I'm feeling worthless

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Wow, i'm astonished people find offence to my post. OP clearly lacks energy and commented that she's eating nothing but bread, that's great way to crash your system, and you can't do crap if you're eating like crap, hence her situation. As you will feel too crummy to do anything if you keep putting anything into your system, then she goes on about the perils of obedient children (heavens knows why). Which is a sign of rebellion, rebellious children is not a sign of strong parents but the opposite.

This world is FULL of rebellious children so it's no sign of health to want that out of your own. None of this is off-topic.

Also, there is nothing wrong with my tone. if you want to live in a feel-good world where all advice is 'feel-good' advise, then it would be no advise at all. Everybody wants to hear the feel good advise, but nobody wants advise. Wanting to "Feel Good" all the time is why this girl is in the state she's in, and plenty of you want to keep her in that state as if her complaints didn't come from anywhere genuine. Now that she feels good she's going to be here again in some weeks when her painful habits surface to head once more. I know so because I've been there before.



The world flatters sickness because it loves sickness, you want me to support your malaise? What kind of friend would support a drug habit?

My goodness, I pop in these forums every so often and each time I do, i begin to realize how far this human race is falling. Telling a person to start eating right and to raise obedient children is now considered too extreme for this sad race.

That’s really what I’m meant...the type of research you are doing now. I didn’t mean go to full-time work.

I wish dachas were less communal...like a cabin in the woods. I don’t like that communal stuff, either.

Sometimes, people just need “feel good” advice. That’s why we have the Haven.

I recommend you read Plato’s “Allegory of a Cave.” It talks, in a symbolic way, about how people should be gentle with advice.

Hard advice might be good—but might not be appropriate at all times.

A caress is frequently better than a hard slap upside one’s head.

Yup Mr Kortie, when I've needed to post here in the past, I had enough metaphorical tough love in real life, glad of the autistic orientated support I got then.
What do you do for brain sport Magz?

@Possum, your responses would be okay in PPR, probably acceptable in other subforums but they are absolutely inappropriate in The Heaven. Read the rules of this subforum and don't post here if you don't want to keep to them. If you want to start a discussion about parenting styles, do it in an appropriate place.

My brain sports include jigsaw puzzles and aquiring and structuring new knowledge in different fields. Currently, I was extensively reading about archeological cultures of non-mediterranean Europe, from Neolithic to the Iron Age.

It would be interesting to make the connection between those cultures and the Indo-European ones from further south.

And how these cultures evolved from the Paleolithic cultures of previous times. Especially as it relates to the dawn of agriculture.

I was a sort of an anthropological autodidact in my young teenage years. I lost track as I got older.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 30 Aug 2019, 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Oh yes archaeology is right up my street! I had a field day (puns intended) when I got to visit Citânia de Briteiros in northern Portugal...


Recently visited a portal dolmen, 2 court cairns and a ring fort, love reading up about them too.

@magz, your kids brush their teeth daily? You got one on me there.

Generally I provide the thought leadership for our parenting and DH implements. We both had lousy parenting role models, and I am the one who devours parenting books (and signs us up for classes). So I'm the idea person (and I Focus to implement), but it gets old sometimes. It's good to "switch" roles on occasion, or take a break. The latter is easier b/c it's in my control, but it's harder b/c of my challenge with "idle" time. I'm taking a break right now from scheduling family events... I'm reminded myself: all in good time.

I'm glad you are feeling better. All in good time.

As long as the kids feel loved....that’s what’s most important.

(( A lotus flower made of spoons just for you, Magnificent Magz ))

You're not worthless, magz, your contributions here were of immeasurable help to many people.

I also remember from your previous posts that all parenting duties fall on you and so does the emotional health of your family. It's normal to get overwhelmed on occasions, especially considering other issues you've been battling lately. Try to take care of yourself and take your time: we here will at least send you spoons and good thoughts whenever you need them.

On a side note, as a father of older children than yours, who are highly self-reliant and competent, I applaud your decision to raise yours as "strong, independent adults using their own minds and consciences", self-control and discipline are important, but blind obedience is dangerous and harmful.

If possible, I would (when you feel better) have a talk with your husband. The two of you need to work as a team at all times and always be on the same side - a strategy is needed on how to deal with outside interference, which can be a greatly destructive influence in a marriage.

Thanks

Today I'm above the threshold and I see that yesterday I was sick and almost fainted when stood up... so what did I expect from myself?
We cleaned the mess with the kids together today. It was really hard core, Lego bricks mixed with crushed crayons and bread crumbs, no wonder hubby got mad. But I had no power to respond and take care of the situation yesterday.

Bender, you're right, I carry the whole parenting and mental health of the family on my shoulders and it is not less than going to work and doing groceries. I also cook for myself and the kids but hubby likes the dishes his way so he makes the family dinners. My cooking is too simplified for his taste, just to provide nutritiens in some acceptable form while he is an artist chef.

I just sometimes feel so... lonely. Especially when I am too weak to carry on with my duties and the whole system collapses. I need to do nothing when I'm weak to prevent everybody freaking out. Because when I fall below the threshold, then my husband freaks out and starts attacking children which I feel like attacks on me, making me feel even worse... I wish he learned not to. But until he does, for the functioning of the family, I need to do nothing without guilt when I'm low on spoons. If only I remembered it under the threshold as well.

Have you considered going to university? If you already been to university, you can go get another degree.

The reason I am suggesting this is that I wish I was in your shoes. I want to become a physics professor, but since its too competitive I can't become one as of now. So, instead of getting a job that I don't want, I went back to school to get another degree. Now, the girl that considered dating me last spring (and it ended up not working out) was concerned how would I support kids if I don't want to get a job: she was willing to be the sole breadwinner when there are no kids, but not if there are.

And that brings me to saying how lucky you are: you got the arrangement that I always wanted where you don't have to work. The reason I want that arrangement is so that I can go to university. So since you got the exact thing I always wanted, why don't you utilize it in a way that I wanted to utilize it -- and go to university.

Contrary to popular opinion, going to university is fun. I mean, when you have a job you do the same thing year after year. But when you are in a university you get more and more courses on your record, more and more degrees, so you are progressing in ways you could never progress with job. And if you already have degrees you can get more degrees in other disciplines and that way you can be proud of having more degrees than most people.

QFT (Quantum Field Theory?), I'm during a break in my still unfinished PhD studies in theoretical physics. I needed to take a break because parenting eats up so much of my resources that I ended in a spectacular burnout. I'm not yet ready to go back. As I responded to Kraftie earlier, I use up almost all my functioning time on urgent, survival-related tasks.

Children don't just raise themselves if you have money. Especially highly sensitive Aspie children.

I hate to be disabled but it seems I am, only without a doc's stamp on it.

Yes its exactly what I meant by that abbreviation in my user name!



Thats really cool! So what area of physics are you specializing on? How many years have you completted? And how long was your break?



I guess I am new here so I didn't realize it were your children rather than you who is an aspie. So you aren't an aspie, or are you?