Do you find it hard to get dates?

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OMG!When I was I was single..it was impossible! I would go to nightclubs with my NT girlfriends and it was like there was the "invisa-shield" around me that kept men from approaching me.I don't know how to put that "vibe"out to men nor am I able to flirt.I met my husband through the internet but even that took a year to come to fruition as far as meeting each other.And that was purely a one in a million thing! What's funny...is that he has AS qualities and even says that he thinks he may have a degree of AS.He is very much a hermit and we enjoy being at home more than anywhere else.But prior to meeting him...it was a disaster and so were the men I dated!! !

I never have problems getting dates, I have problems wanting them (not that I've done that in quite some time anyway). Either I think it will work or I don't and if I don't, I'm not going to be bothered. I was never a successful dater because I thought it was a waste of my time and I'm pretty antisocial. The reason I had no problem getting the dates is because I'm attractive to men physically and men don't really ask for first dates based on personality (according to my male friends and brothers and I tend to agree), so they aren't going to stop and think about the fact that if I think they are boring, I will tell them and walk out. Actually, that's pretty amusing when I think about the number of them who were warned about how rude I was before they went out with me and then were surprised when it happened to them. Honestly, the whole date thing is just traumatizing to me and rarely worth it.

I lucked out by meeting my husband through an old boyfriend. He said, I found the perfect man for you. He did. I don't know what would have happened otherwise. I wasn't particularly bothered by the idea of being alone. I was more bothered by the idea of having someone around all the time making noise, moving things around or, God forbid, being emotionally demanding. I'm sure that would just make me walk out.

The way most people "date" is unnatural to me. I've had around 20 boyfriends since I was 11 (I'm 23 now), but I've only been on a few "dates." My last date was a horrible experience, because it felt too much like an interview. The guy asked me to "Tell him about myself", and I had no idea what to say. Apparently, most people want an "interview" for a date, which is beyond me. The boyfriend I have now is someone I've never been on a date with. We just started hanging out and went from there. Almost all, if not all, of my boyfriends have started out that way.

I went through dry spells where I had sexual encounters but no one who wanted commitment. These times were frustrating for me, and I didn't understand that many of my actions were making guys think I was "easy" and not "girlfriend material." Some (if not most) males are idiots that way. During my dry spells I realized I have bisexual tendencies, but I think females are harder for me to flirt with than males. (I don't know what to do with someone who has a brain with the same female complexities as mine). If I were a straight guy, I'd be up s*** creek without a paddle!

I am still waiting to be assessed for AS so I don't know whether or not my views on this subject are valid for inclusion in this thread.

I am 24 years old and reasonably physically attractive (so I've been told, at least) and tend to hang around in "geek"/gamer circles. In my experience, I can usually find lots of guys who want to sleep with me, to the point that I've been put off casual dating as I don't have much of a sex drive due to past bad experiences and have difficulty distinguishing between "I really, really like you and I'm excited about the prospect of having a girlfriend" and "I'm being nice to you and acting like you're something wonderful because I want to f**k you". My life is emotionally exhausting as it is and I don't fancy the prospect of a series of short-term flings looking for "Mr Right". I also don't want to have to deal with the social fallout from this sort of behaviour, as my social group is small and I don't want it getting smaller. The one long term relationship I've had with someone I actually had strong feelings for at the start of the relationship underwent a painfully protracted death due to mutual incompetance.

The normal state of affairs for me is that I find someone who I really love, try to be friends with them without stalking them and either never have the nerve to ask them out, never find the right words or the right moment to ask them out, or I manage to ask them out and find they're not interested. I hate this, but I don't know how to fix it- there must be some sort of method to prevent, kill or transfer these feelings to someone who actually wants to be with me. If I could do this I'd probably be in a happy relationship. Instead, six months ago I developed feelings for one of my male friends which still haven't gone away. I did manage to ask him out but he wasn't interested- he said I'm not the girl he's looking for because I don't know how to give him confidence. Not being able to get a date would be a thousand times better than hanging around with someone I love knowing full well that he'll never want me, whilst at the same time being surrounded by guys who'd probably quite like to go out with me if I was able to destroy the feelings I have for my friend. I hate my life.

So yes, dating and relationships are very difficult for me, just not from the point of view of "getting dates", which seems to me to be an oversimplistic measure of romantic competance.

It's not hard for me to get date-dates or just-for-fun-dates...BUT I find it hard to get into a serious relationship.


-SpaceCase

I have an impossible time trying to get men I find attractive interested in me. My standards aren't really impossible to meet, and in thinking about it, I had a revelation about the guys on this board who are so convinced they are being tortured by the women on this planet.

They're trying to connect with the wrong women. They are trying to play a game with a group of people who are supposedly the norm but who are mundane, come with a whole set of social expectations, and who are socially capable. They haven't a chance, because they don't know how to play the game, and when they learn to play the game, can't play it well enough to keep up. And if they do get lucky, and get close, they run the risk of getting burned because in a very real sense they aren't really being true to themselves. They have a different set of expectations.

They assume all women get hit on three, four, or more times a day (yeah, right), and therefore just have to weed out the "losers." There's a good number of women who hardly get "hit on," if at all, especially AS women. A good number of AS women don't send out the right vibes, just like the guys, and a lot of our behaviors are confusing to NT's.

My problem is that I get hit on by totally inappropriate people. Why do older men think it's cool to hit on younger women-fifteen or more years younger? This seems to be my lot in life. The last thing I want to do is get involved with someone and end up taking care of them in their old age.

I'm just glad I'm bi. I attract a way better class of female than male.

All of us with AS have extra problems in this area.

Metta, Jaye

I have a solution: http://www.cafepress.com/00ps.20236522

I'm 19 years old and I've never had a date of any kind. I consider myself kinda pretty, positively not a supermodel candidate, but a good normal. However, I don't know what happens, but I don't raise a lot of male attention, and my problem doubles since I'm not popular, but I'm not a geek either, so I don't fit there...

I don't find it difficult to get a date.



However I am allergic to the actual "date" itself.

I get so anxious beforehand that I want to and sometimes do throw up. And anything in my digestive system gets forcibly expelled. It really isn't pleasant. So I do my best to try to make the first few "just us" outings as un-date-like as possible. Like a quick coffee somewhere public, or something that requies a lot of distracting concentration like a bike ride, or doing something that has lots of things to talk about besides me (or him). Ie I feel a lot better when me and the guy are friends, ideally good friends first. Unfortunately most guys (and some girls) seem to think that dating would ruin a good friendship. They also think that if the guy has become the "good friend" he will never be "boyfriend" material. Yes, this could be true, but if it is true, you never go on a "date". If you do think you could take the friendship up to "lover" level then you might try a date - and then I get all anxious anticipating what might happen at the end of the date.

i don't understand the date-concept,
boys/men are everywhere and they just come to talk to me (on the train, in the library, in a restaurant,). sometimes it's weird like a few days ago, a boy of not even twenty came talking to me, he almost touched me, i really wonder what he was up to, fortunately my train arrived.

but i also talk to men/boys when i'm interested in knowing something, i just ask, not that i'm looking for a date (that's something i have to explain then, it's weird sometimes, like you can't have a conversation with someone without wanting something else, even if you tell them you're married for more than ten years they don't get it, i'm probably conveying a wrong message i guess) i'm a bit like a cat, when i see a thread waving before my eyes i can't help but reacting.