Is it weird that I feel I'm in mid life and still immature?

Post Reply New Topic

I think a lot of what people call maturity boils down to (a) alignment of personal values with those of the surrounding society or (b) alignment of self-perception with environmental cues. Neither of those is as instinctive for autistic people as it is for others.

Social maturity is part of that mysterious 'falling into step' phenomenon.

Without having had kids I don't think many of my responsibilities required maturity.
I'm not sure if it's cause or consequence but I have a number of aspects that don't seem to have grown up.
I guess my mental age crystallised at 18 while the physical age accelerated.

I think my average age is somewhere around "Superfluous"

I've been on a slow track to adulthood

I think a lot of feeling "mature" is knowing how what is supposed to act around one's peers in various situations. The fact that we don't know socially what we're supposed to do is going to lead to us feeling "immature".

I actually don't like it when I mention to people I'm 41/42 people say that I'm still young. Just because I'm immature for my age, doesn't change facts that I'm a middle aged woman.

I turned 66 last August, but in some ways I'm still nine years old. I'm not nearly as serious and respectable as other adults I've interacted with. It has been this way since I was nine.
To quote my mother, "Act you age." I could never understand how I could be anything else, unless she actually meant "ACT" my age. Is that what adults do? Do they get a manual that says "Your 16, and this is how you behave."

Which version of Act Your Age is one suppose to adhere to, parents, or one's peers? Both?
I failed at both, and cannot say I really tried. I thought the best route was to be who I was and grow from that. I was decent at art. I enjoyed movies. I enjoyed the history of both. That may have saved me.

When I retired, I believe my co-workers thought I was not mature enough to do some tasks, unless the task was at one in the morning. Not all my co-workers. Just the grown up mature ones.

I have an irrelevant sense of play. Maybe. We are not always the best mirror of ourselves.

I can relate to this I'm 62 and I still like popping bubble wrap, squeaking toys in the shops, having a swing.

That sounds like a lot of fun.

A lot of people on the spectrum have a younger mindset than their actual age. I do too. It seems to be a defining characteristic, IMO.
I'd like to know if anyone here thinks they are older than their chronological age.

I also feel this way. There is nothing wrong with it, when it comes to having childlike hobbies and stuff.

But having a hard time learning social cues is a bit dangerous. I tend to be very naive and dont understand when people are lying. So i always keep my guard up in order to not get scammed and that is hard

Predators actively seek us out.

I'm vulnerable to scams and stuff too, or letting creepy people ask me too many questions.

^I'm very aloof but I also tend to be kind of guarded & standoffish. Some people think I'm very sweet & helpful but others think I'm an a$$hole & maybe a bit creepy. Predators might see me as an easy mark at fist but very quickly realize I'm not the type to give in to them.

I relate a lot to this except for your interests

In some ways I may have been more mature than my physical age. When I was a kid I didn't majorly like playing with other kids. I preferred to stay indoors where the adults were & I would rock in chairs with my mom & grandma & half listen to them talk about soap-operas or I'd watch TV. It seems like lots of teens & young adults get into trouble by partying, drinking, performing pranks, having sex & hooking up with random people, &/or doing stupid stunts imitating Jacka$$. I never did anything like that. Lots of my peers probably thought that I was very immature for not doing those things but parents & older adults probably think that's a sign of being mature & responsible.

Socially I mostly talked about my interests like video-games, music, or TV & I quoted lots of jokes from offensive shows like Beavis & Butthead & Ren & Stimpy.

Emotionally I was very immature. I was an extremely picky eater & had lots of tantrums & meltdowns when food I liked was not available. I pigged out on lots of snacks & junk-food that I was only supposed to eat a little of. I had lots of tantrums & meltdowns because I hated being woken up to get ready for school. I yelled, insulted, & cursed my mom out quite aLOT but mom did it back to me as well. During bad meltdowns I sometimes threw toys at my walls or I would slam doors & a few times it was hard enough to break glass that was in the door or make a picture fall & break that was near the door. I occasionally ran out the house down the road a few miles before one of my parents would convince me to get in the car & accept my punishment. The main way my parents could punish me was by taking my TV out my room because I didn't have much other interests. When I was home alone I would snoop through my parents stuff looking for adult things. I did NOT have the tantrums & meltdowns at school though; I had them before going to school or after I got home or after one of my parents picked me up or on weekends & school vacations. It's like I was pushing myself at school to try & comply & not act out but when I was not at school I really needed time to myself to wind down & relax. My mom being on my case about school stuff like doing my homework & studying or also me being hungry at home & not having food available that I liked would majorly set me off.

After I became an adult I tried working on myself in various ways; I'll spare you guys the rambling of details right now. In some ways I made lots of progress. I'm usually a lot more stable & I'm a lot more easy going. My current girlfriend has various issues & I usually try very hard to be emotionally supportive. I sometimes feel kinda like a parent with her. Cass says I'm a lot more logical & level-headed than she is. I'm still very immature in lots of ways though like my interests/hobbies & daily living & such. Luckily Cass is the same way so we get along & don't fight about that kind of stuff but we both struggle with daily living & life stuff.

For most of my life, I was very naive. My whole family was. I had to learn the hard way that you can't trust most strangers in business, and many people casually. I found over effusive people tend to be dishonest. I had a friend who was like that and didn't understand why some found him off putting.

^I think I may be very naive with some things but I had lots of problems with others as a kid. I was bullied a lot in elementary-school. Bullies lied about me & they were automatically believed over me. I've had a major disability I was born with but doctors accused me of faking it till my senior year of high-school. I've seen various types of offies screw-up & after they'd listen to me or my mom we'd get told that it had never happened before. I'm a bit misanthropic about suciety in general but recognize & admit that I need people for various things in life.

A lot of us avoid social interactions because of unpleasant experiences. I have too. There are always misunderstandings for us in an NT dominated world. I try and use the K.I.S.S. principle as much as possible these days.