Ladies, How often do you fake an orgasim?

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Yes, and they end up with an even uglier mess years later when it all comes out in hurled accusations and insults. No thanks. Not for me. Better the ugly mess and hurt feelings now because faking it only avoids it for awhile. The end result is still the same, it just happens after years of wasted time. For myself, I only get so many minutes and I'm not into wasting the ones I have.

I''ve never faked an orgasm either. THe idea is stupid to me, plus I'm not good at lying or acting, I doubt I'd be good at faking an orgasm. lol.

I enjoy sex. There have been very very few times it's been so bad I didn't enjoy it.

First off, let me know if I'm being too annoying here - I really don't want to be an ass.

But the issue is not "gee, I'm having sex and I don't like it." Hopefully that is just not going to happen in these circumstances. The issue is that some of us males are liable to foolishly continue on, with some hope of bringing a female to orgasm, when it's just not going to happen. With my wife, I know that there were a number of times when it started to become clear that she wasn't enjoying anymore. Just that realization - not any statement from her - would be enough to decrease my pleasure. So, I might roll away and sulk, like the typical emotional male. Neither of us would be happy with this. Did it happen often? No, probably not, but still, I know that there were times that I probably would have much rather had her fake one for me. I would sometimes fake my excitement (which would often end up getting me 'into it'), for her - saying things that I didn't really feel, but that I knew would arouse her.

Anyhow, this thread brought to mind that the best sex that I had was with the one girl whom I know 'faked it'. She knew that her apparant arousal would excite me, and that it would divest me of any foolish sense of duty. She even mentioned to me that some of the times doing so would bring her to an interested state again - which was quite exciting. I began to think that it would probably be better for both sometimes. I don't know - maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my wife, like many of you, could not have faithfully pulled off the deception, and remain true to her beliefs. Plus, there was no way that I could reasonably ask her (I have a lot of trouble expressing things like this to someone I'm with - I expect them to read my mind). I did hint at the idea, but she seemed as disturbed by it as some of you are, so I dropped it. I mean hell, I always had my porn.

Maybe I'm just babbling away for no reason. Maybe I should shut up. It's not really something that I feel comfortable discussing in the men's forum - not that I would have had the audacity to start this topic here, nor to add to it if it had seemed that none of you were willing to discuss it. I know that I appreciate when women come and give some of their input on our boards (well, maybe not all of them - the one's most likely to draw attention are really just locker room type of things - and it just degenerates into arguments, but ok). I'll just leave off now.

I agree with you, ZanneMarie.

Back in the day, when I was doing "it," apparently being honest about what I wanted was not what a guy really wanted. Or maybe it was the few guys I dated. Hell, it wasn't exactly a huge sample.

But for some reason, their idea of "pleasing" me involved more of the same, and when I changed the routine, and took over, one guy did not like it. It was one thing for me to be verbal, but when I did what I wanted to do, one, it freaked him out as he wanted to be dominant, and two, he said it wasn't feminine.

I think that's why I prefer an androgynous male--someone who likes to give and take, and isn't afraid of a partner's more "masculine" side. I loved dating Jay, the man who did drag. But things happen...

Plus I consider sex to be more than intercourse--well, I'd have to, being bi. It was always considered a great novelty to try something different than oral, and then the ol' in and out.


Ah, tmi, probably.

Rjaye

LOL A little of the ol' in and out. Were you channeling A Clock Work Orange? LOL It has my favorite last line of all time (well the American version anyway) - I was cured all right. LOL

Anyway, I know I have a male attitude toward sex. I always have. That's the way I am. Didn't intimidate the guys I was with (even though they were masculine and control freaks to boot) so I guess they were made of stern stuff or they really knew what they were doing. They paid attention to detail and reaction. They were also competitive. Heck, who knows? Worked out for us and that's all that matters.

If you scared them off taking control then they were too insecure to let go of control. And yes, sex is about many things. A form of art actually. At least for me.

Now we're both TMI. LOL

nevermind

Also keep in mind that there are actually quite a lot of women who have never been able to acheive orgasm. If this partner of yours faked it EVERY time, maybe she's one of these. And in that case, I can't blame her for faking it. She probably got tired of explaining to partners about not being able to orgasm, feeling inadequate, her partners feelings inadequate, everybody's unhappy. I'd probably fake it in that case as well. Even for women who can't orgasm, sex is still usually enjoyable. I'm very thankfull I'm not one of them, though.

No. I'm pretty sure she didn't fake it EVERY time, else why would she use a vibrator with me? I'm also pretty sure she didn't lie to me (although maybe now and then). I've been with women who are non-orgasmic, and yes it bothers them; if so, we try all sorts of things to make it possible - sometimes it works, sometimes not. I've never been with someone who is extremely orgasmic (hey - maybe it's me?). Really, this is the kind of thing that I talk about a lot with a partner, and try to assure them that they can trust me. I'm not saying that sex without orgasm is not pleasent (though it may be for some), I have enjoyed it myself, when I don't really want to get off. What I'm saying is that there are times when sex stops being enjoyable for either person, and that it might just be worth putting on a little act to make it better. I've tried, and am not good at it (it's hard to control certain muscles rapidly enough).

Calandale,

Maybe you're describing it wrong. Maybe "act" is the wrong word. "Acting" implies deceit, and if you both were open in the relationship, then you weren't lying to each other.

It's complicated. I just don't believe in staying in a relationship if it's not rewarding in a healthy way. If someone wants me to pretend so he can get what he wants is not exactly what I'm looking for. I don't want pretend. I don't think I can. And if he feels unloved, well, I'm Aspie, so there's a few things he probably won't get. A person has to own their feelings, and that includes feeling unloved, especially if I've shown him the affection I'm able to give. It will be interesting to see what I get in my next relationship, as I tend to be the one with the higher sex drive. Will I get the sex, or will I be sent to my B.O.B.? How we work that out will be the deal breaker for me.

What did she get from you that you were not really wanting to give, but were willing to please her?

Rjaye

Act as in play acting? Maybe? But it's more than that. As I tried to explain earlier, when I (or this one other woman - who was as messed up as I am, maybe more so) 'acted' it became the truth. So, by pretending an enjoyment in sex, when the other desires it, we would become aroused ourselves. This works with a lot of things though. (I have to figure out how to make it work for my work).

There's no way that I would insist on this. Other things are so much more important. It just struck me as a possible argument in favor of something that most guys claim to dislike (but probably don't). I reflect a lot on my past, and noticed that the best sexual partner (though not lover) that I had did this. It seemed worth a try. It wouldn't be, if my partner were not able to pull it off (as I fear was the case with my wife).

As to your question, I wonder if it is limited to sexual? Sometimes she would ask for sex, when I wasn't in the mood - I would comply, and more than that enjoy it. My wife didn't tend to ask a lot of me sexually, but others have, and I have met almost all of their desires - some which I can't even believe now (especially for the one woman - but our relationship was so very based on sex and fantasy - both of ours). If it is not limited, almost everything. I mean come on, there are always things that one is asked, but not really in the mood for - at some moment. I'd go out and fly a kite with her (something I had no interest in, in and of itself); I'd read to her far past the time when my throat would hurt; I'd pet her when she felt lonely and I wanted to be somewhere else. This is a lot of what love is about - giving of yourself when you don't necessarily want to. More than that, doing it in such a way that you can enjoy it. And there is no way that this was one-sided; I've never met anyone who gave more of herself to me. We were both very needy, and knew to please the other.

I think role playing, while not much talked about, is pretty common Calandale. Remember I said getting a dominatrix rush is really about the feeling of control exciting them? The same happens for their supposed submissive partner. In fact many people play those roles because they are victimized in real life or always the executive in control at work. It allows them to relax. And it's beyond those roles. You can do that with anything. Pretend your strangers. Put on costumes.

People do in all aspects of life. Game playing where you take on personas is a form of this. People who are soldiers in mock Civil War battles do this. It takes many forms. Being an actor is just an obvious way of taking on other roles until you believe them and think you can convince the audience.

The phenomenon you were talking about with pretending until you actually enjoy the activity is sometimes referred to as doing it until you believe it and it's part of you. That can also be for anything in life, including work.