any ideas on how to make life 'happier'?

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There's a LOT of truth in that. The purpose-filled life is joyous and fulfilling. Nothing is causing of more despair than the feeling of having no purpose in life. Believe me, I know.

Stinkypuppy, the problem for me is that there's so much i want to do and so many ambitions i want to complete yet i can't do anything because of my location and situation, every day i see something on the telly or in a book that i think would be great for me yet i can't see myself doing any of it, either because it would take years of work before anyone would consider taking me on (such as becoming a reporter or teacher) or because i wont be able to get there thanks to living in a village with nothing around for miles.

most of the time what i want is too unrealistic yet i still dream of it every day, if i was given the chance to become a scientist, philosopher, musician, novelist, or designer i'd take it any day but if i was given the choice to go for any of them (such as a college course) i wouldn't be able to pick any because i'd wonder and worry about another would be un-picked course.

i feel motivated enough to do something but it feels like there isn't anything to do.



garyww, i was given the oppertunity to move out into a supported lodging but i couldn't manage it, even though i would love to move out and meet new people there still seems to be an anxiety that only takes over at the last second. camping/hiking/rock climbing is something i've always wanted to do but once again it seems like it wont be possible for me, there's so much that needs to be done before even getting started and the first step is something i can't manage.



zghost, if there was something to be busy with i'd do it. earlier tonight i realised that i gave up an online game quite cose to when my anxiety started getting worse, i'mnot sure if it's related but it makes sense as i spent every minute i was awake thinking about that game whereas now all i think about is either my health or the thought of my life going nowhere.

Ah ok, so you do have the goals. Awesome! I'm wondering now, are you having the worry that you will make the wrong decision (like in the example you gave about the college course), thus perhaps wasting a lot of time and potentially a large chunk of your finite life?

If so, try not to see things that way. Think of whatever you do from this point on as a learning experience. Try making your goal to keep learning, to keep improving yourself. It doesn't mean that you have to end up super successful in whatever you do, it doesn't mean you have to be the very best in that job either. And of course, whatever path you pick doesn't mean you have to do that for the rest of your life. It's perfectly ok to try something out and, if you don't like it, try something else. It doesn't mean that all the time spent doing what you did before got wasted. On the contrary, there are always skills that you pick up from one field that you can apply to the next field, even if the two areas are only distantly related.

Here in the US we've got a fairly extensive system of community colleges and even classes offered to the public by small towns that offer intro classes to a variety of fields, and many people here take them for their own enrichment, and also just to figure out what they want to do with their lives. Learning is a lifelong process. I've met a lot of older folks in those classes just trying out a new field because they got tired of the old one they had been in for years. Nothing wrong with that at all, nothing wrong with being more well-rounded. It gives you a three-dimensional understanding of how quite disparate aspects of our world really do fit together in such fundamentally important ways, and an understanding you wouldn't be able to get by just focusing on one thing for your entire life.

Besides, learning can be quite fun.

If your anxiety issues may be due to perhaps a lack of a role model in a particular field of interest (as I've gotten a lot of motivation from role models and... anti-role models, helped make my paths clearer and gave me better focus)... hmm that's gonna be more difficult...

Last edited by Stinkypuppy on 11 Dec 2008, 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I say that to become more social and remain comfortable, talk to and meet people on this site. For dating try aspieaffection.com.

"Formula for our happiness: a Yes, a No, a straight line, a goal

What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness.

What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome.

Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness (Renaissance virtue, virtu, virtue that is moraline-free).

The weak and the failures shall perish: first principle of our love of man. And they shall even be given every possible assistance.

What is more harmful than any vice? Active pity for all the failures and all the weak: Christianity."

Your expectations in life are unrealistic so it's no wonder you're feeling crap. Lower them. Do something creative, a hobby that can empower you. What about something in art and/or music? Why not learn more about the science of autism and try and help yourself and those with more severe autism? ... just some ideas

If you have a disability, the idea of happiness is so foreign. How can we be happy when those who are on dis cannot even particiapte in human rights, such as marriage or proper health care?

I admire you for trying and seeking........but I have forgotten what happiness even begins to feel like. In fact, I have forgotten what it is like to live in any other way than some poor unfortunate soul in the ancient Roman world where things like regualr food and access to decency are blocked.

Once in a while someone might stoop to give me a piece of bread, but usually it's the usual. Kicks to the chops and then disgust that I am bleeding.

Even the great masters of reason and religion would find it difficulty to be Zen like in these conditions.

If I could adopt radical Budhism, yes, if I could watch as the worms begin to eat my flesh in the dark prison- if I could feel them gnawing away an d simply watch their slick bodies feasting and watch detatchedly......sure then I could be happy.

Yes, Tich Nacht Hahn et al has many nice words to say that can see me through a night...but a lifetime of idleness and uselessness? Being forced to do nothing in the prie of passion and reason?

I would invite any god, man or woman to try to live this life and remian sane, let alone seek happiness.

There's a lot of negativity in this thread. I can understand it.
But you've got to do your best to be optimistic. Negativity breeds negativity and I don't agree with fostering one's depression in such a way. It seems self defeating to me. Aspie or not, the world owes us nothing. Diffability or not, some people's lives are harder than others, so you play the hand you've been dealt and smile.
Easier said than done, of course. But try little things. Diet is a big cause of depression, so get some exercise and eat good food. Pick a current interest and develop it into a hobby, but keep your intentions pretty short term with it, its easy to get caught up in what will happen in the future - the future will sort itself out if you take care of now. If it turns out to be something you're passionate about then great. If not, pick something else.

No they wouldn't. Being zen isn't about being happy - happiness is just chemistry.

Ben,

THank you but I don't need advice. I don't come here for that. The haven is to vent.

Believe me, you have no idea what you are talking about when it comes to anyone's life but your own.

No disrespect but your ideas are great for you but you don't know me at all.

I appreciate your pointing out the negativity. However psychologists have discovered that if you are negative and fake being chipper you are not doing yoruself any good. If you are negative, be negative. I am not going to damage my brain for the sake of making someone else feel good.

But thanks for the responses. You are a good and lucky soul.

Well-said, well-said. I verily agree.

when i posted this topic i was hoping for something positive, even if it was presented in a harsh 'kick up the backside' way, but as some of you have said there is a bit more negativity than i was hoping for.

i tried the impulsive/spontaneous route by writing my phone number and telling myself i'd give it to some girl just to give myself something different to do and yet the oppertunity never arose, when i went to get the bus into town i gave the piece of paper to my brother and asked him if he could give it out to someone which i regreted after i returned home.

i have so many interests yet there doesn't seem to be time for any of them even though i hardly do anything these days, i think the major problem is my lack of energy and feeling like i'm dying or going insane isn't helping much.

what i want is a hobby, something that can mount up to something so i don't feel like i've wasted my time but that could be a major source of my problems. i used to play tribalwars (an online game) and i didn't feel as lost during because i didn't have the time to thanks to becoming very absorbed in it. recently i gave it up because i thought i was going to be disconnected to the internet and since i haven't bothered starting up because i know i'll get far and have to quit for another reason.



the advice so far is appreciated but i'm not sure how much it can help me in my situation, after all everyone's unique right?
i'm going to take what everyone's said so far and make a few bullet points and questions to ask different people, some of what's been said i've already thought of but other subject that have come up are new new to me, and i'm hoping everything can help me, or at least someone else in a similar situation.

in three months time my situation may change quite a bit, i might still be where i am or i could be in college, working, or something similar. i'm working with a 'pathways to work' program and a youth facility which could get me into a college for those with aspergers and similar ailments.

if i were given a pen and paper i wouldn't know what to do. if i were told to draw a picture my mind would be blank. if i were asked to draw a picture of something that meant a lot to me i'd see no clearer. if i were told to draw a picture of a tree, i'd be able to draw a picture of a tree.
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this is the best way to describe my method of thought, i have so much going through my mind it's hard to focus on just one thing unless someone mentions something first. i hope this gives you some insight and helps you to help me.

Good luck with your pursuit of happiness, familiar_stranger. Our life-situations are quite similar, you & I, and I have gone through the boredom and existential angst which you are currently struggling with.

Indeed, we all have our unique experiences and so with that in mind, nobody except you can truly understand your unique situation. We don't live your life, we don't live where you do, nor have the memories and experiences you do. When people offer help and suggestions, they themselves are limited by what they can relate to from their own memories and experiences. We try our best, and I apologize in advance if you do not feel our help or suggestions are sufficient for your needs. If there is something you think we do not understand, all I can ask for is to keep communicating... that way you won't need to be alone to figure things out if you don't want to be such.

Alright, so... what I had interpreted in your earlier message, before my messages, was "I want a hobby", so I made some suggestions of how to find a hobby. However, you said before (and you repeat now) that you "have so many interests" that it seems like although you "want a hobby", that's not the root of the problem, is it? I agree totally with you, when you said "I think the major problem is my lack of energy and feeling like I'm dying," etc.. And I think if we nail that problem down, then we can see if you'll still be worrying about getting a hobby!

Now how to go about dealing with this problem? You've mentioned your anxiety issues before, and it's fairly easy to link this anxiety with your perceived lack of energy and motivation. The new part that I'd like to bring up now, is where you said earlier, "... every day I see something on the telly or in a book that I think would be great for me yet I can't see myself doing any of it, either because it would take years of work before anyone would consider taking me on (such as becoming a reporter or teacher)..." When I read this earlier, it made me think that part of your anxiety might be a worry that what you do (or even who you are as an adult) may not be considered good enough by somebody in a position of authority over you. Is that true, do you have that worry? Please let me know if you think I'm reading too much into what you said here.

Do you have anybody who is proud of you? If not... do you feel like you want such a person in your life? Do you want to feel appreciated, to feel useful, to feel needed?

Should you decide to try to figure something over the next few months, I wish you the best of luck with everything! And definitely feel free to come back to WP when you feel you need to do so. I started off this message talking about trying to draw from our own past experiences to help others, because I feel I've had to help somebody in your position before... though I didn't fully understand it at the time. Heck I have AS, you gotta hit me over the head for me to figure things out, heh! My AS friend was 16-17 at that time... so not that far off from your age now. He had a lot of interests, and was very intelligent... but was addicted to video games because he was so anxious at the thought of even trying anything else. I developed a friendship with him and I became one of the very few people he felt he could trust, as I always listened to his worries and took him seriously and helped him out as best I could at the time. Sigh... I remember one time I told him I was proud of him and that he deserved all the best in life. He seemed very surprised, as though he didn't really believe he did. But maybe I guess he just needed to hear that from somebody else whom he trusted and respected. Suffice it to say, I don't talk to him so much anymore these days, because he broke his video game addiction and goes to college now. He feels his future a lot brighter than it was before, more confident about simply just getting out there and not worrying about making mistakes, since he knows that even if he makes mistakes, I'll still be his friend and ready to defend him if needed.

yep.

watching cartoons make me feel better.

We walk our own paths. All the best on yours.
I'm not suggesting you fake happiness, rather that you find a positive spin for everything you can.



familiar stranger, sounds like you'd do really well in a college/university environment. It might even help you work out what you want to do with your life, and it will get you out into a larger community with all the opportunities for work/socialising that entails. I won't tell you it'll be easy (I personally moved from a pretty rural environment to an urban one just over a year ago) but it'll make you stronger

i don't really have anyone that's proud of me but i can understand that as i haven't done anything to be proud of, i have no qualifications and spend almost every second of my life at home too afraid to go outside or do what everyone else classes as normal. i know there's a chance i could end up in a decent well paid job or in a relationship someday but no one seemss to think i'd manage a normal life, and i'm starting to agree that i'll always need support in life which makes me feel trapped. this is another problem i have, before i was happier because i looked forward days, weeks, months, and years ahead and saw a positive outcome, now i find it hard to see what'll happen next week and it feels like only the negative will take place now.

i've always been an academic type and after talking to my youth/keyworker about joining this website she believed i need that sort of environment that mixes socialising and education and now that i'm older i might be able to manage it better. i hope you're right about it making me stronger Benjamming as it'll make a decent change from feeling weak all the time.

i'm on a waiting list for CBT (cognitive behavial therapy) Stinkypuppy so my anxiety should be under control sometime soon, i hope so anyway. the major worry i have is that i'll never be good enugh for myself let alone anyone else, i've always been told i'd get far in life and i believed it and let myself become deluded enough to be happy, now however if i'm anything less than perfect or not on the route i don't feel good enough.

You're being way too hard on yourself. I'm sure you've got a better head on your shoulders than you give yourself credit for.

The fact that you said, "if I'm anything less than perfect or not on the route I don't feel good enough" tells me that you expect too much out of yourself. Despite the worrying and anxiety, you've been "on the route" much more than you think you have. Everybody needs time out to take a good deal of soul-searching, so what you're doing now is actually not all that bad or strange or surprising, especially for a young adult like you. Those people who always seem to know exactly what they want simply have their lives on auto-pilot, and aren't thinking as much as they could have about other things they can do with their lives. It's a relatively narrow way of approaching the world. I'm not sure that way would be so great either.

True, you may always need support in life, but that doesn't mean it has to be a lot of support. I love the feeling of being independent, but when I have a meltdown every few months, I'm pretty much screwed for months on end if I don't get support from somebody else. So yeah there is kind of a "damned if you do (get support from others), damned if you don't" going on. It makes me wonder if in the end we have to swallow our pride, admitting that we don't know everything and can't do everything, and we need others to help learn and grow and become more independent. What I do is try to do as much as I can by myself in just about everything I do, and when I'm struggling, that's when I turn to somebody else for help. And it's ok to do that.

Good luck with the CBT! You may feel like you're not good enough for yourself right now, but you're a lot better than you think you are. You have more qualifications than you think you do, you just may not realize that yet. Every moment you are learning and growing adds to your qualifications, and it's not like you stopped learning and growing now. You're soul-searching. You're discovering who you are. What learning and growing process excludes that?