whatever. 42 years old alreayd really really old, esp for an autistic transsexual with malfunctioning excretory system.

gotten into the new bad habit of two fiber one bars and one reeses, daily. past couple of weeks.

have to stop the bad habit

way too much sugar

long term health implications

today, for the first time in a couple weeks, zero fiber one bars or reeses or anything like that

thank buddha

things i wanna eat:

taco
lasagna
ice cream
fried chicken
muffin

cravings
indulgences
gone haywire

constant deprivation gustatorily

greed
love
hunger
desire
need
anger

it would behoove my physical health to eat less sugar

but emotional overeating

king oscars sardines, omega 3, brain power, delicious

learn how to cook

or get a higher paying job and pay for grub

metamucil smoothies satisfying

craving chinese food. after old man and old woman dropped dead, i don't eat chinese food anymore. exception: sometimes ranch 99, zongzi, mushrm bao, taro cake. but i don't know how to cook, don't wanna learn/practice.