Ladies, How often do you fake an orgasim?

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Maybe. If so, it's that it's so easy for me, and I have such a need for validation from others, that I don't understand why anyone would be unable to do so. Then again, it can really harm me, as when my wife told me that I was no longer affectionate enough (one of the big reasons for leaving), and my response was that I could act it. She didn't take too kindly to that.

Well because act can mean pretend which in a relationship to a NT equates to lying or that you don't actually feel those things even if you do them. I think there's a big difference between real faking of things and simply doing them until you discover you like them. For instance, taking sex out of it for a minute, if you were to learn dancing (which I think you said you like), you might not enjoy it at all at first as you learn the steps. It's actually fragmented and kind of repetitive and boring when you are learning to actually dance, but when you turn that corner and can do an entire dance with a partner, it could turn out to be enjoyable. So you acted as if you enjoyed it as you practiced (the term grin and bear it comes to mind), but once you mastered it or even became good at it you enjoyed it. Does that make sense?

I think what you mean and what she heard (as well as perhaps what I read earlier) are two different things. Maybe you should explain that to her.

Here's a great example of how different things are for us from NTs. I lived with my husband before we were married. I didn't live there because I loved him. I actually felt very attached to him but I never felt romantic love and didn't know it so I didn't feel it (might not make sense, but that's what I felt). I married him because he insisted on it, but also because I knew I was attached to him and wasn't leaving and because he and I were a perfect fit for each other. I did tell him that up front by the way and he accepted it. I don't think he liked it since he was very emotional about me and did love me, but he accepted that I couldn't feel the same exact feeling. Three years later, I was standing on our balcony and I realized I did love him. Nothing really changed, I just suddenly understood that feeling and felt it. I wasn't really faking it until I felt it, but it took me a long time of living with him like that to feel it. I did become much more affectionate to him over time. It didn't have anything to do with me not feeling attachment or loving him, I just didn't show affection easily. I'm not sure I really understood it in relationships between men and women. I was just extremely slow understanding it all I guess. It's a good thing he approaches everything from logic and intellect. That's probably why we're still together.

PP1 - makes sense, but it just isn't me. I don't know that there is anything other than pleasing someone else where I can 'pretend' in the same way. I think I'm begining to see where y'all are coming from, and that I just have such a need to be perfect for someone, that it's different from anything else.

PP2 - No chance. I can't even contact her any more. I don't know if she's alive are not. I try looking for her name on the net, hoping to find some trace. I don't quite have the guts to contact the one person who might just still be in touch with her (that I know), but I'm getting there.

PP3 - Hmm, discovering love? I would have been devestated to be with someone I love, and they not able to return the words. Not that I'd want them to lie about THAT. It all seems so alien to me, when I rationally choose whom I love - with the proviso that it is forever.

Calandale, we all know and accept you could never be with someone like me. LOL I'd probably be hurting your feelings every five minutes!

I think you should contact the friend. Even if you just explain, it will be good to get it off your chest. It might make her feel a bit easier about things as well.

O.o; that was a marathon postwar there. XD

I've faked once. My partner's just discovered that if you time it right, women can have multiple climaxes. Sometimes he'll push me over the edge twice in a row. Three times...mate that's a bit of overstimulation...I faked the third so he'd give it a rest! XD Things get mighty sensitive down there after a while and there's such a thing as overstimulation in a negative way :/

Interestingly enough, sometimes I don't quite know if I'm finished or not when it's not my hands at the helm. For guys, it seems that speeding up like you're going over the edge there is a good thing (or at least for this one)...whereas for me it's better to hold still so I can feel it. He forgets this and speeds up significantly...I sometimes only realise after things suddenly feel rather weird that it's all over XD

Strangely enough, orgasm isn't always the primary goal in sex for women. For me, I often just enjoy the sensations and the closeness - no, make that REALLY REALLY enjoy. I love it. I can have sex without climax and feel fulfilled and loved, excited and satisfied...I just LOVE that intense closeness and knowing I've satisfied my lover.

Faking it isn't always the 'get it over with, you're not doing anything for me' call. Sometimes it can also be 'You're so sweet, you're giving me your best...you're not doing it for me but I don't want to hurt your feelings...'

Pretty much just a nicer way of saying what I meant. Thank you.

ZM - This is the least important thing that my wife and I have to discuss.
I wish I could force myself to try through her friend. At least I might know
if she was still alive.

That's vulvodynia your talking about. I have that. I hate it.