A question of male existence

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Wewewhah? I guess if these aren't emotions you've experienced I'm sorry if I'm talking over your head.




No, fights are one thing, having something happen that legitimately just throws me because its out of context with the usual (not at all in the context your speaking of). I'm meaning just pure emotion. If its a couple dweeb jocks saying "Hey, we heard you called us f--s" thats laughable, if its something else where someone's flipping out about something and they mean a bit more to you - completely different scenario.



Thanks, thats probably one of the funniest things I've heard on here in a while. I'm getting an odd feeling that you'll probably be good for a lot more of that - I'll have to keep my eyes peeled to see what else you've got.

Oh, I understand that real well and if I ever got one, trust me, I wouldn't even want to keep ammo for it - it would be for the range and the range only. The advice I got from my girlfriend's dad when we were talking about this and firearms a ways back; if you have a gun you only pull it if you have absolute intention of following through and pulling the trigger. If you don't, thats when things get really messed up.

Still, I think this thread's not about carrying guns, its not about me protecting myself, it has to do with some stupid s--- that went down this morning and while it wasn't literally a big deal it was the context that caught me from an odd angle. I can understand how people would take this thread in the directions they have an apply one understanding or another to it, I think as I look at things I really just get shook up like that when I'm in a situation where something happens and I have a hard time not owning it to a degree.

Oh man... I'm feeling silly... I've taken this thread all sorts of places.
here's what i was going to post but I couldn't make it through a minute ago...

=======

Wow! I missed that part of Drac's post... funny, huh?.. how people can talk s**t without experience.

Hey Dracula.. ever been to prison? Where at? What unit?

Everytime someone talks s**t about prison you can tell right away if they've ever been in or even had a close relative inside.
They always find a way to bring up the prison rape stuff.
It's a little weird how many people seem to fixate on that when the talk turns to prison.
I doubt too many folks here really know, first-hand or second-hand what it's all about.

Buying a gun seems to be another easy load of bs to throw out.
As if the mere fact that you buy a gun transforms your life.

Tech, you made this comment...


Are you still talking about fighting here or something different like when a family member 'flips out' during a crises and you can't think of what to do for them or just can't make yourself take action.

It all goes back to conditioning the mind through training and experience... I'm serious.

Perhaps you can try this... contact your local police department and/or sheriff's department.
I do know that in some cities, they will allow a 'ride-a-long' with an officer for a civilian.
If you do get that opportunity, you should take it.
When you're riding along, you can ask some of these same questions of the officer you are with.
Make sure you present them in the way of you wanting advice based upon real-world experience.

It does help if you know a cop or deputy, or have some distant connection to one.. say through a family member or friend.

I'm serious about this... it's a chance to ride along and get a taste of the kinds of people and incidents cops deal with.
It's also a chance to speak to an authority on the subject of incident stress, instead of dealing with bs like the stuff Dracula posted about buying a gun, being weak, going to prison, etc.

Maybe you can arrange to shadow someone in an Emergency Room or maybe the EMS system there allows ride-a-longs (although in my experience in Texas, ride-a-longs with EMS or Fire Departments are very rare compared to Police Departments).======

Since I'm getting this all messed up, if you want to PM me and talk about this morning's event, I'd be happy to listen.
If you do this and my repsone sounds like preaching or mindless/useless banter, just let me know... okay?

Nah, its not a dangerous situation. I think for me its like some of my other friends I've known in the past as well.

I'll give an analogy here. One of my best friends back in the day was pretty good at kick boxing, knew how to throw a punch, knew how to block, had that kind of anger that he'd easily bust up knuckles on things when he got mad, but when the social element came in and if someone tried to beef with him, unless they took it to the physical, he was easily sketched and would almost slink away unless they immediately brought it to blows.

One day he was at work, at a local restaurant, and he'd been there forever. Mind you, he was in with the stoner raver crowd (as I was), had a lot of harder edged friends, did a lot of partying and dealing as well - maybe not the most testosterone driven guy but not particularly a wimp or an un lived either (again, similar to myself in a lot of aspects). One of the guys who worked there who was about 240 or 250, some middle-aged guy who everyone knows not to mess with, totally gave him the 5th degree, enough to where he either felt like he was going to break into tears or slightly did. The reason I mentioned the second part, just to drive home the fact that it was something pretty over the top and everyone else in the store couldn't even bring themselves to look at him for another minute just because they felt that bad for him.

I think that's more the scenario I'm really getting at. Yeah, physical fighting is good at desensitizing you for fighting, still its easy to feel really disgusted with yourself, no matter who it is, when another guy or anyone for that matter can phase you emotionally like that - and for me its easiest when I have a bit of ownership over why they're tweeking on me, and especially in the past when things are honest mistakes thats when your actually in a position where you'll have that sort of internal breakdown.

That's where I get really bugged, I'd think that if I were to really rise up to the level, if that thing were to happen, I could stay at that person's size and deal with them and even get just as buck about it if need be rather than having them tower over me and rain brimstone. The reason I also brought women up, they're GREAT at this technique. Like the friend I mentioned, if you were messed with as a kid and took it personally - no matter how much you've improved, when people try to come down on you like that it brings back the worst self-talks you've ever had with yourself or the worst crap that may have been thrown at you by schoolmates, teachers, maybe a macho relative who meant to help your parents by toughening you up.

I tried to avoid that stuff as much as I could, not out of weakness but more a philosophy that if I had my head on straight and was doing well with my AS, wasn't acting fruity in the social sense, knew how to talk to people or put on a good amount of guile in my front, that I was above catching that crap. Of course I found out quick that my philosophy on that was real naive, but still for some reason - the logic was there but the emotional connection of ideas took a good while longer. Now I'm just really pissed that my emotions can shake me up like that.

(edit: maybe too much personal info dropped on someone)

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 31 Dec 2007, 2:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I did some martial arts time. The greatest caution must be used to not hurt your sparing partner.

It is the opposite of what most think, but it gets fast, and while it still takes speed to deliver a blow, it had better hit like a marshmellow.

Besides that, it was goggles, vasoline, for it is fast, and errors are made.

First it is control of self, and it does tie together inner and outer.

First comes the Soft School, pure defense, never striking back, but deflecting every blow.

The goal is to tire your attacker, and conserve your energy.

Next is helping your opponant hurt themselves. You block, deflect, but add a little tug on their shirt, and they moving forward, off balance, are suddenly three steps away, and you are behind them. It is how to cause people to run into walls, lamp posts.

It is a dance, and you learn the magic it takes just to stand, which all comes apart when people try to move, or hit. About 90% of the time a little tug in the right direction, and they hit the floor or the far wall.

This is the women's school, how a smaller weaker person can avoid being hurt, while tiring, frustrating, and causing an attacker to harm themselves.

This is all I have ever used, gaining control of an opponant. When you can counter their best, and control them, they suddenly change their mind.

Caution must be used in learning, for once you have them in the air you can snap them like a whip.

Then comes the Mens's school, attack through defense, using all of the above, and delivering blows that can kill. This is the only time I ever fought anyone who could fight, who knew all my tricks, and how to counter them. Slipping a blow through, then stopping.

The problem is it is fast, both are moving, and an inch is a long way. Finding good sparing partners is hard. Most are much better, instructers, who can defend. When you can block everything they throw, and continue an attack, for three minutes, there is not much on this earth that could stand up to you.

I am sure it works, I have never used it.

I have only used the Woman's school, and that rarely. It was not about killing, it was only dominance, and then stop. I trained to fight and kill three men, it has never happened. I am now old, have not trained, and would defend or attack at anytime.

It is not about strength, but about reading body motion. Women, children, old people can do it. Trained fighters do not attack, they all wait till the other person does, and then use it against them.

A somewhat comic version is shown in old Bruce Lee movies. He blocks, redirects, and attacks as needed. He does not go after someone who he tosses, but does his clowning rooster walk, till they get up, and try it again, or run. He shows the psychology of control, and stealing the heart of the your opponant. They have made an error of judgement, and he gives them time to understand it.

Each time they attack it hurts more, and he is still only blocking and defending, and redirecting.

On this planet, a good knowledge of firearms is useful, and Kimber makes the smoothest triggers I have ever used. A firearm is serious, in the middle of a gun fight, you still have to think about where each round is going. It can go a block, through two walls, and hit some kid watching TV.

Combat shooting is a messy business. You have to be fast, accurate, aware of your surrounding, during a loud, stressful, time. You have to find a calm spot on the midst of horror, and make sure you do not make it worse. Anyone worth shooting is worth killing.

There are very limited times when you can shoot. A burgler leaving your house with your stero cannot be shot, unless he pulls a gun. Guns are the most stolen items from houses and cars. Owning one means learning how to use it, being responsable for it, keeping it out of the wrong hands, and having a full knowledge of the destructive power.

I live in a very safe neighborhood, and one night while watching Startrek, two guys took the screens off my houes, and tried to get in the windows. They were painted shut. A neighbor saw them, the police caught them, but after that I got a gun. Home invasion robbery is becoming more common. The last guy that got killed around here was a cop, at home, same deal.

The future does not look to cheerful. Here in New Orleans, have two weeks of food and water, and a gun. Strange stuff happens, and you have to be prepared to wait it out.

Between the two, martial arts is always with you, always ready. But if three guys with guns smash in your door, Kung Fu is not going to work.

I would say you are at the age where we discover what a dangerous rotten world we live in, and start backing away from it. Most folks find a defendable place and cocoon. They stop going to clubs, bars, and get off the street. You notice the sliding glass doors to the deck have two screws on the outside, and it would take two minutes to take down the door.

When you get that 42" Plasma screen, the box does not get put out with the garbage, it gets dumped in a dumpster somewhere else. Welcome to the adult world, it sucks.

Tech, the way you answered "dracula" shows you have some core strength. Plus, it was funny.

I think what Mac is saying is exactly what you're looking for. That ability to maintain control in a tough situation. Martial arts is a good way of getting control of your mind, focusing it. He's posted some good advice.

The only thing I would add is: come up with what it means to be a man to YOU. Not what you've been indoctrinated with. Question the whole concept, and decide what's important to you. Those men in my life who I would consider exceptional aren't or weren't macho looking, in particulary buff shape, or exuded the strong silent type image. They only got into fights others started, and did their best to stop them. They had their own interests, and didn't care if it was football or furniture design. Do what's true to you.

Metta, Rjaye.

Very good advice and very true.

I still think though, even at my age and with as much as I've wisened up, I still struggle with that notion (the one I prefer) vs. what society seems to use as a control channel and really narrow your rights to various things with. I just wrote a lengthy post on "Can shyness be attractive" in the love and dating folder a few pages in which kinda details what I think having these huge societal norms sledge-hammering us to dust all day does. Then again, even saying that, I could be right back to thinking the same way next week - I'd just want to remind myself of this because the more you go through in life the more wisdom you gain and it helps one to take a well centered and healthy middle-rout.

Tech, I think the biggest problem we have is not accepting who we really are, and that we are perfectly fine that way. We work on our dysfunctional bits, learning how to cope with them, but ultimately there is nothing wrong with our true natures.

It's too much work trying to fit some cultural expectations. Wears me out. And dang, I hate it when I see guys working at trying to fit some idea of maleness that is unreasonable, stultifying, and unreal.

My mother gave me a mug when I was just out of college that said, "Don't let the bastards get you down."

I try to keep that in mind. Doesn't work all the time, but I pass it on. Life's too short.

Metta, R.

Sounds like you should take a karate class. Seriously. I never have, but I've had private lessons, broken boards, etc, but that actually sounds like it might be the kind of personal, physical education you're looking for: coming to terms with your internal reactions to physical attacks, and learning to hone and control them into measured counterattack reactions, thus discovering an aspect of who you are, both as a person and, more specifically, as a man. Karate classes are "controlled violence", even though applying the term "violence" may, to some, be too strong a word for a mere class in controlled, violent defense. I mean, it's not a fight club. And it's not an "Ultimate Fighter" cage match, where there are no rules at all. Karate classes are mild, compared to all-out violence. (So, ya, you'd be a wuss if you were scared to take one. Just being honest.) You're saying you don't want to be physically destroyed, you just want to be approached, challenged, and made to show what you're made of. I think the class is a good idea. I've thought of taking one several times myself. Usually don't have the money, though. It teaches a special kind of respect, too. Both for those who whip your ass, and for yourself when you beat an opponent.