26 Sep 2025, 7:52 pm
Think about children in this way. They're a blank slate because they're new to the world and so they are learning how to behave. They are not aware of how to behave in certain contexts and it is the act of parenting that demonstrates boundaries and through discipline moulds the ethical outlook and behaviour of a child.
A child of four years old doesn't have the experience of a 32 year old as they haven't grown up yet. All they know is that they're having fun at the playground and they want to continue having fun. They don't have the education or the capability to assess their situation or be able to put forward a coherent argument about why they should be allowed to stay.
Children are extremely vulnerable but have no concept of their own vulnerabilty or fragility until they fall over, get scared, are hungry/thirsty/sleepy 
. They're not independent and rely on their parents for everything, but they don't necessarily understand this.
Children learn through repetition and experience. If they cry because they're upset and then their mum or Dad gives in, then that may teach a child that if they cry they may get what they want, so they' cry at the playground because they think it will work and they can play longer. Or they just don't understand and cry because they're genuinely upset and don't understand.
Children are not tiny adults and so you cannot apply the rules of adults to children. WHat children are doing when they're playing is actually learning about how the world works. Their brains are constantly testing the environment and updating their mental simulation fo the world based on the new information. They're constantly problem solving. All animals do it. Not just people.
Bringing up children successfully is a lot of hard work, a person may not be getting enough sleep, children are extremely expensive and can be exasperating at times, but that's because they're children and do not understand how the world actually works. They're equally extremely rewarding to you as a person.
Long story short, children are starting from not knowing anything so they're going to make lots of mistakes but that's part of being a child and growing up. It's not a failing of the parent if a child does not behave perfectly.
Mikurotoro92
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27 Sep 2025, 2:57 pm
A child of four years old doesn't have the experience of a 32 year old as they haven't grown up yet. All they know is that they're having fun at the playground and they want to continue having fun. They don't have the education or the capability to assess their situation or be able to put forward a coherent argument about why they should be allowed to stay.
Children are extremely vulnerable but have no concept of their own vulnerabilty or fragility until they fall over, get scared, are hungry/thirsty/sleepy
. They're not independent and rely on their parents for everything, but they don't necessarily understand this. Children learn through repetition and experience. If they cry because they're upset and then their mum or Dad gives in, then that may teach a child that if they cry they may get what they want, so they' cry at the playground because they think it will work and they can play longer. Or they just don't understand and cry because they're genuinely upset and don't understand.
Children are not tiny adults and so you cannot apply the rules of adults to children. WHat children are doing when they're playing is actually learning about how the world works. Their brains are constantly testing the environment and updating their mental simulation fo the world based on the new information. They're constantly problem solving. All animals do it. Not just people.
Bringing up children successfully is a lot of hard work, a person may not be getting enough sleep, children are extremely expensive and can be exasperating at times, but that's because they're children and do not understand how the world actually works. They're equally extremely rewarding to you as a person.
Long story short, children are starting from not knowing anything so they're going to make lots of mistakes but that's part of being a child and growing up. It's not a failing of the parent if a child does not behave perfectly.
Yeah a LOT of this is probably because I have no real experience with parenting and it is only when I actually become a mom (if I ever do!) that I will FINALLY understand!! !
So now the question becomes:
Should I become a mother and embrace motherhood by joining the ranks of my friends & neighbors?
Honestly, I'm not sure...
EDIT: There are so many compelling arguments against motherhood that I am finding it almost impossible to decide
For example, I don't like even doctors looking at my private parts which is why I'm NOT looking forward to my upcoming Pap Smear test!! !
If I got pregnant and subsequently gave birth, nurses would all be up in my private area even if I went through the IVF (in-vitro fertilization) method which is why I believe a surrogate is the answer if I want biological children!
Otherwise adoption or foster care
HOWEVER, birth is only one part of my ambivalance
There is also the stuff you described @Montaigne about how hard it truly is to successfully raise kids and of course you have to factor in the tantrums & bad behavior...
Last edited by Mikurotoro92 on 27 Sep 2025, 3:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.
27 Sep 2025, 2:58 pm
27 Sep 2025, 4:35 pm
Think/hope most parents do try the best they can. News sometimes tries to make me think different (there are exceptions and some you really think 'why did you have children'). Parents make mistakes, children make mistakes. It doesn't necessarily make them bad. Some children need other help, some parents need help.
Sometimes I wish there was a test they had to take before but this would lead to people just being good at tests. Foster care checks people before they can get a child but still they often end up in a circle of abusive homes. (also... we only read about the bad cases). Denmark (?) currently has a huge scandal were they did test people and children were taken away from parents that failed a test. A test not made with Inuit people and traditions in mind so Inuit people failed more often.
A doctor who's name is very much tied up with this forum was part of an organisation that had to decide if parents were fit to keep there children. My mom made mistakes. She was young. She would without any doubt have failed. All things considered the end result is slightly banged up but ok (not everybody seems to agree on that). Think it is all you can hope for as a parent.
There is also the saying "it takes a village to raise a child". Not sure how far that holds up but my end result is not only made by my parents. More people made mistakes, some geneva convention war crimes mistakes.
As a trans person I stay away from children. Used to like observing them like you seem to like. Don't be too harsh on parents or children, both are learning. Sometimes I smile when I see a child freaking out. Perhaps age or hormone changes and depending on time or place but I get less bothered with children being childish. (or it might be 'at least they have the age for it').
I sound like an old granny now
but really... no experience at all.
Mikurotoro92
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27 Sep 2025, 4:44 pm
27 Sep 2025, 6:27 pm
Mikurotoro92
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27 Sep 2025, 7:17 pm
CockneyRebel
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03 Oct 2025, 1:24 pm
05 Oct 2025, 11:23 pm
Mikurotoro92
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06 Oct 2025, 6:19 am
Mikurotoro92
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06 Oct 2025, 6:20 am
Mikurotoro92
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06 Oct 2025, 10:10 pm
Mikurotoro92
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08 Oct 2025, 8:35 pm
Mikurotoro92
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08 Oct 2025, 9:22 pm
A child of four years old doesn't have the experience of a 32 year old as they haven't grown up yet. All they know is that they're having fun at the playground and they want to continue having fun. They don't have the education or the capability to assess their situation or be able to put forward a coherent argument about why they should be allowed to stay.
Children are extremely vulnerable but have no concept of their own vulnerabilty or fragility until they fall over, get scared, are hungry/thirsty/sleepy
. They're not independent and rely on their parents for everything, but they don't necessarily understand this. Children learn through repetition and experience. If they cry because they're upset and then their mum or Dad gives in, then that may teach a child that if they cry they may get what they want, so they' cry at the playground because they think it will work and they can play longer. Or they just don't understand and cry because they're genuinely upset and don't understand.
Children are not tiny adults and so you cannot apply the rules of adults to children. WHat children are doing when they're playing is actually learning about how the world works. Their brains are constantly testing the environment and updating their mental simulation fo the world based on the new information. They're constantly problem solving. All animals do it. Not just people.
Bringing up children successfully is a lot of hard work, a person may not be getting enough sleep, children are extremely expensive and can be exasperating at times, but that's because they're children and do not understand how the world actually works. They're equally extremely rewarding to you as a person.
Long story short, children are starting from not knowing anything so they're going to make lots of mistakes but that's part of being a child and growing up. It's not a failing of the parent if a child does not behave perfectly.
Yeah a LOT of this is probably because I have no real experience with parenting and it is only when I actually become a mom (if I ever do!) that I will FINALLY understand!! !
So now the question becomes:
Should I become a mother and embrace motherhood by joining the ranks of my friends & neighbors?
Honestly, I'm not sure...
EDIT: There are so many compelling arguments against motherhood that I am finding it almost impossible to decide
For example, I don't like even doctors looking at my private parts which is why I'm NOT looking forward to my upcoming Pap Smear test!! !
If I got pregnant and subsequently gave birth, nurses would all be up in my private area even if I went through the IVF (in-vitro fertilization) method which is why I believe a surrogate is the answer if I want biological children!
Otherwise adoption or foster care
HOWEVER, birth is only one part of my ambivalance
There is also the stuff you described @Montaigne about how hard it truly is to successfully raise kids and of course you have to factor in the tantrums & bad behavior...
Well...I survived the Pap smear BUT it burned really bad like the "ring of fire" sensation in childbirth!! !
There's no mistaking it, it WAS the "ring of fire" I was experiencing
I don't know if that definitively means I 100% do NOT want to become a mom but I know I have to make the choice before I reach menopause!
