Problem and "solution"

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You need to view this issue from a relative perspective: compared to getting information by post, your internet is actually very rapid.


The tram fares are too expensive in this region.

Solution: just go to the destination on foot. It will take you whole day, but at least it's free of charge.
Problem: due to global warming, the number of pirates has dropped too much. Now they are almost extinct.

Solution -- No way! Global warming is a watermelon myth, so something else must be causing the demise of pirates.

Problem -- I really should be doing something else right now.

Solution: develop multitasking skills and learn to do something else while posting on Wrong Planet.
Problem: how do we vaccinate people without screwing up their brains?

Solution: Screw up their brains BEFORE you vaccinate, then at least no-one can say the vaccination caused it.

Problem: I don't like having people living in the houses that adjoin mine, but I don't want to resort to assassination.

Solution: hire Agent 47 to kill them.
Problem: I will have to pay for university, but I have no money.

Rob a bank!!

I need a "proper" job.....

^ Wear a suit to work and speak politely to people. Consider making them do the same thing.

I have a pounding headache ...

Convert it to euros, then it will be about 30% less severe.

The climate where I live is too wet, and I can't afford to move to another part of the country.

Solution: stop drinking water. The excessive moisture will then satisfy your thirst.
Problem: I can't speak fluently.

Solution -- Melt! You'll be inherently fluent even if you don't speak.

Problem -- There are a lot of serious things I need to do, and then I want to do something radical I've been waiting for a chance to do for more years than flies there are right now within my field of view. I have no idea where to start and both my brain and my muscles are massively spoiled, so I struggle to get anything done.

Solution: drink as much coffee as possible, and you'll turn into Superman!
Problem: Wrong Planet is a sad place, how can we cheer it up?

Solution(s): Rename the General Autism Discussion forum General Optimism Discussion, rename The Haven as Iza Laughin' Mah Lil Ol' Socks Off, and appoint new moderators who will instantly lock any thread which shows a trace of 'negativity'.

Problem: How can I drink two bottles of Vodka at breakfast time every day without damaging my liver?

Solution -- Melt the bottles! The hot, liquid silica solution will burn your mouth and throat horribly, but it's unlikely to affect your liver.

Problem -- I'm too busy wasting my time to gather my thoughts and make a coherent plan to stop wasting it.

Solution: gather all your time and pour it into a bowl, that way it will no longer waste itself.
Problem: I'm thirsty, but too lazy to get off my chair.

Solution: construct a stillsuit so you recycle all the water you're currently profligately discarding.

Problem: I am too tired to get off the sofa and go to bed.