Hiding yourself

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I've never told friends when I've felt down. The only person I ever tell is my mother.

I actually found dealing with my Mom to be fairly difficult, if only because she asks uncomfortable questions and starts calling me constantly like I'm on suicide watch or something. I didn't respond to a voicemail for a weekend and suddenly she and my Grandma were talking about coming over here to make sure I wasn't dead.

Those words sum up my life.




*rant deleted*

Last edited by alba on 21 Feb 2009, 9:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

same deal here. Or offers to make the appointment and drive me to the doctors to get antidepressants....really must tell her they cut the umbilical cord, I can breathe independently (and unlike her,no matter what, I've never missed a mortgage payment....miaow )

I'm also finding, as evidenced by her visit a few minutes ago, that she doesn't "believe" some of the things I tell her until I'm at the extreme of worrying about self-injury, being non-functional, etc. All of a sudden, she's back to her initial, "I always thought you had ADD."

Sure, Mom. It's just ADD, laziness, and me dwelling on things too much. This from someone who thought helping me was handing me a dayplanner, enrolling me in Sylvan Learning Center, and having my general MD give me antidepressants. What a surprise when none of it changed anything.

oh heck yes. And "moping" is a conscious choice....as is "stressing", because we choose to do these things.....

I always hide myself. I can never be myself.. I feel uncomfortable around everyone even if it's just a radom person 10 ft away. I'm not actually sure I remember myself any more.

Yep. It's frustrating, because I need some kind of support from the few people around me, but it always turns into me being put on the defensive and having to justify my feelings, perceptions, and memories. I remember childhood as filled with my parents constantly screaming at each other, my Dad reeking of alcohol and being gone until very late (and plucking him out of DUI when I was around age 7), kids harassing me incessantly from day one, being shy, being forced to repeat kindergarten because I wasn't socially interactive enough, teachers telling me I was sarcastic and negative and in one case, that I had nothing to contribute, etc. My Mom considers none of that because I wasn't beaten and my Dad bought me toys when he would come home late (drunk or high, but that's a non-issue to her because he didn't do it in front of me). So in her mind, my childhood was fine and it's all me just twisting things around to make myself out to be a victim, being lazy, and not paying attention.

I'm 28 f*****g years old and am effectively being told that my failed life is the result of a choice I made to suck at life.

I just LOVE when Mom comes to visit!

That is a raw deal, Irikarah. My childhood wasn't hellish, just that I was very overlooked, and post-diagnosis, my mother has decided to overcompensate for not being around much/being oblivious when I was a child.Not that she completley treats me as a baby, but I may get rollerskates for christmas if I'm good I do have many happy memories of sitting outside betting shops for ages with a packet of sweets, while my dad gambled with her wages though...