Sudden reservations and doubts about marriage

Page 2 of 5 [ 73 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Texasmoneyman300
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,618
Location: Texas

24 Oct 2025, 8:46 pm

Jakki wrote:
Make him put it in the marriage agreement . but usually , marriage doesnt equal complete freedom . It may mean you may have to show up . For divorce court . But it , does sound like you have enough going on with you to know your own mind. But let your needs be known.. in writing then . Kinda like an escape clause in a business contract .

Its most likely too late for a pre-nup or a marriage agreement if thats what you mean because pre-nups have to be singnificantly before the wedding to be valid.



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,287
Location: U.S.A.         (Mid-Atlantic)

24 Oct 2025, 9:42 pm

Do you think he will care about your future well-being?

We've been married for 25 years. Now we rely on each other to watch our back.

Can you drive me to my doctor appointment? Do I need to drive you to your doctor appointment?

I think we don't need that horrible, stupid decoration. Can we at least put it over here where it won't take up so much room?

Where do you want to go for supper?


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


cyberdora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2025
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,159
Location: Australia

25 Oct 2025, 3:46 am

^^^ Hence why living with David first is sensible...or try before you buy



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

25 Oct 2025, 11:34 am

Living together first is highly frowned upon in certain circles though. Some familes, religions, & community groups look down on couples for living together unmarried. The fear of being alienated from family, friends, & community can may seem more like imprisonment for some than being married is. I don't know if these are motivating factors for you or David planning to marry :?


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,287
Location: U.S.A.         (Mid-Atlantic)

25 Oct 2025, 1:44 pm

Marriage is not imprisonment. It is an alliance!

Would you like to have the other person as a partner so you can both watch out for each other? And cuddle with each other? And look in astonishment when you see some of the odd ideas they have?

Marriage is forming a team. Your goal is to choose a teammate you would trust your future to, and whose future you would like to help protect...and some love would be good, too.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


Mikurotoro92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,080
Location: Mushroom Kingdom or Bikini Bottom

25 Oct 2025, 4:11 pm

David doesn't want to do co-habitation though so that is not an option



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,648
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

25 Oct 2025, 4:26 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
David doesn't want to do co-habitation though so that is not an option

Why?


_________________
My WP story


Mikurotoro92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,080
Location: Mushroom Kingdom or Bikini Bottom

25 Oct 2025, 4:34 pm

MaxE wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
David doesn't want to do co-habitation though so that is not an option

Why?


Because he already tried it with a previous girlfriend and hated it



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

25 Oct 2025, 5:34 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
David doesn't want to do co-habitation though so that is not an option

Why?


Because he already tried it with a previous girlfriend and hated it
Then he def should not be wanting to get married. Deciding to get married when he hates the idea of co-habitation is voluntary improsnimg himself. I'm confused & surprised by his logic


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


cyberdora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2025
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,159
Location: Australia

25 Oct 2025, 6:51 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Because he already tried it with a previous girlfriend and hated it


that's your first potential red flag. I'm sure you are curious to hear his former g/f's perspective on what it was like living with Mr David?



cyberdora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2025
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,159
Location: Australia

25 Oct 2025, 6:56 pm

nick007 wrote:
Living together first is highly frowned upon in certain circles though. Some familes, religions, & community groups look down on couples for living together unmarried. The fear of being alienated from family, friends, & community can may seem more like imprisonment for some than being married is. I don't know if these are motivating factors for you or David planning to marry :?


Sorry but we are talking about a shrinking minority. Co-habitation (at least in Australia) is the norm (not the exception). If you read the OPs reason for not living together first is because David tried it before with his previous g/f and he hated it. It sounds to me like David is calling the shots.



Mikurotoro92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,080
Location: Mushroom Kingdom or Bikini Bottom

25 Oct 2025, 7:03 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Because he already tried it with a previous girlfriend and hated it


nick007 wrote:
Then he def should not be wanting to get married. Deciding to get married when he hates the idea of co-habitation is voluntary improsnimg himself. I'm confused & surprised by his logic


You think by deciding to marry me David would be voluntarily imprisoning himself?

Hmm...



cyberdora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2025
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,159
Location: Australia

25 Oct 2025, 9:00 pm

^^^ I think David's reasons for rushing into marriage with you after he told you he hated living in co-habitation with his previous g/f might need some reflection on your part.



Jakki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,753
Location: Outter Quadrant

25 Oct 2025, 9:39 pm

Its a life time commitment, as Texasmoneyman suggested.A Pre nuptual agreement . Might ,if you are not married yet.
Might research it , about getting someone else copy of a Prenup, as read it take out what you do not care for, add, what you do want then make a copy with or without those parts you want/ do not want..Also maybe include things related to finances,if you split up ? If it scares him ?(Must sign it before marriage). then you might want a marriage counselor before you get married? if you can afford it ? or he can afford it.
Personally , I chose a man that we knew each other mind before hand and not a issue,did not require pre nup.
Because by the time we lived together for a year, We knew if it was gonna work? ,but you never know what might pop up. Frankly I told him if he got arrested, I was going to be gone .No help,from me , PTSD caused me to say that .
2nd year of marriage , sure enough he got arrested driving my car . Not only did I have to rescue my car from impound
but after knowing him a year. Then being married for a year . I knew him too well . So when the arrest occurred by some city cops. In the next city over from where we lived . The circumstances he was arrested under were BS ,almost fraudulent. The cops just need to make a quota ,for there Commander ,And late husband , looked like an easy target .And my car was NO prize winner. I had been to court in that city more than once myself . On BS charges,to fill a quota.
So Aspie me , sense of write or wrong got offended . Same police dept. Got on the phone , found out watch commanders name. Spoke to him directly. Got my car sorted. Was not a piece of evidence! bu t they tried to make it one .Then had to go to court for him anyway, cause I was offended,by their activity by PD. When the prosecuetor in court tried to cast him as a nerdowell,irresponsible person. I waited gor that momentary break in court proceedings
and front the front row and stood up facing the judge. And loudly and clearly Asked" May I address the Court" then the
Judge spoke to then bailiff, so I did not cross the threshold of the actual court arena.And had prepared a statement to the facts, addressed to the court . Which moments before the proseutor tried yo indite his character, but I knew better
And I was his wife, they allowed to speak and I put the prosecuetor in his place. But the court adjourned because of me. so I could ho get other needed cocuments to prove,what I wrote. He was let out 5 hours later after the court reconvened that afternoon. All because I took time to get to know him..Otherwise , would have left him jail . with a bogus arrest by over zeolous PD


_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
Quote:
where ever you go ,there you are


Mikurotoro92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,080
Location: Mushroom Kingdom or Bikini Bottom

25 Oct 2025, 11:02 pm

cyberdora wrote:
^^^ I think David's reasons for rushing into marriage with you after he told you he hated living in co-habitation with his previous g/f might need some reflection on your part.


Huh?

What do you mean?



cyberdora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2025
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,159
Location: Australia

25 Oct 2025, 11:26 pm

^^^ He (David) is literally saying "since I couldn't live with my previous g/f therefore I don't want do the same thing with you...unless you marry me first?

My question is why does he think living with you is a deal breaker? when he was willing to do that before. he loves you right? so how does marriage resolve his bad experience?

if things don't work out (and I am not saying it wont) then moving out of his house is 100x easier and less stressful than a divorce.



cron