Should people with disabilities date and get married?

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^It's just too hard and Aspies should stay single & celebate I think...

To me employment is harder than marriage.

My written diagnosis is Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) with a note that I also satisfy the criteria previously associated with Asperger's Syndrome.

I've been happily married to an ADHD gal for 25 years.

Note: I was a complete klutz about dating. I was very lucky to "catch" her (well, I was very lucky to not completely throw the opportunity away) and we did not marry 'til we were 45.

But I am married!

Perhaps job hunting is the hard part? I consider myself very lucky to have not needed to do much job-hunting. I was bounced around from position-to-position in large organizations.

I had a few dates before I met my husband, but I found I didn't really feel anything for them, as in not having any romantic feelings for them. So I had to do the kindest thing, which was to dump them (but very gently and tactfully). I felt guilty, but it's better than letting a relationship go on and being fake. I know sometimes men can grow on you, but what if he doesn't? Then you'll feel like you're stringing him along until you can't fake any more and then you get unhappy. So sometimes if you feel you don't really fancy them after like a week or two into the relationship then it's not too late to kindly end the relationship and remain friends.

I knew what I wanted. But when I get a crush on a man, I get a bit obsessive, but not in a way that's socially unacceptable to them. Just in a way where I make them my goal to fall in love with. When I was 23 (before I met my husband) I got stupidly involved with a married man. I didn't know he was married when we first got chatting. I just noticed in his body language that he was into me and I was so delighted, because I really did fancy him.
But I began getting suspicions that he was married, and he kept lying to me. I knew the lies, but because I fancied him so much, I wanted to believe his lies. I was choosing to be led on by him, which was foolish of me. I am not as naive as I look. So although he done wrong by cheating on his wife and providing me with false hopes, I was wrong too by letting him carry on. I admit that. But I was so lonely at the time, my mental health was almost at rock bottom and I was longing for romance.

I was so glad when my husband first came along, otherwise Lord only knows where I could have ended up now.

I've personally made the decision to put dating on hold because my life is challenging enough as is and I simply don't have enough energy to have a girlfriend right now.

But yeah, I'd say just leave it up to the individual.

I think that's one of the main reasons I majorly struggled to get a relationship when I was single but it was also a major reason why I wanted a relationship. I find I'm a lot better off in a relationship as opposed to living with my parents. My mom majorly resented me living at home as an adult stating many times that adults are supposed to move out once they they no longer in school. Mom did not grasp how times changed since her & dad were out of school & they could not relate to being disabled. Mom believed I was being extremely lazy by not working & for me being dependent on her & dad. The only benefits I ever had were SSI, Social Security Disability, Medicaid, & Medicare. I can not drive due to my vision being too bad & my parents live in a ruralish area with no public transportation. When I did work the three jobs I had were federal minimum-wage things & working full time was not enough for me to afford to rent an apartment. No doctors in the area accepted Louisiana Medicaid so I had to pay $300+ a month for private health insurance that had copays, deductibles, & did not cover mental so I paid the full cost to see a psychiatrist as well as for counseling when I briefly tried counseling. Even if I would of had my own place in a city with public transportation, living alone would have been majorly problematic for me.

The only people I ever majorly connected with & felt close to have been my romantic partners. My current girlfriend has various disabilities some of which we have in common but we also each have some the other does not have. Unlike me Cass had housing assistance(me & my parents were basically told I would have to be homeless to qualify due to me not having certain specific diagnoses or not being severely disabled enough by specific disabilities that I did have officially diagnosed). Cass had lived alone for about a year & majorly hated it; her mental issues were a lot worse & she kind of needs to have someone around. She would have moved back in with her parents if I hadn't moved in with her. Cass majorly hated the idea of moving back in due to her parents fighting a lot & the house falling apart. I think being emotionally supportive within a relationship is one of my biggest relationship strengths though I do not go about it in the typical NT way, I tend to be a lot more direct & straightforward. Life can be very difficult for us sometimes & the last few years things seem to be getting worse for lots of disabled people, however me & Cass are both a lot better off with each other than any other realistic alternative.

^You may depend on government benefits but so far as I can tell you arranged that for yourself, or at least took over responsibility when you became an adult, so by my definition you have agency.

Correct. My parents helped me fill out paperwork to apply but the money always went to me & I managed it. Where I'm from originally the media & politicians look down on anyone needing government assistance. Disabled people are either thought to be lazy leeches who are fully capable of being independent if we only wanted to be or we're too dependent to really be capable of making decisions & be in relationships. It's like I should be completely independent & self-sufficient or be in an adult guardianship.

Imagine however if you did not have agency by my definition, but lived with your parents with no prospect of becoming independent, or in a group home. Assume you are allosexual (which may not be true in your case). You want to entertain a female love interest in your bedroom, with the door locked (and she wants to be entertained that way). Should you be allowed? Would it be different if you had a vasectomy? If you are not allowed, should you view that as reasonable or would you feel as though you were being punished just for being disabled?

This how I understand the question the OP is asking.

Besides Cathy I have agency with most adult things too for the most part...

As a guy on the autism spectrum, I don't have any trouble attracting or talking to women, but I'm completely clueless about how to conduct a relationship. I tend to ghost women after the initial encounter because I have no idea what to do next. Also, virtually all of the women I've been romantically involved with have been in the psych ward. I guess that's the only setting where we're around each other enough to form a bond.

In Australia benefits are removed or heavily reducded if married or even in de-facto relationship/living together without marriage. I don't really have any aspirations around relationships due to all the stuff expected in them and too hard. or dating apps are scary. but if I did find someone marrying would be good for the person then having legal say in stuff or being able to go to things that are family only maybe then? but then that person could maybe turn bad and take money in divorce or something.

It's like that in the US as well depending on the benefits. The only benefits I've been having for the last 13 years have been Social Security Disability & Medicare & Medicaid which would not be affected by marriage, except my Medicaid possibly could if our combined income is over a certain ammount which probably varries by state. However my girlfriend is on SSI, Section 8 housing assistance, SNAP(food stamps), & Medicaid. If we were married all those benefits except possibly her Medicaid would be reduced based on my income. Her Section 8 & SNAP would also normally be affected by us living together unmarried. However I'm classified as her live-in-aid so my income & benefits do not affect her's. She was told Section 8 would not approve a two bedroom apartment unless she needed a live-in-aid. She had lived alone for a year a while before she got in a relationship with me & she had major problems handling it due to depression & anxiety. Her docs & psychs signed paperwork verifying she has a need. She would much rather if we were married & I would of preferred that as well but marriage was not practical at the time for financial reasons & still isn't. After a while it started feeling like we were married but Cass still wishes we were.

Sounds like me. Because I was awful at reading social cues, I couldn't figure out if a woman wanted to jump in the sack with me or couldn't wait to get rid of me. That confusion and uncertainty is why I didn't have a serious relationship until I was 27 -- with a woman who thankfully made it clear how she felt about me.