me with my stupid relationship problems again.....

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hi,

it sounds like a really poisonous relationship. i wouldn't listen to anyone or give up on my hopes when i was in one, so i have little hope for this message, but maybe it'll get you wondering. there's much much better out there, and you'll never find it while you're emotionally tied up with this guy (cheating on him won't let you leave the emotions behind, that doesn't count as getting out there and looking for someone new). you need to break and have a hard time getting over him, then when he's ancient history, look for someone you can always trust.

the ones who apologise and promise to make a new start and be good to you, and have good reasons for behaviour that made you feel horrible are the hardest to get away from, but the most poisonous. good luck, i hope things turn out well for you.

Inventor: The plans to reopen SHFL were submitted today.
We are not stalled out..it just takes a stinking long time when you have to reclassify a building...it can feel like being stalled out and maybe we could have been doing more during all this time, but we are moving...the bureacracy works at a snails pace.
I might be an unemployable misfit....but Flakey has been working 3 jobs....your take on things does have some some glimmers of truth, but that is not exactly how it is...

Amaren: I left Flakey in the past...and that was after he had cheated on me only once, long before..and had just flirted with several women over the years..while jabbing at me about polygamy... I ended up in a relationship with a guy who said he would never cheat on me....and it was awful. He was crazy-jealous and intolerant of some virtually uncontrollable aspects of my personality...and it was like being a rat trapped in a cage....And furthermore, I have been in a few other long-term relationships....and all of them have had their problems....many of which surpassed the problems I have in this relationship. In most ways, I get along with Flakey better than i have ever..or could ever hope to get along with anyone..in terms of our understanding of each other.
Starting from scratch means running the risk of winding up in another relationship with it's whole other set of problems.

good luck PPL.

i think u two should just be friends... but then... i'm kinda crazy and unsuccessful in this department myself... so i cant really give advice

The thing is that we are friends.

We are in general, mutually two of the only people that either of us really get along with...when he his not pulling crazy wreckless hurtful stunts..

I guess that since we aren't normal people..and we can't always expect to have a normal relationship..

After a relationship withstands a certain number of blows, a sorta numbess over certain things sets in....

He just needs to learn that he can't take advantage of me and take me for granted

...like me...it really does take alot for certain concepts to sink in for him....

He was not operating out of malice..or cockyness...or what-have-you...but there was a certain level of mindlessness happening....he is like a hurricane when he is drunk...

Glad it does not happen all the time.

SHFL, I am glad to hear you have overcome your keepers. The zoning process is slow, but you will get there. It is a great and valuable service you provide to many.

You are the overall purpose that keeps some different and divergant people working together. Hope to see your doors open soon.

Once you are running, perhaps you could fund a little quite apartment for that PLS. if just for a month or two. She should tell no one, and and get some rest, sleep, and have a bit of the world centered on only her. She will still come to work, but I think this all day every day is wearing on her, and just for hours a day of recovery, she would become a better person.

She is just a human, and they do not treat themselves very well.

Your friend,

Inventor

In other words, give Flakey the beatdown.

He claims to have been beaten up by every woman he has ever dated....go figure....

It's better not to be in a relationship than to be in the wrong one. Maybe you just need some time apart for him to realize how much he appreciates you.

*Shrug*

I don't know what kind of advice you want. These problems are super difficult. Maybe seek therapy?

I don't understand.

He's walking all over you. You make up excuses for him.

What are people supposed to say about it when you keep making up excuses for him? He should be greatful you are there for him.

Instead, he's abusing that.

I agree :S But its not that easy for her. She needs help :S But what kind of help....

Maybe ask him what he really wants in the relationship, and set guidelines?

Anything anyone could possibly tell her is an easier said than done situation.

I think maybe PLS was just under more distress during writing the topic because he was probably out of town and yeah that does suck when it's going on.

I can relate to feeling horrible for even letting things bother you like that so you just want to de-sensitize yourself from someone else in order to deal with feeling let down but it just doesn't happen unless you fall out of love with the person.

Lay down the law, Lungstuffing!

i think they're both very dependent personalities... which doesnt help... when one's an a**hole

yep...this was the case....i was under distress, and then when it blew over, I started defending him.

He has been on his best behaviour since Sunday early-afternoon when he crawled home and i threatened to leave him again....

I don't think becoming more desensitised means falling out of love...it just means kinda changing the definition of our relationship...
I still get upset when he goes on the town...I stll fret over his possible cheating on me and the lack of trust blah blah blah......but....i dunnow mhat my point is.....

anyway...

Ahh what I meant about desensitization for me anyway is there have been times where I felt that way too and I wanted to stop caring and wanted to just feel the same way to the person I was with as I did others because I don't like the extreme emotions I can feel at times.

The only way I could do it is if I fell out of love. I would try that thinking I could do it but it's rather hard when you love the person.

The best relationship I've had is not having the extreme emotions and despair over trust issues.

Turns out we have a great understanding of each other. Unspoken understanding.

I do remember what it felt like when first trying this relationship thing and had someone do what they are doing to you. How the person makes you really upset over trust issues and you find your significant other out doing his own thing and you are at home in despair not knowing if he is out with his new girl.

I was 18 at the time but it was really hard to let go and I'd make up excuses and feel bad for even mentioning anything about him that upset me. I felt guilty for bringing up his bad points because he had alot of good points too.

In the end, I had to let him go. It took months and months to get over him. I replace sadness with anger at times. Anger at myself for feeling that pain. Anger at the other person for giving me that pain.

I've made up excuses for so long regarding other people's disregard that it became an unhealthy beating of my own self when those other people prompted the downward feelings. It wasn't just all me.

I used to forgive just to see what would happen. If anything, it taught me more about people. There's always a bright side.

Don't worry. If the time comes life may sail you to a new direction.